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I offer Trump these 12 Excuses he can use to dodge the debate. (With poll) [1]

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Date: 2024-06-16  

Is that coward going to weasel out of debating Joe Biden? Certainly it won’t be any fun for him, since the debate format is designed to deny him his usual circus act. He can’t even get behind Biden and loom over him ominously the way he did with Hillary Clinton, because Biden is tall.

I think it’s a win for Joe whether Trump debates him or not. I’m actually hoping, as I’m sure many are, that TFG will show up and drivel on disconnectedly about sharks, boat batteries, Hannibal Lector, the atrocities of Taylor Swift, and any other ejecta discharged by his disintegrating brain cells.

On top of seeing Trump parade his mental deterioration, I’m also interested in seeing how his slavish GOP lickspittles are going to contort themselves trying to fashion his performance into a win instead of the degrading horrorshow the world actually witnessed..

But because I’m an ethical, humane person, I will try to get the better of my desire for schadenfreude. Pursuant to that end, I hereby offer Donald Trump an assortment of perfectly good excuses he can use to avoid the hellish experience of appearing on stage with someone not insane.

….

Here are 12 excuses, and if you can think of others, please share them in a comment.

….

Trump will skip the debates because:

1. Trump has already won it, so why bother?

2. Because with Joe Biden’s terrible dementia, it wouldn’t be fair.

3. Because Kim Jong-un never debates his opponents.

4. Because Joe Biden refuses to wear leopard skins and call the event the “Rumble in the Jungle.”

5. What debate? Trump never agreed to a debate. (Loyal Republicans will twist themselves into pretzels to swear this lie is true.)

6. Huge caravans of sharks are invading our borders, raping and looting. Until the shark situation is under control, it would be very, very wrong to waste time debating.

7. Because the exploding boat batteries will create very huge magnetic waves that will make folks fall into the sun. Very few people know this.

8. Because Trump is busy reading The Princess Turner Diaries.

9. Because Biden was born outside the United States, in Delaware, a shithole country. He’s an immigrant, here illegally. So he’s not qualified to be President. He should be mowing lawns. Therefore Trump is President by default. So a presidential debate basically means President Trump debating President Trump. That’s just stupid, since Trump agrees with everything Trump says.

10. Because Hunter Biden’s lap-dance. Maybe it was a hand job. Anyway, he’s a very, very, terrible, horrible person. The whole Biden family is a disgrace. I hate dogs.

11. Because “Home Alone 2” is on another channel at the same time.

12. Because Taylor Swift! Taylor Hicks! Elizabeth Taylor! Queen Elizabeth! Queen Latifa! Dairy Queen! Because Benghazi. Ben-Gay. Ben Affleck! Casey Affleck! K.C. and the Sunshine Band! Sonny and Chair! Sharks are falling into the sun! Far-left conspiracy! Who? The lizard men! George Soros! These are horrible, horrible people, folks! What? I did NOT just shit myself! What America needs now is a thousand-year Reich!

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