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                       |__   __| |                        May 19, 2000
                          | |  | |__   ___                      Friday
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  `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___ 
    |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
    |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
    | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
    |  ,__)                             __/ |                         
    |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
    | |         
    | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
    |   |      
    |   |                    F R I D A Y    E D I T I O N 
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               jokes.  Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.  See
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        (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
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                                                    ____
                                               _,=~`    `~=,_
              Lost Dog                      .=`  ~-.    .-~  `-.
                                          /`  /    {    }    \  `\
                                         |    |   _ \  / _   |    |
 There was once a woman who owned        |    /  /@) )( (@\  \    |
 a dog that she named Titswiggle.        \   |      /  \      |   |
 One day when she came home from          \  |     / __ \     \   /
 work she discovered that her              |_/\   / (..) \   / \_|
 beloved dog had run away.                 `  /\ ;   /\   ; /\   
                                            /`  `.\ /==\ /.'  `\
 She was out all night asking if          /`    /-=`""""`=-\    `\
 anyone had seen her dog.  After         ;     |-=-=-=--=-=-|     ;
 looking for many hours and not         jgs     \-=-=-=-=-=/
 finding her dog, she went home.                 `~~~~~~~~`

 The next morning she met Little Johnny who said that he had seen a
 stray dog.  The dog he described matched hers exactly.  Upon hearing
 this she asked Little Johnny, "Have you seen my Titswiggle?"

 Little Johnny replied... "No, but can that be my reward?"

      If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
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                                                       ((((((((((()
 FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS                               /  _____   /|
                                                     /  /____/  /-|
                                                    /          /--|
 The newspaper editor was instructing the cub      /          /---|
 reporter in important details of his calling.    /__________/----|
 "Never state as a fact anything you are not          |-----------|
 absolutely sure about," said the editor.             |-----------|
 "To avoid putting the paper in the position      jgs '-----------'
 of stating something which it may not be able
 to prove, you should always use the words 'alleged,' 'claimed,'
 'reputed,' 'rumored,' and so on, unless you know positively that
 everything is true as stated."

 The cub was sent out to get society items, and soon thereafter the
 following paragraph appeared in the society column:

 "It is rumored that a bridge party was given yesterday by a number
 of reputed ladies.  Mrs. Smith, it is said, was hostess.  The guests,
 it is alleged, with the exception of Mrs. Brown, who says that she
 comes from Illinois, were all local people.  Mrs. Smith claims to be
 the wife of Alexander Smith, who is rumored to be doing a thriving
 business in town."

         _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
        (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
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                                        |    
 Older Lovers...                    \       /  
                                      .-'-.       
                                 --  /     \  --      
 Grandpa and    `~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^-=======-~^~^~^~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~`
 Grandpa were   `~^_~^~^~-~^_~^~^_~-=========- -~^~^~^-~^~^_~^~^~^~`
 sitting in     `~^~-~~^~^~-^~^_~^~~ -=====- ~^~^~-~^~_~^~^~~^~-~^~`
 their porch    `jgs^~-~^~~^~-~^~~-~^~^~-~^~~^-~^~^~^-~^~^~^~^~~^~-`
 rockers
 watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old
 days".  Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember
 when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach
 over and take my hand?"

 Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand
 in his.

 With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do
 you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and
 suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"

 Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on
 her wrinkled cheek.

 Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how,
 after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?"

 Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house.
 Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"

 Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"

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        (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
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                                                     _____
                                                 ,-:` \;',`'-, 
 Real Places You Might Consider                .'-;_,;  ':-;_,'.
 (Not) Visiting On Your Next Vacation         /;   '/    ,  _`.-\
                                             | '`. (`     /` ` \`|
    Gay Head, Massachusetts                  |:.  `\`-.   \_   / |
    Dicks Head, Kenya                        |     (   `,  .`\ ;'|
    Intercourse, Pennsylvania                 \     | .'     `-'/
    Dildo, Newfoundland                        `.   ;/        .'
    Mount Dick, Adams Island New Zealand         `'-._____.-'`  jgs
    Gays, Illinois
    Fort Gay, Wyoming
    Screw River, New Guinea
    Cumming, Georgia
    Dykesville, Louisiana
    Sappho's Leap, Levkas Greece
    Dykes Crossroads, Tennessee
    Oral, South Dakota
    Big Hole, Montana
    Blue Balls, Pennsylvania
         _                                                 _
        (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
        (_.===============================================._)

                                                            _     .-. 
       John Nunley  -  jokemaster@funnybone.com            ( `. .'   )
                                                            `. `   /'
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                                                              ,_/ |
                ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
               http://www.ascii-art.com/                      |   |
                                                             /     '.
 Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved.   (   ,    )
                                                             '-' '--'
      ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark
  please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art
       http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm