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Self-Made, My Foot: Updating Some Comic Relief That Still Rocks [1]

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Date: 2024-06-20  

To Cheech (Marin) and (Tommy) Chong: happy 50th anniversary of hitting Billboard’s Top Ten with (of all things) an onslaught of in-your-face humor!

Though not without controversy. When “Earache, My Eye” reached #9, it looked to keep rising. Alas, behind the scenes, some fine-feathered folk were not amused.

According to Wiki, at many if not most US pop radio stations, “Phone calls and angry letters came from parents, teachers, psychologists, school administrators, and counselors…. [complaining] that the song mostly appealed to junkies, dropouts, drug addicts, drunkards, [and]… students playing hooky, giving them a bad model for their behavior.”

Funny thing, though. Not just “mostly” but overwhelmingly, sentient beings grasped the fact that the song carried a stark, sorely needed lesson in “behavior” to strive to AVOID. (Like, duh.)

Credit where due. In the bargain, Cheech, Chong, and guitarist/co-writer Gaye Delorme lampoon glam rock. Head-banging heavy metal. And (per the track’s title) fakers of all stripes.

* * * * *

Keeping in mind Delorme’s sublimely moronic 8-note riff (and a latter-day cult head with whose mug, the color of Ziggy Stardust’s hair, you may be familiar), voila: “Self-Made, My Foot.”

Melania talkin’ to me, try to tell me what to do.

But I don’t listen to her ‘cause my head is like a zoo.

My pastor threw me out because I lie and swear and yell;

He has the nerve to tell me that I’m goin’ straight to hell!

Coupons at McDonald’s save me money all the time;

Nuggets, fries, and burgers keep me lean and mean and fine.

In court I fell asleep, it was such a boring scene.

I dreamed of Stormy Daniels and a team of porno queens!

* MUSICAL INTERLUDE *

The world is coming to an end, I don’t give a damn.

Long as I can own my Tower and my orange tan.

And I don’t really care if you & yours go hungry.

‘Cause my daddy was a bigshot and he left me lots of money….

money, money… I’m so filthy rich! I own apartment buildings! Golf courses!

A mansion to store top-secret docs! The Republican Party! I’m Trumping the

known universe (or hadn’t you noticed?)! My casinos went bust- and YOU paid

the bills! Heads up, democracy: YOU’RE FIRED! Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Watch, people!

YOU FOOLS!!!

Forgive my ending on a down-to-Earth note. But comedy’s been defined as “tragedy barely averted.” And if Trump laughs last around here, we’re cooked. (Just sayin’. While we still can.)

Parody lyrics copyright 2024 John McQueen

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