(C) Daily Kos This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1] ['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.'] Date: 2024-06-14 Late Night Snark: Happy Flag Day Edition "Not to be a hater, but designing a special flag for yourself is literally a homework assignment my kindergartener just had. He drew a butt farting on a stick figure man who I'm pretty sure is supposed to be me. I don’t love it, but it still beats Vergogna." —The Daily Show guest host Jordan Klepper, on flag-obsessed Martha-Ann Alito's admission to undercover advocacy journalist Lauren Windsor that she's designing a flag with the Italian word for "shame" on it. "Look, Mrs. Alito, I know you want to express your disapproval of Pride Month by hoisting a Vergogna up the flagpole. But unfortunately Vergogna Flagpole is already the name of a very successful drag queen." —Stephen Colbert "A boat sinks to the bottom of the ocean—big boat, strong boat—and there's a tremendously powerful battery ten yards away from the shark. The shark is 'woke' and hates America. The boat is sinking at a rate of three feet per second with a battery voltage no greater than 12. At the current rate, will the shark eat you before you are electrocuted, or will Crooked Joe rig the election? Wrong answers only." —Excerpt from Math for Dummies by Dummies (via Late Night with Seth Meyers) x Republicans gave Little Donny such a special day at the Capitol! pic.twitter.com/pGsnkf7LYz — The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 13, 2024 - "Hunter Biden was convicted on three felony gun charges, which means he's only 31 felonies away from being the Republican nominee for president." —Jimmy Kimmel "Donald Trump was talking about things that he thinks are horrible. Well, all of us lived through his presidency, so right back at ya, buddy." —Milwaukee Mayor Cavalier Johnson, after Trump called the city "horrible." "Why are we allowing ourselves to get worked up over whether giant multinational corporations are pro-gay or have 'traditional American values'? Corporations have but one value: shareholder value. That's all they have. That Budweiser horse that wants to 'restore our American spirit' is actually owned by a Belgian-Brazilian beverage conglomerate. That all-American Clydesdale's name is probably Jean-Luc Bolsonaro." —Jon Stewart "The congressional baseball game was held tonight at Nationals Park. At least I hope that's why Marjorie Taylor-Greene had a bat." —Seth Meyers And now, our feature presentation... Cheers and Jeers for Friday, June 14, 2024 Note: This just in—Justice Alito has knobby knees. Undercover film at 11. - By the Numbers: 4 days!!! Days 'til the next full "strawberry" moon: 7 Days 'til San Diego's Taste of Little Italy: 4 Share of the U.S. population consisting of foreign-born residents in 1990 and 2020, respectively: 9%, 15% Number of years that Mark Martin, who was under the legal guardianship of Clarence and Ginni Thomas from age 6-19, could face on gun and drug charges: 25 years Amount that Chiquita Banana has to pay to families of people killed by Colombian paramilitary goons that the company funded: $38 million Number f*cks Merrick Garland gives after the House's bullsh*t contempt vote Wednesday: 0 Age of New York's Apollo Theater as of this year: 90 And... Years, as of tomorrow, since my partner Michael smoked his last cigarette: 16 - Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans… - CHEERS to circling the wagons. It's bad enough that President Biden and his administration had to clean up the huge mess—and it was a lot more than just ketchup on the walls—made by his rapist-felon predecessor, while also forging ahead with their own agenda. But they also knew they'd have to proactively build a legal moat around their accomplishments in case the rapist-felon gets back in the White House. Thanks to a major focus on beating the clock on sealing environmental regulations in amber, it looks Joe has protected a whole swath of good policy, including: » Setting strict limits on greenhouse gases from future gas plants and existing coal-fired units. Our man’s been busy Trump-proofing his legacy. » Stricter limits on mercury emissions from coal plants into the air and water. » Cleaner emissions from cars and light trucks. » Stricter standards on PFAs ("forever chemicals") in drinking water. » Greater conservation and pro-environmental management of federal lands. » Energy-efficiency standards for water heaters. And just to mess with Trump's head, a new rule mandating that all toilets in any future Republican-occupied White House will require 15 flushes is now permanently in place for the next 200 years. Well played, sir. (I say with tears in my eyes.) CHEERS to Mrs. Alito’s high holy, yet very distressing, holiday. Hope you got your holiday shopping done in time for all the flag lovers on your list—today is Flag Day. It commemorates the adoption of the flag of the United States, which happened on this date in 1777 by resolution of the Second Continental Congress. In case you're wondering, yes, we support your first-amendment right to burn it in protest if your soul hates America...just as we support your right to strap it on to express how much your ta-tas love America. If you’re wondering, this is what a 52-star flag would look like if