(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . The Original Schitzenpantzen Files [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2024-05-03 [Way back in prehistorical times (October 22, 2019), that day’s edition of the Good News Roundup included this bit of commentary. I wonder if I should send Michael Cohen a note asking for royalty payments? Anyhow, presented here, just as it appeared back before tfg achieved Former Guy status, is the original authentic Schitzenpantzen Files] The Schitzenpantzen Files One of the most iconic idiots in the village idiot’s convention that is the tRump administration has graduated from peripheral I-can’t-believe-he-said-that comic relief to full on frog-in-the-pot under investigation and maybe-gong-to-jail conspirator. Rudy, Rudy, Rudy (spoken in Cary Grant’s voice — although Cary never actually said “Judy, Judy, Judy” in a movie — The faux quote originated in a Larry Storch comedy routine) Rudy made yet another bad call. It looks like he’s mixed up his ongoing Ukrainian graft project with his hatred for Joe Biden. Remember Biden said: Rudy Giuliani — there's only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, a verb, and 9/11 — Joe Biden That quip has been chapping Rudy’s ass ever since. Rather than blame his unsuccessful run for president on his own big stupid mouth, I think he blames Biden. So Rudy figured: “What the hell, I can corruptly enrich myself while simultaneously manufacturing problems for Biden. What could go wrong?*” When you shine the light on Rudy’s activities in Ukraine with his buddies Lev and Igor you end up neck deep in a corrupt scheme to suck money out of Ukraine’s national gas company complete with its very own Russian oligarch, currently fighting extradition to the United States. *This is a paraphrase of Rudy’s thoughts. The words or, more likely, emojis Rudy uses to actually express what’s going on in the shattered remnant of his mind are impossible to express exactly. Protohuman mental grunting is very ambiguous. And there is always a clear subtext of “Did I forget to wipe again?” running through everything Rudy thinks. With lawyers like this, who needs prosecutors? Rudy has said some exceptionally stupid man-the-lifeboats level things. I’m kinda surprised he can feed himself. We’re not meddling in an election; we’re meddling in an investigation, which we have a right to do. — Rudy Giuliani Truth isn’t truth — Rudy Giuliani Shut up moron, shut up. You don’t know what you’re talking about idiot. You’re just lying…just keep your lying mouth shut. — Rudy Giuliani to Chris Hahn after Hahn accused him of being tasked “to dig up political dirt on Trump’s opponent.” Earlier in the interview Giuliani admitted to inserting himself into the White House’s relationship with Ukraine and that digging into Biden’s relationship with the Ukraine was one of his jobs. "Let's say [the transcript] was read to me." and "Maybe [Trump] didn't bring [up Joe Biden]. It could be possible the president of the Ukraine brought it up!" — Rudy Giuliani several hours before tRump’s not-a-transcript transcript was released confirming that tRump brought it up. Donald, I thought you were a gentleman." — Rudy Giuliani (while dressed in drag, after having his "breasts" fondled by Donald tRump). The Organized Crime and Corruption Reporting Project was on this story back in July. There’s some grifting at the Ukrainian National Gas company going on too. OCCRP.org: Meet the Florida Duo Helping Giuliani Investigate for Trump in Ukraine Rudy’s buddies Lev and Igor got busted for campaign finance violations. Rolling Stone: Two of Rudy Giuliani’s Cronies Just Got Nailed for Illegally Buying Political Access — and Lying About It And then there’s the guy in Vienna Lev and Igor were going to meet when they got arrested. Rudy was going there the next day. Hmmm. NPR: What Oligarch Dmytro Firtash Has To Do With The Ukraine Scandal And more on Firtash Daily Beast: Ukrainian Oligarch Wanted by U.S. Authorities Paid $1 Million to Giuliani-Linked Lawyers to Dig Up Biden Dirt And don’t forget Rudy had his fingers in a Turkey scandal too. Huffington Post: Giuliani Urged Trump To Expel Turkish Cleric Erdogan Wants Back In Turkey: Report Among other things CNN: Federal investigation of Rudy Giuliani includes counterintelligence probe Needless to say, Rudy is soon to be someone that tRump barely knew, rarely talked to and then only when he needed cofefve. [That day’s Short Takes were mostly focused on the same guy] Short Takes Perverts of a feather break laws together #MoscowMitch has positioned himself as a speedbump trying to slow down the future. He’s either going to get washed away by the coming blue wave, melted down into slag by being caught up in the ever-growing Drumpfster fire or steamrolled by an investigation of his own corruption. Republicans are desperate to find something to stop the crap spewing out of tRump’s mouth. Word is, they are going to call it Immodium-Donald. While many of his republican supporters are busy having conniption fits, tRump is busy having corruption fits. Rudy Giuliani never met a cluster he couldn’t fuck. Things are looking so bad for poor Rudy, his shriveled testicles have retracted up into his pelvic cavity, detached themselves and run away to look for new meaning in a Staten Island sewage treatment plant. The pool table is full or eight balls and Rudy is cowering behind all of them. Rudy wants to curl up in the corner and cry. But Pastor Jeffries has forbidden it. He’s afraid that the forced-birth crowd will desert the cause en masse if they catch a glimpse of Rudy in a fetal position. [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/5/3/2238711/-The-Original-Schitzenpantzen-Files?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=more_community&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/