disability isolation
~beefox
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My pain in the last few months has been a lot and that has meant
i've been able to do less and less. today especially i am feeling
really isolated from the world.
even leaving my room is a lot of energy so i have seen the outside
of my room. once today? when i got breakfast.
right now with many of my online friends asleep due to timezones,
and the ones who aren't asleep due to timezones are busy. and i
feel really alone!


i did manage to confirm my appointment with a pain specialist but
its not till september (and it was already a 9 month wait to even
get confirmation of the appointment). i tried with my gp to "break
the cycle" but it didn't do it and i don't want to take opiods 4-6
times a day for at least 8 months. i try and limit myself to two
tablets a day.

I don't like to be negative but my pain at the moment is just so
much that its hard to think positivily.

It probably doesn't help that i've been watching a bunch of video
essays and documentries about sad stuff, but i do like the sort of
attention detox it has been. they are quiet, they don't try and
constantly scream for your attention, its 40 minutes to 3 hours of
just learning about a topic, which i do enjoy.

I also wanted to write today but i want it to be interactive
however twine doesn't quite meet my needs. if anyone knows of a
system that can sort of emulate a terminal in your browser, then i
could write the story in something like javascript or something,
that would be cool.