(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2024-05-31 Late Night Snark: May 2009 Flashback With the late-night shows on hiatus during this Memorial Day week, C&J pries open the time capsule circa 15 years ago, when the fledgling Obama administration was cleaning up the Bush II mess, and a little-known actress was considering throwing her tassles in the ring: "A porn star named Stormy Daniels is now embarking on a listening tour of the state of Louisiana. She's considering running for the Senate. A porn star running for the Senate. Porn to politics. That's kind of a lateral move, isn't it?" —Jay Leno "In last week's Examiner, [columnist Byron] York explained that some of Obama's policies are not as popular as poll numbers suggest because "sky-high ratings among African-Americans make some of his positions appear a bit more popular overall than they really are." It's an insight that reminds many of the classic side-view mirror warning: Opinions In Washington Examiner Are More Racist Than They Appear." 2009 —Stephen Colbert "Finally, some good economic news. They're hiring at the Supreme Court. ... The Republicans say that Obama's pick for [David Souter's] replacement is completely unacceptable, and they will let us know why as soon as they find out who it is." —Bill Maher "President Obama and former Vice President Dick Cheney spoke on torture yesterday. Obama spoke out against torture, and Cheney gave more of a "how-to" discussion." —Jay Leno "A new survey shows that the happiest Americans are elderly, male Republicans. In other words: Republicans." —Jimmy Fallon "The White House has a Twitter page now. Here's what it said: 'I am a building. I am not doing anything.'" —Jimmy Kimmel "Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, once two of the most powerful men in this country, are now suffering from Ballsheimer's disease. Ballsheimer's is a terrible illness that attacks the memory and gives its victims the balls to attack others for things they themselves made a career of. There is no known cure." —Jon Stewart Gonna be a great weekend. I'm staking up the Twizzlers in my victory garden. And now, our feature presentation… Cheers and Jeers for Friday, May 31, 2024 Note: Michael and I thank you for all the nice comments here yesterday about our 31st anniversary as official ambassadors to Sodom and Gomorrah. But how strange that we didn’t get a greeting card from Franklin Graham, James Dobson or Tony Perkins. Probably got lost in the mail. Impeach Postmaster DeJoy!!! - By the Numbers: Days 'til the elections in Britain: 34 Days 'til LA Pride: 8 And from tonight’s guest number cruncher... x That is 5 NY trials in the books. Trump Corp : Guilty of 17 felonies. EJCarroll; Trump liable for sexual abuse and defamation 2x for a total of $89 million. Civil Fraud: $355 million ruling Trump himself: a felon, 34x over — Andrea Bernstein (@AndreaBNYC) May 30, 2024 - Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans… - CHEERS to 34 reasons to be cheerful. Well, it took awhile, but here we finally are. After committing crimey business his entire worthless life, the guy finally got taken down a peg by a jury of his peers: x BREAKING: Donald Trump becomes the first actor from Home Alone 2 to be convicted of 34 felonies stemming from hush money payments to a porn star pic.twitter.com/Gou9yoBZgK — Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) May 30, 2024 - Media, you may now converge on Iowa diners to find out how this affects Trump voters' delicate feelings (if not clogged arteries). Please be gentle with them. And don’t forget to wear your anti-spittle shields. Oh, and Mrs. Alito? You’re gonna need a bigger flagpole. CHEERS to making time for time. Apparently every country on Earth is planning to colonize the moon, and the #1 priority at the moment—a moment which I'm told lasts longer at the seashore than it does at the top of a mountain—is to get clocks on the moon: Scientists aren’t just looking to create a new “time zone” on the moon, as some headlines have suggested, said Cheryl Gramling, the lunar position, navigation, and timing and standards lead at NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Maryland. Rather, the space agency and its partners are looking to create an entirely new “time scale,” or system of measurement that accounts for that fact that seconds tick by faster on the moon, Gramling noted. […] My idea for a clock on the moon. For the world’s timekeepers, the coming months could be crucial for figuring out how to accurately keep lunar time—and reach agreements on how, when and where to put clocks on the moon. Sorry, but America can't wait for the scientists to plow through all the data and come up with a plan. So allow me to cut through the clutter and make the call: we need to send humans to the moon right now with a Hefty bag full of every kind of common clock available, and scatter them around the surface to see what happens. I further suggest that the only group capable of doing this effectively is the House Freedom Caucus. Don’t worry, Congressmen and women: we'll definitely send your space suits up there within four to six weeks after your arrival. In the meantime, you just keep on spreading those clocks in your tights and turtlenecks. Lookin' sharp there, Mr. Gaetz! CHEERS to an idea that was ahead of its time. On tomorrow’s date in 1869, Thomas Edison received a patent for his mechanical voting machine. He lost money, though, because no one wanted to use it. Democrats found it too easy to hack and Republicans found it too hard to hack. - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - x Located in Tokyo, the Capybara Café is a place where you can experience capybaras up close and enjoy a moment of relax with them.pic.twitter.com/J1mBOy4FLo — Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) May 29, 2024 - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - JEERS to turbulent times ahead. Here we go again. Enjoy the next few hours, all you gulf- and east-coasters, because the 2024 hurricane season starts at midnight. The NOAA forecast suggests it’s gonna be full of spittle-flying windbags: NOAA National Weather Service forecasters at the Climate Prediction Center predict above-normal hurricane activity in the Atlantic basin this year. Got candles? NOAA’s outlook for the 2024 Atlantic hurricane season, which spans from June 1 to November 30, predicts an 85% chance of an above-normal season, a 10% chance of a near-normal season and a 5% chance of a below-normal season. NOAA is forecasting a range of 17 to 25 total named storms (winds of 39 mph or higher). Of those, 8 to 13 are forecast to become hurricanes (winds of 74 mph or higher), including 4 to 7 major hurricanes (category 3, 4 or 5; with winds of 111 mph or higher). Forecasters have a 70% confidence in these ranges And as a reminder, here are the names associated with the Hurricane Class of 2024 in an easy-to-remember format I’ve created exclusively for C&J readers: Alberto Gonzales, Beryl Reid, Chris Hemsworth, Debby Boone, Ernesto “Che” Guevara, Francine Pascal, Gordon Lightfoot, Helene Cooper, Isaac Asimov, Joyce DeWitt, Kirk Douglas, Leslie Nielsen, Milton Bradley, Nadine from Twin Peaks, Oscar the Grouch, Patty Duke, Rafael Nadal, Sara Lee, Tony Bennett, Valerie Harper, and William in Portland Maine. If the last three letters of the alphabet are needed, NOAA will use the usual "X Marks the Spot," "You've Gotta Be Shitting Me, Another One???" and "Zombie Hurricane Season from Hell.” CHEERS to home vegetation. Here's some of the haps on TV this weekend, starting tonight with an MSNBC reality check by the always-compelling hosts on duty. I’ll be live-tweeting tonight’s classic Star Trek episode “The Enemy Within” at 8 via the H&I Network (hashtag #allstartrek). Or there’s always the dependable Friday The Office marathon on Comedy Central. Finally—some pro golf worth watching. The new movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The MLB schedule is here, the NHL schedule is here, the WNBA schedule is here. (The NBA is idle this weekend—the finals between Boston and Dallas start next Thursday.) Or you can catch the Women’s Open Golf Tourney tomorrow and Sunday afternoon on NBC...and the 2024 Women’s College Softball World Series on ABC... and the U.S. Women’s Gymnastics Championships Sunday at 7 on NBC. On 60 Minutes: a report on Wisconsin’s fake presidential electors, and a profile of sports agent Rich Paul. Oh, and if you want to put President Biden’s perceived frailty into its proper perspective, watch America’s Funniest Home Videos Sunday night on ABC, where you’ll witness an endless series of montages featuring Americans of all ages falling from trees, roofs, boats, bikes, and porches...and tripping over dogs, cats, curbs, bags, boxes, stoops, and their own shoelaces mostly because, unlike Joe, they’re careless, thoughtless, and otherwise clueless. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup: Meet the Press: Next Speaker of the House Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY); former Manhattan D.A. Cy Vance; Sen. Tom Putin...er, Cotton (MAGA Cult-AR). This Week: TBA What every host should ask every GOP guest. Face the Nation: Former CENTCOM Commander Ret. Gen. Frank McKenzie; CNN's State of the Union: Funneler of Money From the RNC to Trump’s Bank Account Lara Trump. Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: House Speaker Useful idiot...er, Mike Johnson (MAGA Cult-LA); Senator Useful Idiot...er, Tim Scott (MAGA Cult-SC); Rep. Ro Khanna (D-CA). Happy viewing! - Ten years ago in C&J: May 31, 2014 JEERS to Obama Derangement Syndrome, Part…I've Lost Count. Yes, we negotiate with bad people. The Obama administration negotiated to get the one and only captured U.S. soldier back from Afghanistan—yay, mission accomplished—and that, of course has the conservative base's knickers (I don’t mean that rhetorically…they still wear knickers and knee socks from a secret Montgomery Ward retail bunker) in a circulation-arresting twist. Never mind this stuff, which apparently never happened: For example, when terrorists hijacked TWA Flight 847 in 1985, the Reagan administration negotiated with the hostage takers, despite the U.S. policy, and despite fears that it might create an incentive for future hijackings. More recently, and more to the point, military leaders appointed by the Bush/Cheney administration, at David Petraeus’ behest, endorsed negotiations with the Taliban years ago in the hopes of improving national security conditions in Afghanistan. Of course, we know what the right's outrage is really about. They aren't mad at Obama for negotiating with the Taliban. They're mad at the Taliban for negotiating with Obama. - And just one more… CHEERS to a guy who classed up the republic. Here's your brain food for the weekend, courtesy of birthday boy Walt Whitman, born May 31, 1819: “This is what you shall do; Happy birthday, Walt. Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.” Oh, waitress? I’ll have what he’s having. Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/5/31/2243494/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Rum-and-Coke-FRIDAY?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/