_______ _
                       |__   __| |                       July 20, 1997
                          | |  | |__   ___                      Sunday
                          | |  | '_ \ / _ \
 .-.     _      ______    | |  | | | |  __/    ____
(   `. .' )    |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
 `\   ` .'     | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___ 
   |   |       |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
   |   |       | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
   | 66|_      |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
   |  ,__)                              __/ |                         
   |(,_|       To properly view the    |___/   ASCII art contained here,
   | |         use a non-proportional         "typewriter" font such as
   | \_,                   Courier, FixedSys, or Monaco.
   |   |                                                         ___ *
   |   |                #hotsex on IRC                    ~*  .'`  _\
 .'     \                                                    /  (o/  
(    ,   )     Online computer users often engage      *    |    _\   *
 '--' '-'      in what is affectionately known as            \  '==. 
               "cybersex".  Often the fantasies           *   '.____\ 
 typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone        * 
lines get pretty raunchy.  However, as you'll see below,             ~*
 one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript 
 of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of        \O
 cyber sex.  Then again, maybe he does...                   *     |\
         _                                      _                /|
    ~0  (_|  . - ' - . _ . - ' - . _ . - ' - . |_)  O       |____\|___|
   |(_~|^~~|                                  |~~^|~_)|     |`'-.:.-'`|
   TT/_ T"T                                    T"T _\HH     |_.-':'-._|
jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^   O|----:----|
                                                          /_|`'-.:.-'`|
 Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?      \/|_.-':'-._|
                                                           \|----:----|
 Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt    |`'-.:.-'`|
 and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and        |_.-':'-._|
 perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look    |----:----|
 like?                                                      |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses     |----:----|
 and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought     |`'-.:.-'`|
 from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots  |_.-':'-._|
 of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.     |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?        O|_.-':'-._|
                                                          /_|----:----|
       (          Wellhung: OK                            \/|`'-.:.-'`|
      (,)                                                  \|_.-':'-._|
    |~~'~~|       Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's   |----:----|
    |     |       soft music playing on the stereo and      |`'-.:.-'`|
 .--|_____|--.    candles on my dresser and night table.    |_.-':'-._|
'.___________.'   I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling.   |----:----|
                  My hand works its way down to your        |`'-.:.-'`|
     _,           crotch and begins to fondle your huge,    |_.-':'-._|
  .-'_|      ,    swelling bulge.                           |----:----|
 _| (_|     _|\                                    .-.      |`'-.:.-'`|
(_|        (_|    Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm      ( : )     |_.-':'-._|
                  beginning to sweat.              '-'      |----:----|
                                                   .-.      |`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and        ( : )     |_.-':'-._|
 kissing your chest.                               '-'      |----:----|
                                                   .-.      |`'-.:.-'`|
 Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.       ( : )     |_.-':'-._|
 My hands are trembling.                           '-'      |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.                            |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it    |`'-.:.-'`|
 off slowly.                                                |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The     |`'-.:.-'`|
 cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your       O|_.-':'-._|
 bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.                       /_|----:----|
                                                          \/|`'-.:.-'`|
 Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and acci-    \|_.-':'-._|
 dentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.            |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.     |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Wellhung: I'll pay for it.                )\_ _/(          |`'-.:.-'`|
                                       --=(__/^\__)==-      |_.-':'-._|
 Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.                          |----:----|
 I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising   |`'-.:.-'`|
 and falling, as I breath harder and harder.                |_.-':'-._|
     ___               ___                                  |----:----|
    / _ \          _.-'_.'   Wellhung: I'm fumbling with    |`'-.:.-'`|
    \____`-.____.-'_.-'      the clasp on your bra. I       |_.-':'-._|
         `-. . \.-'          think it's stuck. Do you have  |----:----|
     ____.-'`__/-._          any scissors?                  |`'-.:.-'`|
    / _  .-'`  '-._`-._                                     |_.-':'-._|
    \___/          '-._'-.   Sweetheart: I take your hand   |----:----|
                       `"`   and kiss it softly. I'm reach- |`'-.:.-'`|
                             ing back undoing the clasp.    |_.-':'-._|
 The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts.   |----:----|
 My nipples are erect for you.                              |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and  |----:----|
 inspecting the clasp.                                      |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to   |----:----|
 feel your tongue all over me.                              |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you  |----:----|
