(C) Daily Montanan This story was originally published by Daily Montanan and is unaltered. . . . . . . . . . . If the legislature is worried about drag show costumes, they've got a lot more work to do – Daily Montanan [1] ['More From Author', 'February', 'Darrell Ehrlick'] Date: 2023-02-10 I hate to break it to Rep. Braxton Mitchell, R-Columbia Falls, but in his mission to protect kids from the evils of people dressing up and reading books to grade-schoolers, his bill is woefully incomplete. I get the concern: Kids won’t know what to think if they see a voluptuous woman in a wig who may be a man. Kids may not be smart enough to get make-believe. But the legislation banning minors from drag queen story hour – for the kids’ protection, of course – doesn’t go far enough. Since we can’t risk kids being confused, and while precious legislative daylight is burning, let me walk through a few other equally disconcerting scenarios that confront us that no one seems to care about. For example, did you know there are old men who dress up and invite kids to whisper in their ears about presents they want? Then these perverts in red velvet tell the kids they’re going to sneak into their house in order to surprise them. But first they have to sit on his lap. Now, I don’t know much about what “grooming” looks like, but there are even songs about mommy kissing that old man. Thankfully, Rep. Bob Phalen has already started the war against adultery. Then, there are kids who are invited to cuddle with an adult stranger dressed up like a rabbit. If that’s not some weird cosplay, I don’t know what is. Then, the bunny, like some pervert in a van, will entice the kids with candy and chocolate that he leaves at the house, if the child is good. The really twisted part is this bizarre ritual has been transformed into some loosey-goosey connection with Jesus. I mean, if you’re not going to stand against a rabbit that lays eggs, which is decidedly not scientific enough to fit with Rep. Daniel Emrich’s vision of factual science, then at least stand up for our Lord and Savior. Good, moral parents like me need some help because our children all want to go on vacation to this place where adults dress up like a mouse without a shirt who, for a princely sum of money, will let them into his magical kingdom. Do we want our children to believe that mice can grow larger than a man? No wonder the Chinese are eclipsing us in science. Our kids are probably way too confused that mice wear shoes, and elephants, if their ears are large enough, can fly into some magical kingdom with one talking dog who is a doofus and another which, equally strange, cannot talk. TV and movies aren’t helpful either because they want to watch alleged “children’s television,” which includes a host of questionably themed programming that includes some woke neighborhood where everyone lives on the same street. There’s an overgrown canary, a red monster who is just begging to be tickled, another monster who has the disgusting habit of eating cookies and getting crumbs all over, and finally, a green grouch who lives in a garbage can. No wonder my kids seem incapable of throwing wrappers, garbage or tissues away — they’re probably terrified of monsters living in their garbage cans. What’s even worse is that this program is paid for, in part, through public funding. Finally, and probably most upsetting, is that woke liberals have disguised an ancient pagan ritual into some kind of socialist free-for-all where kids expect candy for free. My children thought it was both appropriate and clever to dress up like witches – you know, doomed old hags who cast spells and make potions. Another child wanted to be the devil with a pitchfork, cape and horns. Are we content with letting our children dress as the prince of evil and the demon-in-chief? They laugh it up, running around the neighborhood, but I am worried they’re building a healthy respect for Satanism and witchcraft. What’s even worse is that our community actually encourages such repulsive behavior by rewarding them with candy and other treats even though they’ve done nothing to earn it. If you aren’t concerned about them dressing according to the realm they were assigned at birth, at least please consider what that amount of sugar-laden candy is doing to our children’s health. We hear constantly of the obesity epidemic, increased diabetes and sedentary lifestyles. I myself have been the repeated victim of candy bars. Why the last time such a fall-themed Satanic celebration happened, my children brought home a gel-like candy meant to mimic worms. What kind of message are we sending to our kids that eating worms, no matter how brightly colored or sour, is acceptable? Just imagine when they go looking for them in our backyard. You see, I guess I am not surprised by Mitchell’s campaign against drag performances. Even more than becoming the darling of ultra-conservative residents and fellow politicians, I am more offended that he assumes that my children – or any – don’t understand costumes or imagination. I am disturbed that he believes that something as simple as dressing up in bedazzled clothing can so swiftly and irreversibly change the sexual preferences of anyone. Using his logic, I should be fearful that my children believe that all bunnies poop out Cadbury eggs. Instead, what I see is not a rigid, narrowly tailored view of the world, but one of abundance, diversity and creativity – things that I want my children to experience and, in some cases, embrace. Maybe they’ll see a part of themselves by one of these moments and be inspired for a lifetime. It seems like we’re making this issue a lot harder than it needs to be, and we’ve thrown common sense into another time zone. No matter how you want to dress up the issue, it’s really quite simple: If you don’t like drag shows then use that personal freedom I’ve heard so much about this legislative session and don’t go. That’s probably the only guarantee that everyone will have a great time. 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