(C) Daily Kos
This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered.
 . . . . . . . . . .



Trump's VP Picks - A Rogues' Gallery of Sycophants and Stooges [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2024-06-26  

Folks, it's that time again - the quadrennial circus where the Republican nominee for president selects his running mate. This choice is typically an exercise in pandering, as the nominee tries to balance the ticket with someone who can deliver a swing state or rally a particular demographic. However, for Donald Trump, the stakes are even higher this time. After his recent felony convictions in New York, he may need a Vice President who's just as comfortable governing from a prison cell as from the White House.

Let's look at the potential stooges Trump has been considering for this ignominious honor:

Kristi Noem

The South Dakota governor was once a frontrunner, proving her unflinching loyalty by mindlessly parroting Trump's deranged lies about voter fraud. But then the juicy details emerged about how she callously executed her dog and then had the audacity to boast about it in her memoir. That certainly jibes with Trump's well-known appreciation for gratuitous cruelty. But publicly admitting to putting down your family pet is the kind of PR blunder that not even Roger Stone would advise. Sorry, Kristi. That's a vice-presidential bridge that's too far, even for this motley crew.

Tom Cotton

Speaking of shameless panderers, we can't overlook the esteemed Senator from Arkansas. Cotton has spent years riding Trump's coattails, eagerly carrying water for every deranged Trump policy and conspiracy theory. He even called for unleashing "a little Gaza" on pro-Palestinian student protesters, deriding them as "fanatics" who deserved "contempt" and "mockery." For an untarnished militarist like Cotton, brutalizing college kids is just another day at the office. His unhinged sycophancy seems calculated to appeal to Trump's authoritarian id — why else would he volunteer to be the Tangerine Tyrant's very own Mikhail Suslov?

Of course, Cotton's thirst for obsequious debasement is entirely transparent. He dreams of being crowned Trump's ideological enforcer, free to indulge his most belligerent neo-con fantasies from a perch in the White House — something akin to Trump's version of Dick Cheney. Cotton is the prototypical MAGA apparatchik — an amoral careerist who'd gladly subjugate his own principles and intellectual integrity for even a whiff of the big man's rancid approval. Soulless toadies like Cotton belong in the dustbin of history, not a heartbeat away from the presidency.

J.D. Vance

The Donald has a weird thing for soulless tech bros who write smug, condescending books mocking the struggling working class. Vance desperately wants to be Trump's VP, licking his tiny orange feet at every turn. But does anyone think the Hillbilly Elegy guy has the chops to step in as president? With his flailing book sales and irrelevance to anyone outside the Intellectual Dark Web sphere, being named Veep is likely the highest honor this milquetoast twerp will ever achieve. He'd be utterly out of his depth, reduced to a feckless imbecile at Trump's behest - which honestly makes him a prime candidate.

Marco Rubio

Lil' Marco has tried hard to ingratiate himself with his former "alternative Chinese prince" tormentor. He desperately wants to be the Latino face of MAGA Nation — the hollow shill trotted out to convince Hispanic voters that Trump's overt racism is all a big misunderstanding. But let's be honest - Rubio is a spineless weasel without an ounce of self-respect, publicly humiliating himself repeatedly for even a whiff of Trump's rancid approval. We all know he'd gladly trade what's left of his tattered dignity to be within fawning distance of the big man. A Rubio vice presidency would be one long, national embarrassment - perfect for these Dark Brandon times.

Tim Scott

Speaking of shameless panderers using their minority status as American Hustle bait, we have the undistinguished Senator from South Carolina. If Trump showed up to the 2024 RNC wearing a Klan robe and reminding everyone about his "very fine people" in Charlottesville, Scott would be first in line to lick the mud off his jackboots. His game is transparent — become VP, then leverage those empty ethnic credentials to run to be president himself someday and cement the Republican party's shift into a Christo-fascist white nationalist cult. Tim Scott would be another mediocre backbench senator cheerleading about "law and order" at the Policemen's Ball in a sane political universe. But this is 2024, and Scott is nothing if not an opportunist with a keen nose for the MAGA main chance.

Elise Stefanik

If Trump wants to stay on brand, the deeply underwhelming and aggressive congresswoman from upstate New York would be a logical choice. As one of Trump's most vociferous defenders and apologists, Stefanik is a poster child for selling her very soul to the Orange Lord of Lies. But there's a problem — by shackling herself to Trump's sinking ship, even among true MAGA believers, she risks being permanently defined as little more than a simpering courtier. She'd immediately become the most powerless, useless, and openly mocked Vice President since...Dan Quayle or Mike Pence, the Dynamic Duds of Indiana politics. Does Trump want a(nother) running mate who'd be that much of a national joke?

Doug Burgum

Poor Doug — after barely registering in the 2024 GOP primary, he finds himself among the last mediocrities standing as Trump desperately tries to pull together some semblance of a respectable ticket. Burgum tried to butter up his former rival by attending Trump's latest criminal trial and playing the sheepish, fawning fanboy role. However, in an actual demonstration of why he would never be president himself, he made the classic mistake of believing the sycophant act was enough to win Trump's true affection. In reality, Trump would pick Burgum for VP for the same reason Michael Scott hired a convict to work at the Scranton branch — he likes having someone around who so clearly looks up to him as a pathetic object of awe and envy. If self-debasement and perpetual fear of public mockery are Burgum's chief qualifications, he's the perfect Trump VP pick (and my pick in this pack of poodles).

Ben Carson

At first glance, Carson seems like an improbable choice. He was Trump's HUD Secretary, sure. Still, he practically sleepwalked through the entire stint, his mush-brained demeanor betraying a profound lack of interest in or aptitude for anything beyond self-promotion. But then you remember the most essential Trump hiring criterion: unbridled, cult-like fealty. And from that angle, endlessly loyal Ben Carson is a shoo-in. When Trump is eventually convicted on yet more felony charges and is hauled off in an orange jumpsuit, Carson may be the only person oblivious enough to believe it's still all a vast left-wing conspiracy. He's incapable of acknowledging Trump's staggering criminality and corruption, which is likely Trump's chief requirement for a vice-presidential accomplice. Either that, or he'll forget he's the VP and start reminiscing about his days as a neurosurgeon to anyone who will listen.

When you step back and look at this ragtag collection of grifters, con men, and morally destitute opportunists, it's a fitting shortlist for a president* who embodies those very same qualities. Whoever Trump picks won't be motivated by something as quaint as wanting to serve the national interest — just their narrow self-interest and a desperate thirst for fleeting proximity to power and relevance. But, of course, that's all Trump himself cares about. The concept of "public service" went into hospice care the day he took office.

So, as you watch this sordid veepstakes play out, with Trump teasing that he might announce his VP pick before Thursday's debate with President Biden, ask yourself one simple question: if a deranged autocrat and convicted felon like Trump is willing to toss a slavishly devoted loyalist like Mike Pence under the bus at the drop of a MAGA hat, what horrible fate could he have in store for whatever new sycophant he selects as VP this time? Because if there's one constant about Trump, it's that even his most debased lickspittles will eventually be sacrificed for self-preservation. Just ask Michael Cohen or Bill Barr.

This impending presidential horror show would almost be funny if it didn't carry such dire consequences for American democracy. While Trump has wined and dined a new crop of stooges and patsies, the rest of us are left musing on what could have possibly compelled members of our political class to make such craven, self-destructive career choices. Is this how these people want to culminate their political legacies — being a punch line, a national embarrassment, the butt of jokes and public ridicule? Are they indeed that desperate for proximity to Donald Trump?

Perhaps it's a mercy that Pence has chosen to preserve whatever tattered dignity he still clings to by distancing himself from his former boss. At least he seems to understand the profound shame of enabling an anti-democratic authoritarian. The crop of Trump's VP finalists are demonstrating their approval of being demagogues or autocrats, so long as it lifts their paltry careers for a few fleeting moments in the decaying glow of Trump's spray-tanned radiance.

The fact that he's now criminally convicted and remains indicted for undermining American elections means nothing to these hollow husks of political humanity. Are we to believe this rogue's gallery would eagerly attend to urgent matters of state if Trump were ultimately incarcerated and governing from a prison cell? Picture Ben Carson earnestly conferring with the Bureau of Prisons about setting up Zoom calls so Trump can virtually address Congress. Or Doug Burgum shuttling messages back and forth about authorizing military strikes or signing executive orders. Tim Scott would probably debase himself to act as Trump's cellmate at Rikers if it gave him a shot at higher office later. These people have no shame left to surrender.

Yet, for those currying favor with President Felonious Oompa Loompa, personal redemption is not an option. They have chosen the path of bootlicking shame and infamy. History's judgment has already been rendered.

So, to Trump's potential VP picks, I offer this sobering observation: when the sordid story of your political "careers" is recounted decades from now, what's remembered will be the undignified final act — your roles as embarrassing sycophants to one of the most corrupt, destructive, and un-American presidents in US history.

Are you sure that's what you want your legacy to be?

~Dunneagin~

[END]
---
[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/6/26/2248823/-Trump-s-VP-Picks-A-Rogues-Gallery-of-Sycophants-and-Stooges?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=more_community&pm_medium=web

Published and (C) by Daily Kos
Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified.

via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds:
gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/