_______ _
                       |__   __| |                  September 28, 2000
                          | |  | |__   ___                    Thursday
                          | |  | '_ \ / _ \
  .-.     _     ______    | |  | | | |  __/    ____
 (   `. .' )   |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
  `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___ 
    |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
    |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
    | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
    |  ,__)                             __/ |                         
    |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
    | |         
    | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
    |   |      
    |   |                    F R I D A Y    E D I T I O N 
  .'     \      
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 "I've never understood why women love cats.        (\(\
 Cats are independent, they don't listen,           ).. \
 they don't come in when you call, they like        \Y_, '-.
 to stay out all night, come home and expect          )     '.
 to be fed and stroked, then want to be left          |  \/   \ 
 alone and sleep. In other words, every               \\ |\_  |_
 quality that women hate in a man, they love      jgs ((_/(__/_,'.
 in a cat."                                                (,----'
                                  - Unknown                 `

      If you enjoyed this joke PLEASE recommend it to a friend.
         _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
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                                             \\\\,
                                             /..\\
 "A cantor brags before his                  <   )
 congregation in a booming,                  \- /
 bellowing voice: "Two years                 _)_(_
 ago I insured my voice with               .'\___/'.
 Lloyds of London for                     /.-.___.-.\
 $750,000."                               [_________]
                                           |       |
 There is a hushed and awed          (     |   ,   |       (\/)
 silence in the crowded room.     ) _\)_   |  -|-  |      <_@__>
 Suddenly, from the back of     _(/_ ||    |   |   |       (/\)(\/)
 the room, the quiet, nasal      ||  ||    |       |      (\/) <_@_>
 voice of an elderly woman       ||  ||    |       |     <_@_>'(/\)
 is heard, "So what did          ||  ||    |       |      (/\|/|-.
 you do with the money?"         ||  ||   .---------.       _|_|_
                                 ||  ||_,-'---------'-,__  |WWWWW|
                            ___jgs|_|____________________|_\_____/__
                                          __
                       .-.               /  \
                      //|\\             |    |
                      |||||     .-.     (\__/)
                     .//\\\.   //|\\    _)__(_
                    / `"""` \  )|||(  /`      `\
               .======================================.
              j                                        |
              g                                        |
              s                                        |

         _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
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                                              _
 One Sunday morning, the pastor              / \
 noticed little Alex was staring            //_\\
 up at the large plaque that               //(_)\\
 hung in the foyer of the church.           |/^\| 
 It was covered with names and              // \\    ,@@@@@@@,
 small American flags were                 //   \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@,
 mounted on either side of it.            // === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@
 The seven-year old had been             // =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%
 staring at the plaque for some         //   ===   \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%,
 time.  So the pastor walked up,       //|         |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%
 stood beside the boy, and said        ~ |         | ~ @|| %\\//%%%
 quietly, "Good morning Alex."           |  __ __  |    || %%||%%'
                                         | |  |  | |    ||   ||
 "Good morning pastor," replied          | | -|- | |    ||   ||
 the young man, still focused            |_|__|__|_|    ||   ||
 on the plaque. "What is          jgs  /`  =======  `\__||_._||
 this?" he asked.                    /`    =======            `\

 "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died
 in the service."  Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large
 plaque.

 Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which one,
 the 9:00 a.m. or the 10:30 a.m. service????"

         _       http://www.funnybone.com/recommend/       _
        (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
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          SIGNS THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR MARRIAGE

 - The FBI is regularly called in to settle arguments.     _____
                                                          |_____|
 - You have his and her bathrooms.                         )   (
                                             _______     .'     '.
 - New jars have appeared in the            [_______]   /         \
   kitchen, labelled "Anthrax" and          _)     (_   |-=-=-=-=-|
   "Cyanide".                              /_________\  |         |
                                           |         |  | CYANIDE |
 - Sex is scheduled for a Thursday         | ANTHRAX |  |         |
   evening in the boring bit               |_________|  |-=-=-=-=-|
   between the news and the late       jgs \_________/  \_________/
   night sports show.

 - Your in-laws are placing bets on who will get the house.

 - Your spouse has a picture of you hanging on the dartboard.
    
             _.-"""""-.     //////
   ----=====[_|        |<<<<<<<<<
              '-.....-'     \\\\\\

 - Family outings consist of you being chased out of the house by your
   spouse with a carving knife.

 - You are desperate for your in-laws to visit so you can have
   someone else on which to vent your sarcastic remarks.

 - Your spouse no longer reads novels in bed but stays up late
   studying the small print in your life insurance policy.
         _                                                 _
        (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
        (_.===============================================._)
                                                            _     .-. 
       John Nunley  -  jokemaster@funnybone.com            ( `. .'   )
                                                            `. `   /'
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                ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
               http://www.ascii-art.com/                      |   |
                                                             /     '.
 Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved.   (   ,    )
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