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                       |__   __| |                   September 7, 1997
                          | |  | |__   ___                      Sunday
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   |  ,__)                              __/ |                         
   |(,_|       To properly view the    |___/   ASCII art contained here,
   | |         use a non-proportional         "typewriter" font such as
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   |   |       
   |   |                     Are You A Neanderthal?  
 .'     \      
(    ,   )     As you know, there is growing evidence that suggests that
 '--' '-'      Neanderthal man may have interbred with modern man.  As a
               matter of fact his descendants may be with us even today,
 passing for full-blooded Homo Sapiens.  If you suspect a "touch of the
 old hand ax" in your ancestry, score yourself on this test:

             Test Yourself:                          ,#####I#####,
                                                  ,########I########,
 1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle?         ,###.'  ~~~~~  '.###,
    If so, give yourself five points.          ,####/#####"""#####\####
 2. Can you lock your knees in an upright      ####/ \_O_/   \_O_/ \####
    position?  If not, take five points.       ###(      |   |      )###
 3. Got a chin?  If the answer is no, add      #####,   ( o o )  ,######
    three points.                              '#######   _"_   #######'
 4. How about a forehead?  If not, add          #####'`.'`_`_`'.`'#####
    another three points.                      ,#####\ `._`"`_.' /#####,
 5. Is it easy for you to balance a book       #######'._ ``` _.'#######
    on your head?  Then give yourself five     ########/ '---' \########
    points.                                    `#jgs##'         '######`
 6. Do you ever open Coke bottles with your
    teeth?  If you do, add ten points.
 7. Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your heels than
    sitting in a chair?  Take five points.
 8. Is your head attached vertically to your neck?  If not, add one point
    for every five degrees of slope.
 9. Less than five feet tall?  Add one point for every inch under.
10. If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm, add one point for
    every inch of difference.
11. Ditto for your lower and upper legs.
12. Pigeon-toed?  Five points.
13. Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a club?  You're
    normal--no points.
14. Is the space between your big toe and your other toes big enough to
    hold an apple?  Add five points.
15. Do you regularly eat apples in this way?  Add fifteen points.
16. Do people think you're wearing your hair in a bun when you're not?
    Give yourself ten points.
17. Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters and an over-
    coat?  Take five more points.
18. Is your nickname "Duke", "Butch", or "Animal"?  Three points.