_______ _ |__ __| | September 10, 2000 | | | |__ ___ Sunday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, | | T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe. For more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) /\ || Two brooms were hanging in the closet and /\ || after awhile they got to know each other || || so well, they decided to get married. One || || broom was, of course, the bride broom and || || the other the groom broom. || || || || The bride broom looked very beautiful in || || her white dress. The groom broom was hand- || || some and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding || || was lovely. || || || _()_ After the wedding at the wedding dinner, || / \ the bride broom leaned over and said to _()_|____\_| the groom broom, "I think I am going to / \ \======| have a little whisk broom!" |_/____| | | |======| | | "IMPOSSIBLE!", said the groom broom. | | || | We haven't even swept together yet! | | |\/\/\/ jgs || || \/\/\/\/ If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) .---. ."""-. // \ \ A little girl and a little boy | .\\\ )' )_| were at day care one day. The \__/ -( \__ / girl approaches the boy and \ _/ .-;___;-. says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play .-;_(-. / \ house?" / \ /-/| |\-\ /_/| |\_\ \ \| |/ / \ \|___|/ / \ \_____/ / He says, "Sure! What do you )|\ /|\ /|\ |\\ want me to do?" | | | | | |_____| | | | The girl replies, "I want you | | | |_ | _| to communicate." |-|-| | | | \ | / | | | Tommy says to her, "That word jgs /-T-\ |__|__| is too big. I don't know what (_/ \_) (_/ \_) it means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband." _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) ,-"""-, "Honey," said this husband to / \__ \ his wife, "I invited a friend | / `\ | home for supper." \( ^.^ )/ \ - / "What? Are you crazy? The .-'|;---;|-. house is a mess, I didn't (\/ ||___|| `\ go shopping, all the dishes \\__/ \__| are dirty, and I don't feel C|`----`|D __//| | like cooking a fancy meal!" | |====( | | | | _/_/___.---- "I know all that." .===| |====\ /===. | ('------') ( '----' ) | "Then why did you invite a jgs | | friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married." _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _____ A group of guys and one girl are sitting .-' '-. together at a baseball game. During the .;= =;. game the guys notice the girl knew just / =;= =;= \ as much about the game as themselves, and ; =;= =;= ; are really impressed. After the game they | =;= =;= | ask her, "How is it that you know so much ; =;= =;= ; about baseball?" \ =;= =;= / ';= =;' She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and jgs '-._____.-' got a sex change." The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut IT off?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "Was it when they cut off your balls?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "What was the most painful part?" "The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!" _ http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) ________ New-Age Phrases | ______o| _______________ ||__---_|| | ___________ || ______ | Chip Jewelry: | | | |||______|| | | # | ||--------| A euphemism for old | | | || O | computers destined to be | | | || | | scrapped or turned into | '-----------' || | | decorative ornaments. |_____________-_|| | | "I paid three grand for ___/_______\____|::::::::| that Mac SE, and now it's /________________\-.__ nothing but chip jewelry." /:::::::::':::'::\ .\\\---. jgs/::======::: .:.:::\ \\_) \ CGI Joe: `""""""""""""""""""` '-----' A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure. Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome." Egosurfing: Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name. Crapplet: A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!" Plug-and-Play: A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play." Graybar Land: .---------------------------. | [____DOWNLOAD STATUS____] | The place you go while you're | ________________________ | staring at a computer that's | |::::::::::::60%| || processing something very | `"""""""""""""""""""""""" | slowly (while you watch the '---------------------------' gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for hours thanks to that download." Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home or telecommute. Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque." Elvis Year: The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney's Elvis Year was 1993." Tourists: People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists." _________________ Beepilepsy: /.-------------. \ || |[]| The brief seizure people sometimes suffer |'-------------'[]| when their beepers go off, especially in | [___|___] | vibrator mode. Characterized by physical | ____ | spasms, goofy facial expressions, and jgs\___________[____]/ stopping speech in mid-sentence. _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to sunday-funnies-off@mail-list.com and your | | address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm