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You have PTSD too? [1]

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Date: 2024-05-31  

I’m having PTSD today from yesterdays verdict and 45’s response. I was diagnosed with it about six years ago by a licensed therapist. (Diagnosed depression over 20 years ago.)

I was raised by a covert narcissistic mother. I was never, ever good enough. If I felt strongly about something she said or did, I was overly sensitive. I was gaslit constantly. Let me share with you one situation.

One of my mother’s brothers molested me when I was three. I buried it because we saw them every two weeks as I was growing up. In my forties, it all came up after intense therapy. I shared with my mother and father that he molested me, where it happened and when. I never went into molestitation details because it made me want to gag.

Later in my life my mother calls and is so excited. They put a down payment on a home in the same retirement area as uncle molester lived. To say I was numb is an understatement. It was all about her happiness you see. Three days later she calls and asks if I’d be okay if they bump into him. “Whatever.” “I’m over it.” When I really wasn’t but I was trained to never stand up for myself. It’s her way or the highway. Make momma happy and things are good (just that she never really was happy.)

They move and she would continually tell me all the social places they went. My dad played cards and golf with uncle molester every week. Don’t forget, I was trained from babyhood to never stand up for myself. I would ask her not to discuss him. That never worked for long. I ended up obese and got gastric bypass in 2009. Talk about stuffing feelings! (To anyone who has not experienced this — I already hear you. Why not just cut off the relationship? With narcissistic parents it doesn’t work that way.)

This is the part I think many children of narcissists can relate to and it relates to why I have PTSD today.

My dad dies. My mother moves back into our area. After much therapy and realizing my father played cards and golf with uncle molester for years and my mother abused me by always discussing him, I ask my mother “were you ever uncomfortable around uncle?”

Her reply was that sometimes they were uncomfortable but they only thought it was “touchy feely.” I challenged her on that. Touchy feely is okay? Her next comment was “you never told us the details!” As I started to tell her she stops me. It’s too much for her to hear. She then says, “Why didn’t you tell us NO before we moved?”

This is DARVO at it’s best. Deny, attack, and reverse victim offender. Deny that anything serious happened to me. Attack me as the perpetrator to my own issues. She then becomes the victim because I didn’t tell them “no.” My mother died when I was 63 years old after I stopped calling her for…...only two months of my life. I couldn’t take it anymore. That was only eleven years ago.

I cried yesterday when Trump was found guilty. I’m exhausted. I’m triggered. He will destroy everything we hold honorable and dear. Democracy. The Constitution. The rule of law. Our intelligence community. Possibly even us if given the chance with his lackeys.

Trump was convicted on 34 counts yesterday. It’s truth. It’s real. He comes out of court and attacks the judicial system as being rigged. He attacks the judge. He attacks Michael Cohen. He will attack the jury if anyone gives him their names. He will continue that attack because, as a malignant narcissist, he will never be guilty or accountable for anything he says or does. Just like my mother.

Anyone else want to comment below on how this has impacted their lives. I’d like to know I’m not alone.

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