_______ _ |__ __| | May 31, 2000 | | | |__ ___ Wednesday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | | | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe. For more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _,,--,,_ A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one /` .`\ of very fancy clean streets of Delhi found / ' _.-' \ himself needing to urinate badly. After a | `'_{}_ | long search he could not find any place to | /` `\ | you-know, and eventually couldn't control \/ == == \/ himself and chose a silent corner of a clean /| (.)(.) |\ street to release himself. \| __)_ |/ |\/____\/| As soon as he had just started you-know-what, | ` ~~ ` | a Delhi police official approached him, \ / "Hey, What do you think you're doing here?" `.____.` jgs Pakistani tourist: "Sorry I have to Pee" Police : "No PP here okay ? Follow me......" The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around........ Police: "PP here..... and have a nice day". Pakistani tourist : "Oh Sir, ....... that's very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?" Police: "No.......this is The Pakistani Embassy!" If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) ___ The Adopted Rabbit: '--.'. _..._ .' `.----' /`o \ _..._ An infant rabbit was orphaned. '.__ .' `'` '. Fortunately though, a family of / .- \ squirrels took it in and raised | | | | it as if it were one of their own. / \/ /--.\ } This adoption led to some peculiar .' // /` /` _\ ,/` behaviors on the part of the rabbit, ``.' / `/` .--' including a tendency for it to eschew ``` ``` jgs jumping but rather to embrace running around like its step siblings. As the rabbit passed through puberty, however, it soon faced an identity crisis (don't we all!). It went to its stepparents to discuss the problem. It allowed as to how it felt different from its step siblings, was unsure of its place in the universe, and was generally forlorn. Their response was, ... "Don't scurry, be hoppy." _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) .""-. / / ( Touring Egypt .-""-.__.-\__)_/ / ( | / _ \\_ _ An Egyptian guide shepherds his party \jgs____\'--\_____\\ into Cairo's most beautiful mosque and announced, "Here the sons of our great leader Nasser and his aristocratic friends learn to worship God and his prophet Mohammed." A Maoist from Shanghai interrupted from the edge of the crowd, That's not the way my Chinese ancestors tell it." The guide looked pained and remarked... "There seems to be a little Confucian around here." _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) 0_ T-Shirt Sayings \`. ___ \ \ / __>0 /\ / |/' / -Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out / \/ ` ,`'--. of Three Ain't Bad / /(___________)_ \ -I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I |/ //.-. .-.\\ \ \ Called In Dead 0 // :@ ___ @: \\ \/ -Husband and Cat Lost... Reward for Cat ( o ^(___)^ o ) 0 -Be Nice to Your Children... They'll Pick \ \_______/ / Your Nursing Home '._______.' jgs -Husbands Should Come With Instructions -Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time -Even If You Lead a Good Life, Go to Church and Say Your Prayers, You'll Still Go to Des Moines When You Die -Bigamy Is Having One Wife Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same -I'm Not Suddenly a Dirty Old Man...I've Been Practicing Since 1949 -Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton -Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt -Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes...Use Birth Control -If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees -A Nest Isn't Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the Attic -Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up -My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse... He Couldn't do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse -My Dog Can Lick Anyone -Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups -(On a baby-size shirt) Party - My Crib - Two A.M. -I Don't Suffer from Insanity.... I'm a Carrier -The More I Learn About Women, the More I Love My Harley -I'm Not 50. I'm $49.95 Plus Shipping & Handling -I Am the Person Your Parents Warned You About -That Was Zen; This Is Tao -Fifty Is the Ultimate F-Word _ _ (_\ /_) -Aliens Have Examined My Internal )) (( Organs .-"""""""-. -I'm on a 30-Day Diet. So Far I've Lost /^\/ _. _. \/^\ 15 Days \( /__\ /__\ )/ -Your Kid May Be an Honor Student, But \, \o_/_\o_/ ,/ You're Still an idiot \ (_) / -When You Do a Good Deed, Get a `-.'==='.-' Receipt, in Case Heaven Is Like the __) - (__ IRS / `~~~` \ -Sometimes I Fantasize That I'm Rich / / \ \ Enough to Be a Republican \ : ; / -Disregard Last T-Shirt \|==(*)==|/ -I Do Whatever the Voices Tell Me to Do : : -I'm Retired and This Is As Dressed Up \ | / As I'm Gonna Get ___)=|=(___ -Growing Old Is Mandatory... Growing Up jgs {____/ \____} Is Optional -I'm Not 50--I'm 18 with 32 Years Experience -Parents of Teenagers Know Why Animals Eat Their Young -Goodbye Tension... Hello Pension _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM: ________ h___ __ __ _____ ___ | | | L|_ _/ L\__ _| L\__ | L\_ _/ L\__ | |_| | '-o---o-' '-o---o-' '-O---O-' '=o----o-' '-OO----`OO----O-' One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: L.A. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to funnybone-off@mail-list.com and your | | address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm