Hey, I'm not a talker. okay?
~aei
------------------------------------------------------------------
Good day/night, I'm not good with talking, I'm not good with
socializing, I'm not good at maintaining friendships. I do not
quite know what to do about it anymore.

Should I keep trying? I have been trying to turn around my social
life for god knows how long but I don't feel like it's working and
since I'm getting older™ I wonder if it's really worth it to
waste my time to make new connections when I will need to look
after myself soon.

I have not been able to maintain a single friendship except for one
single offline friend group which is a miracle that they still like
me at all.

Do I blame my parents for being overtly restrictive of my hobbies,
friends, and media consumption, to the point where I can't even
hold a conversation as an 18 year old without fumbling it?
Do I blame my previous school for the horrible environment I had to
endure for half a decade or so?
Do I blame myself for something? anything? maybe I'm just lazy,
maybe it's a disorder, maybe I'm just underdeveloped, maybe I just
don't want my life to get better, maybe people just don't like me.

Well, it's kinda too late to think about this stuff, isn't it? I
don't need friends, not anymore I guess. I can live alone, I lived
alone for my whole life, why would anything change?

On a better note, fixing the rest of my life is going well. Started
waking up more at 5am and getting work done before classes begin,
and so far I am quite content with how it has been, empty roads and
seats are comforting for the first 4ish hours but I do think this
is the most productive I have been in a while.