You're no private eye.
~joneworlds
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I knew that dame was trouble as soon as she walked through the
door. Probably because she broke the doorknob off when she came in
off the sidewalk. Although, the maintenance problems at 734 Angler
Street were not her fault. That I'll grant her.

"Ma'am. Ma'am, you'll need to climb up and around the edge of the
Buddha," I told her, gesturing towards the large bronzed statue
between us, which occupied most of the room. I knew about the
10-foot-wide Buddha in that office before I leased it. But the rent
was low, and there was enough room for my desk in the corner. Round
statues in rectangular rooms. That's just the way things worked in
that hard-boiled town, back then.

You ever seen a dame in high heels and a pencil skirt try and climb
over the rounded base of an enormous bronze statue? It wasn't
graceful. But by god, she got it done. That should have been
another clue, if I'd have been paying attention. I put down my
cigarette and waited.

She sat down on the chair across my desk. I took a good long look
at her. She was tall, nearly six feet I guessed, with dark skin.
She was wearing a cream-colored blouse, and a grey skirt. Her angry
eyes peered out from under a black cloche hat, pushed down over a
furrowed brow. One eye was covered by a patch. And when she put her
bag down on the floor, that's when I saw it: two fingers missing
from the right hand. Now that's got to have a story, I thought. You
don't see that every day.

Her mouth narrowed, her gaze flicking suspiciously between the
daffy duck ashtray on the desk, and the nineteen cuckoo clocks on
the wall behind me. "I'm here to buy insurance for my helicopter."

"Can't help you, ma'am. I'm a private investigator."

Her brow furrowed even deeper. "Is that so. Then why does the sign
outside say, 'Briar and Sons Fine Sausages'?"

"Given the sausage sign, why did you come in here to insure your
helicopter?"

We glared at each other menacingly for a few moments.

"You're no private eye. And I see no fine sausages here, either."

"Correct. I'm closing up early today." I stood up, put on my hat,
and grabbed my cigarette from Daffy's lap.

"Where are you going?"

"Where am I going? I'll tell you where I'm going. I'm going to the
Midnight Pub."

tbc.