 know, breasts. They're neat!                               |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now  |----:----|
 I'm nibbling your ear.                                     |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
   \\\\\\//    Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts    |----:----|
  \\\    \     are covered with spit and phlegm.           O|`'-.:.-'`|
  \\   <oo)                                               /_|_.-':'-._|
  \\C     \        Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.        \/|----:----|
  \\     __\                                               \|`'-.:.-'`|
  /     _\':.           Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm  |_.-':'-._|
 /     _\'..:. :.       off my breasts with the remains of  |----:----|
      /   ': : : : :.   my blouse.                          |`'-.:.-'`|
          : ' :: : :.                                       |_.-':'-._|
            . : ' .     Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping    |----:----|
                        wet blouse from you. I drop it      |`'-.:.-'`|
 with a plop.                                               |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and      |`'-.:.-'`|
 rubbing your hard tool.                                    |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are       |`'-.:.-'`|
 cold! Yeeee!                                               |_.-':'-._|
                                      .--------------.      |----:----|
 Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my         \-.        .-/       |`'-.:.-'`|
 miniskirt. Take off my panties.        \ \      / /        |_.-':'-._|
                                         \ \    / /         |----:----|
 Wellhung: I'm pulling off your           `-'--'-`         O|`'-.:.-'`|
 panties. My tongue is going all over,                    /_|_.-':'-._|
 in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.       \/|----:----|
                                                           \|`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: What's the matter?                             |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat.       |`'-.:.-'`|
 I'm choking.                                               |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Sweetheart: Are you OK?                                    |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.  |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: Can I help?                                    |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm  |`'-.:.-'`|
 fumbling through the cabinets, looking for       ____      |_.-':'-._|
 a cup. Where do you keep your cups?           ,|`----`|    |----:----|
                                              ((|      |    |`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of    \|      |    |_.-':'-._|
 the sink.                                      |      |    |----:----|
                                                '------'    |`'-.:.-'`|
 Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There,              |_.-':'-._|
 that's better.                                             |----:----|
                                                           O|`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.                      /_|_.-':'-._|
                                                          \/|----:----|
 Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.                        \|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.                |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in   |_.-':'-._|
 the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom.      |----:----|
 Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?            |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.  |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Wellhung: I found it.                                      |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I     |`'-.:.-'`|
 want you so badly.                                        O|_.-':'-._|
                                                          /_|----:----|
 Wellhung: Me too.                                        \/|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                           \|_.-':'-._|
 Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately,   |----:----|
 our naked bodies pressing each other.                      |`'-.:.-'`|
   _               _                                        |_.-':'-._|
 .'_`\           .' `\     Wellhung: Your face is pushing   |----:----|
(_( \ \         (_( \ \     my glasses into my face.        |`'-.:.-'`|
     \ \             \ \     It hurts.                      |_.-':'-._|
      \ \ ____________\ \                                   |----:----|
       \.'====. = .===='.\     Sweetheart: Why don't you    |`'-.:.-'`|
       ((      ) (      ))      take off your glasses?      |_.-':'-._|
        \\____//^\\____//                                   |----:----|
         '----'   '----'      Wellhung: OK, but I can't     |`'-.:.-'`|
                             see very well without them.    |_.-':'-._|
 I place the glasses on the night table.                    |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly      O|`'-.:.-'`|
 across the room and toward the bathroom.                 /_|_.-':'-._|
                                                          \/|----:----|
 Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.                            \|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling   |----:----|
 around for the toilet. I lift the lid.                     |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
     _           Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your   |----:----|
    [_]|         return.                                    |`'-.:.-'`|
    | ||.==.                                                |_.-':'-._|
    |_ ``""`)    Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling      |----:----|
jgs  _)    (_    around for the flush handle, but I can't   |`'-.:.-'`|
                 find it. Uh-oh!                            |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Sweetheart: What's the matter now?                         |`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry   |----:----|
 hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now,  |`'-.:.-'`|
