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Red Neck Ten Commendments - [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2024-06-26  

Before someone goes all no fat shaming — sorry I meant slurs towards rural folk — I am a part of the redneck or hillbilly culture. I grew up on a farm. I did farm, still part of a farm in Forgottonia — MAGA base surround me.

Meant as humor, satire— OK hope it preps you for the deathbed watch called a POTUS debate .

Trump wraps himself in Christian Nationalism

I

Thou shall not serve inadequate gravy on biscuits.

II

Honor thy husband, thou shall not ask when he’ll be home from hunt’n and fish’n or how many he caught.

III

Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s truck. If it’s not your brand, it’s OK to tell him it is a pile of crap. – Hope the next scratch ticket is a winner, then yu’ll show him a real truck.

IV

Thou shall not shoot fireworks unless adequately supplied with beer or whiskey. It ain’t a real 4th without a few illegal ones smuggled in.

V

Thou shall proudly claim to be a Christian and a Patriot. Because you’re a redneck going to church or pray’n ain’t required. Also actually serving or know’n how government works ain’t a thing neither.

VI

Guns are good. More and bigger guns are gooder. One should not shoot them when drunk unless it’s the 4th of July – or Labor Day or out at Bud’s cabin on the lake. Or if that pilfering neighbor kid is sneaking around again.

Democracy has run aground — Courts are willing allies.

VII

Climate change is a hoax. Being a Redneck I just know things; don’t nobody need to tell me nothing especially you, liberal snowflakes. The decades long well-funded corporate propaganda campaign, I’s ain’t never heard of it.

VIII

God gave America to us good people. Now I ain’t racist, but he meant by good, us white people, well mostly. Just like you see in the cowboy movies. I’ve got the decal, ‘I’m a certified white person’, so I knows.

IX

God cannot be separated from the guvment; our Chrisitan God created the guvment. Cause of the Pilgrims or maybe that Quaker Oats guy, Willum Penn.

X

Blasphemy held in reverence.

Thou shalt not cancel me, I have freedom of speech to have my own opinion. If I ain’t offended, then why should you be? No one can tell a joke anymore. I learned my heritage and all of you should honor it. Leave them statues and flags alone. Not them devil flags for homos or commies, or women. Women should know adequate gravy for biscuits. The ability: to clean fish, gut and skin dead meat, then deep fry it, ought to be taught in school. All schools, ought’n to be Christian based schools teaching women to be submissive.

Bonus super exciting commandment XI

Trump is God’s Chosen; his unhinged ramblings are the divine words of God (Christian God), not some heathen polyamorous god.

Now back to helplessly watching the insanity of our current world. Climate should be the first priority of every policy.

Novel Solace of Solitude & Null Stillness: Land of Spirit for a Barren Soul are available on Apple Books & Kindle — search for ShireSteve

Journeys begin, stall, end, begin again - I am not stacked or a sub, but I am stocky

Stay up with literature in Dubuque John’s Substack

An interesting Indie publisher in Iowa — Ice Cube Press Pulse of the Heartland

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