To properly view the ASCII art contained in this mailing be sure that your mail reader's screen font is set to a non-proportional "typewriter-like" font such as Courier, FixedSys, or Monaco. For additional help write to: art@funnybone.com _______ _ |__ __| | November 29, 1998 | | | |__ ___ Sunday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ | | | \_, | | I Love Bowling! | | .' \ Dear Mom, I am so excited. I met this terrific guy at ( , ) church last Sunday and he's taught me everything there '--' '-' is to know about bowling... and is it a fun game! First he took me to his apartment to ...... ...... see his ten pin. This puzzled me at .:oOOOOo:. .:oOOOOo:. first as I thought bowling had some- .:oOO:'':Oo:. .:oO:'':OOo:. thing to do with ten pins not one .:oO:' ':Oo:oO:' ':Oo:. ten-pin. He said it was best to :oO: ':O:' :Oo: begin with one; but I could try :oO: ' :Oo: 10 later when I was experienced. ':oO: B O W L I N G :Oo:' ':oO: .-. .-. .-. :Oo:' He asked if I would like to polish ':oO. ' ' .Oo:' his ten-pin and balls. I said sure ':oO. .Oo:' so he took them out for me to see. Mom, ':oO. .Oo:' he has the nicest little bowling bag with ':oO. .Oo:' 2 balls in it...but he didn't want me to take 'oO:Oo' jgs them out of the bag. I looked around for a cloth 'oOo' to polish with but couldn't find any. He said I 'o' could just use my tongue and I did. As soon as I started that his ten-pin got super hard and big... I won- dered if it would be fun to suck on and it was! he started moaning, though, so I had to stop. He told me to go ahead please as that was the best way to get the polish out. So I licked and I sucked and he moaned and I sucked. Suddenly my mouth was filled with his polish. I was so excited I swallowed the polish, but he didn't mind, he said we could make more after a few minutes. Then he said that I had a few bowling features, too---how come you and daddy never told me about them? He showed me my reset buttons on my chest and my very own bowling alley... and I didn't even know what they were for! He started playing with my reset buttons, first with his hands, then his tongue, then his hands, his tongue... I tried to lay still for him but my body started writhing around and I started moaning too...ooh it felt good! Then he checked out my alley and said he would eat a little before he threw a strike. When he started eating I nearly died! My eyes were crossing and my toes curled up so tight they hurt... but felt good too! My whole body was electrified with excitement, every muscle trembled at once! He had finished his snack, but I was now hungry so I started to go after his special polish. I licked one ball and then the other. I took his ten-pin deep into my mouth and started to suck. But he said to stop. He wanted to polish my alley with his ten-pin. I thought my alley had been polished pretty well already but I wasn't going to tell him, cuz I was ready for more. He thrust his hot hard pin deep into my alley and literally took my breath away for a moment. Then he started thrusting again and again. I LOVED it! My whole body started to go crazy again! I was squirming and writhing underneath him while he worked and I felt like I was spinning higher and higher. I knew I was moaning and yelling, but I couldn't stop. It was so intense! He took me up, up, up to somewhere I've never been before...and I aim to go back again! .-. He said he'd take me there as often as I wanted; .-.\ / .-. but he needed a little rest first. \ /|=| \ / |=| \ |=| Well mom, I really enjoyed bowling with him. / \ ---./ \ But I just don't understand. Why do some people | / .. \ | think bowling is dull? | |# ' | | jgs '._\ /_.' with love, '---' Virginia _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) ____________________________________________________________ |__1__|__2__|__3__|__4__|__5__|__6__|__7__|__8__|__9__|__10__| | |x| |/| 3|6| |_| |_| |_| |_| |_| |_| |_|_| | | | | | | | | | | | |_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|______| A woman asks her husband to get some groceries at the store so he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a near by Depanneur instead where at the counter he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They buy a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, it's so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands, and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!?!" "Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed so I went to the depanneur. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." _.-._ "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" | | | |_ | | | | | She sees his hands are covered with | | | | | powder and... "You damn liar!!! _ | '-._ | \`\`-.'-._; You went bowling again!!!" \ ' | \ .` / jgs | | _____________________________________________________________ |__1__|__2__|__3__|__4__|__5__|__6__|__7__|__8__|__9__|__10___| | |X| 8|/| 3|6| |X| 9|/| 8|/| |X| 9|/| 9|G| X|X|X| | 20 | 33 | 42 | 62 | 80 | 100 | 120 | 139 | 148 | 178 | '-----'-----'-----'-----'-----'-----'-----'-----'-----'-------' _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) .-. \ / .-. The Bowling Joke... |_| .-. \ / |=| \ / |_| All right, so this guy goes to a / \ |_| |=| bowling alley and he picks up the / (@) \|=|/ \ uh... ball, and then he goes to the ____ | / \@) \ lane, you know the lane, yeah. Then .' '. / (@) \ | he bowls the uh, ball and it knocks / # \ | | | down all 10 pins, so its a strike. So | o o |'='| | / he goes to the concession stand and \ o / \ /'=' gets a Coke, but the Coke has um, ice jgs '.____.' '=' in it. So he drinks the Coke but there's still ice in it. Yeah, so he goes to the lane, you know the lane, and picks up the ball and bowls it and he knocked down three pins, but eight of them fell. So he goes to the lane, cause you know, you get 2 chances in each frame. Anyway, he picks up the uh ball, and bowls it... So the rest of the pins fall. So now it's the 3rd frame and he picks up the round thing, the ball, yeah. And he bowls it and it's a gutter ball, you know the gutter, Those two holes in the lane, yeah. So he bowls again. He gets 2 strikes in a row after that, you know a strike, yeah. So he goes to the concession stand and asks for red cabbage, but he only had blue cabbage. On the 6th frame, he gets two gutter balls. So he gets mad, you know, angry. So he vomits all over the place, but he can't clean it up because he's bowling, you know, with the uh ball? Anyway on the 7th frame, he breaks is finger, but he keeps playing. But since he broke his finger-you know a finger, it's kind of a toe for a hand- anyway, he goes to the concession stand to get a cup of ice for his hand toe, finger! So he gets 2 more strikes but his foot hurts cause he broke his finger, so it is really his hand that hurts. So now it's the 10th frame, out of 10. Anyway, he bowls the uh, ball, and he gets a gutter ball. Then he gets a spare, it would have been a um, strike, but he got a gutter ball first. Anyway, he gets a third try cause it's the 10th frame. You get 3 chances on the 10th if you get a strike or spare. So now it's the last chance and he gets back and ...... I forgot the rest! _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) A redneck couple were married and went on their honeymoon. After several hours the guy picks up the phone and calls his dad. "Dad", he says desperately, "I forgot what you told me to do!" His father replies, "Don't you remember, Son? I told you to put your most precious thing in where she pees." _....._ "Oh yeah!", the guy shouted. .;;' '-. .;;: _ '. So, he ran and threw his /;;:'(@) \ bowling ball in the toilet. |;;:'_ _ | |;;:(@) (@) | |;;::. | \;;::. / ';;::. .' '-;;:.. _.-' jgs ''''' _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Q: Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing? A: The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes. .-. / \ ____\___/ \ /\ / \____ |\ | \ __ ((() / / -= / \ ///\ _jgs____/___/________________________________-=______\__/______\\\/ "Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain." -- Martin Mull _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley ( `. .' ) `. ` /' write to to subscribe | | write to to unsubscribe | | write to for general information _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | | | / '. The Funny Bone is powered by a GoSite Internet Server ( , ) jgs '-' '--'