D.C. and Puerto Rico ever join our little ragtag union as states: Critics call it “hip and edgy—a must-see!” Meanwhile, per federal law, you must say this at least once out loud before midnight: "What did one flag say to the other flag? Nothing—it just waved." And then: bask in the awkward silence. CHEERS to feelin' groovy. The London-based Institute for the Quality of Life (motto: "We're an Institute. We do quality of life stuff.") is out with their latest list of the 250 happiest cities (with over 300,000 residents) on Planet Earth. Topping the list are Aarhus, Zurich, and Berlin. Only ten American cities made the list, and see if you can spot a common trait among them: Minneapolis, MN Boston, MA Baltimore, MD Washington D.C. San Francisco, CA What a happy postcard. Salt Lake City, UT Madison, WI Pittsburgh, PA Rochester, NY Portland, OR Yup. Liberal, liberal, liberal, liberal, liberal, liberal, liberal, liberal, liberal, and liberal. And that makes me happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, and happy. - BRIEF SANITY BREAK - x Little man just stole my heart 😂😂 🔊 pic.twitter.com/HIPVPXvbO3 — Jessi 💫 (@its_jessi_grace) June 7, 2024 - END BRIEF SANITY BREAK - CHEERS to the Natural State (which we assume means everyone runs around naked there). On tomorrow’s date in 1836, Arkansas became our 25th state. Current population: 3 million. Birthplace of President William Jefferson Clinton. State mammal: white tailed deer. State fruit and blossom: South Arkansas vine ripe pink tomato. State instrument: the fiddle. And, of course, the official state asshole: Senator Tom Cotton. CHEERS to home vegetation. A quick roundup of stuff that might show up on the tube this weekend, starting with Chris Hayes and the evening lineup doing their Friday night doings they do on MSNBC. There’s a The Office marathon on Comedy Central. And tonight at 8 we’ll be live-tweeting the classic Star Trek episode “The Squire of Gothos,” as we watch it on the H&I Network. Follow along at #allstartrek. Live-tweeting starts at 8. The most popular movies and streamers, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (Inside Out 2 tops the theater marquees.) The MLB schedule is here, the NHL Stanley Cup schedule is here, the WNBA schedule is here, and the NBA finals schedule is here (Boston could wrap it up tonight, folks). Golf balls will find their way into traps, lakes and cups this weekend as the U.S Open golf tourney airs on NBC. Sunday night at 8 ET (CBS) the Tony Awards will be handed out for excellence in over-emoting while reading memorized lines aloud—or as politicians call it, a day ending in y. (Full list of nominees is here.) Or you can catch the premiere on HBO of the Game of Thrones prequel House of the Dragon a spinoff. (Gee, I wonder if there will be stabbings.) Then at 11, also on HBO, John Oliver has a fresh edition of Last Week Tonight. And then it’s off to bed with you, buster. Busy week ahead. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup: This Week: Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen; Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein; Trump’s #1 fan in the Senate, Tim Scott (MAGA Cult-SC), describes what it’s like to rub #45’s bunions while reading him bedtime stories. Sunday on ‘This Week,’ Janet Yellen demonstrates the proper way to roll around in a pile of money. Face the Nation: Bill Gates on his new nuclear power venture; Rep. Mike Turner (MAGA Cult-OH). CNN's State of the Union: Senators Chris Murphy (D-CT) and Tom Cotton (MAGA Cult-AR). Meet the Press: Reps. Ro Khanna (D-CA) and Byron Donalds (MAGA Cult-FL); actor Michael Imperioli. Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Rep. Jim Himes (D-CT); Gov. Doug Burgum (MAGA Cult-ND), who ran a ton of awareness ads here in Maine when he was running for president, and accomplished the amazing feat of lowering our awareness of him. Happy viewing! - Ten years ago in C&J: June 14, 2014 JEERS to Senator Smelling Salts. "Eligible bachelor" Lindsay Graham done got a case of the vapors, and it sounds chronic: June 12: "I have never been more worried about another 9/11 than I am right now." November 2013: "I've never been more worried about the Obama administration's approach to the Mideast than I am now." May, 2013: "I've never been more worried about our national security than I am right now." March 2013: "I've never been more worried about weapons of mass destruction falling into terrorists' hands than I am right now." Fortunately, I have never been less worried that anyone's taking Senator Debutante seriously anymore than I am right now. - And just one more… JEERS to the birthday bum. Donald Trump, the 7-foot-4, 160-pound (all muscle), 3,397 IQ former president of the United States turns 78 today. We got him the usual: It’s the least we could do. So that’s what we did. Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today? - [END] --- [1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/6/14/2246362/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Rum-and-Coke-FRIDAY?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web Published and (C) by Daily Kos Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified. via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds: gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/