 blindly feeling my way.                                    |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.                            O|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                          /_|_.-':'-._|
 Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my... you know...     \/|----:----|
 thing... in your... you know... woman's thing.            \|`'-.:.-'`|
                                                            |_.-':'-._|
 Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!                       |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. |_.-':'-._|
 I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.   |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I   |_.-':'-._|
 can't stand it another second! Slide in!  Screw me now!    |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 ;;,       Wellhung: I'm flaccid.                           |_.-':'-._|
 ;;;-.                                                      |----:----|
  ';_ \    Sweetheart: What?                                |`'-.:.-'`|
 \_) \_\                                                    |_.-':'-._|
      \_)  Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incred- |_.-':'-._|
 ulous look on my face.                                     |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my     |_.-':'-._|
 wiener all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see     |----:----|
 what's wrong.                                              |`'-.:.-'`|
                                        .-'<\ />'-.        O|_.-':'-._|
 Sweetheart: No, never mind.           /    \V/    \      /_|----:----|
 I'm getting dressed. I'm putting      | ,   :   , |      \/|`'-.:.-'`|
 on my underwear. Now I'm putting      | |\  :  /| |       \|_.-':'-._|
 on my wet nasty blouse.               | ||__:__|| |        |----:----|
                                       \_/       \_/        |`'-.:.-'`|
 Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squint-     ~         ~         |_.-':'-._|
 ing, trying to find the night table.                       |----:----|
 I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair  |`'-.:.-'`|
 spray, picture frames and your candles.   ,___ ,__         |_.-':'-._|
                                           )  `\  `\        |----:----|
 Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse.     (   _ '-._'-._    |`'-.:.-'`|
 Now I'm putting on my shoes.              )_( \____)___)   |_.-':'-._|
                                                            |----:----|
 Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My   |`'-.:.-'`|
 God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain   |_.-':'-._|
 is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
               (    Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging     |_.-':'-._|
    __________ )\   off, you loser!                         |----:----|
   /         /\{,}                                          |`'-.:.-'`|
   \_________\/`'`  Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire!    |_.-':'-._|
                                     Oh noooo!              |----:----|
                  (  .      )                               |_.-':'-._|
              )           (              )                 O|----:----|
                    .  '   .   '  .  '  .                 /_|`'-.:.-'`|
           (    , )       (.   )  (   ',    )             \/|_.-':'-._|
            .' ) ( . )    ,  ( ,     )   ( .               \|----:----|
         ). , ( .   (  ) ( , ')  .' (  ,    )               |`'-.:.-'`|
        (_,) . ), ) _) _,')  (, ) '. )  ,. (' )             |_.-':'-._|
       ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^           |----:----|
                Sweetheart: <logged off>                    |`'-.:.-'`|
         _                                      _           |_.-':'-._|
        (_|  . - ' - . _ . - ' - . _ . - ' - . |_)  O       |----:----|
   |   |^~~|                                  |~~^|~_)|     |`'-.:.-'`|
   TT   T"T                                    T"T _\HH     |_.-':'-._|
jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^   |----:----|
    _                                                 _     |`'-.:.-'`|
   (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)    |_.-':'-._|
   (_.===============================================._)    |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
   ,                A man showed some friends his apart-    |_.-':'-._|
  /(  ___________   ment.  One guest asked "What's that     |----:----|
 |  >:===========`  big brass basin for?" "That's the       |`'-.:.-'`|
  )(                talking clock," answered the man. He    |_.-':'-._|
  ""         jgs    gave it an ear shattering pound with    |----:----|
                    a hammer. Suddenly, a voice on the      |`'-.:.-'`|
 other side of the wall screamed, "Knock it off, it's      O|_.-':'-._|
 2 a.m., you idiot!"                                      /_|----:----|
    _                                                 _   \/|`'-.:.-'`|
   (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)   \|_.-':'-._|
   (_.===============================================._)    |----:----|
                                                            |`'-.:.-'`|
 Did you hear that many years ago, Italy almost beat the    |_.-':'-._|
 U.S. to the moon....... but they ran out of scaffolding.   |----:----|

                                                             _     .-. 
          John Nunley <jokemaster@funnybone.com>            ( `. .'   )
                                                             `. `   /'
      write to <subscribe@funnybone.com> to subscribe          |   |
    write to <unsubscribe@funnybone.com> to unsubscribe        |   |
   write to <info@funnybone.com> for general information      _|66 |
                                                             (__,  |
        For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website           L_,)|
                http://www.funnybone.com                         | |
                                                               ,_/ |
                 ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
            http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/                |   |
                                                              /     '.
   The Funny Bone is powered by a GoSite Internet Server     (   ,    )
               http://www.funnybone.com/gs               jgs  '-' '--'