_______ _ |__ __| | October 22, 2000 | | | |__ ___ Sunday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, | | T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe. For more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) .-""-. / _/'"\ (c '\' \ = _) --' .-' <\_/>-. / : , \ / /| : |\ \__.._ / / | : | \_/_/\\\ \_\ \ : / |` \_\ |I=I==I .--'--. /|\| _ | /_______\ | | | | | | I once new a Little Moron who was so modest | | | he went into his clothes closet to change | | | his mind. |__|__|_ jgs | ||____) \_/ If you enjoy The Funny Bone PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/cgi/recommend.cgi/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) . . . . . . .-"""-. \_/ \_/ \_/ Facts are facts... / \ / \ / \ ) ( .--'._____.'--. \"/ \"/ \"/ ( o _ o ) /|\__, __/|\ /|\ You may '-..o_|_|_o..-' \| ` | \ / | \ remember jgs / \ `|\ |\ ` ` /| ` that on () () | \ / | __/ | July 8, 1947, | / / | ` | witnesses claim ` ` ` ` ` a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is an incident, of course, that many say has been covered up by the government. However, you may not know that on March 31, 1948, exactly nine months after that day, Al Gore was born. Coincidence? You decide! If you enjoy The Funny Bone PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/cgi/recommend.cgi/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Famous Marriage Quotes .-""""-. .-""""-. ./ \/ \. | _ _ | My wife and I were happy for twenty \ \. _(9><6)_ ,/ / years. Then we met. `\ \==_) (_==/ /' -- Rodney Dangerfield `\ -'= ='- /' `\ /' I was married by a judge. jgs `\ /' I should have asked for a jury. `\ /' -- George Burns `\/' What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." -- Henny Youngman Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis Diller The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -- Henny Youngman People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. -- Erma Bombeck At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man." After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. (\/) \/ My girlfriend told me I should be (\/) .-. .-. more affectionate. So I got two \/ ((`-)(-`)) girlfriends. \\ // (\/) \\ // \/ A man said his credit card was .="""=._))((_.="""=. stolen but he decided not to report / ., .' '. ,. \ it because the thief was spending /__(,_.-' '-._,)__\ less than his wife did. ` /| |\ ` /_|__ __|_\ Women will never be equal to men | `)) ((` | until they can walk down the street | | with a bald head and a beer gut jgs -"== =="- and still think they are beautiful. If you enjoy The Funny Bone PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/cgi/recommend.cgi/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Bullshit Bingo Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here is a new game to change all of that! How to play: Check off each block when you hear these words during a meeting, seminar, or phone call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout BULLSHIT!! _____________________________________________________________ |.-----------.-----------.-----------.-----------.-----------.| || | | | | || || | | | | || || |"STRATEGIC | "GAP | "BEST | "BOTTOM || || "SYNERGY" | FIT" | ANALYSIS" | PRACTICE" | LINE" || || | | | | || ||___________|___________|___________|___________|___________|| || | | | | || || | | | | || || | "BAND- | "HARD | "OUT | "BENCH || || "REVISIT" | WIDTH" | BALL" | OF THE | MARK" || || | | | LOOP" | || ||___________|___________|___________|___________|___________|| || | | | | || || | | | | || || | | | "THINK | || || "VALUE" |"PROACTIVE"| "WIN-WIN" | OUTSIDE | "FAST" || || | | | THE BOX" | || ||___________|___________|___________|___________|___________|| || | | | | || || | | | "TOTAL | || || "RESULT | "EMPOWER" |"KNOWLEDGE | QUALITY" | "TOUCH || || DRIVEN" | [or] | BASED" |or "QUALITY| BASE" || || |EMPOWERMENT| | DRIVEN" | || ||___________|___________|___________|___________|___________|| || | | | | || || | | | | || || | "CLIENT | "BALL | "GAME | || || "MINDSET" | FOCUS(ED)"| PARK" | PLAN" | "LEVERAGE"|| || | | | | || ||___________|___________|___________|___________|___________|| '-------------------------------------------------------------' .-..-""``""-..-. Testimonials from satisfied players: |(`\`'----'`/`)| \\ ;:. ; // \\|%. |// "I had only been in the meeting for five )|%: |( minutes when I won." - Jack W. (Boston) ((,|%. |,)) '-\::. /-' "My attention span at meetings has improved '::..' dramatically." - David D. (Florida) }{ {__} "What a gas. Meetings will never be the / \ same for me after my first win." |`----'| - Bill R (New York City) jgs | [#1] | '.____.' "The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the 5th box." - Ben G. (Denver) "The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'Bullshit' for the third time in 2 hours." - Kathleen L. (Atlanta) _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to sunday-funnies-off@mail-list.com and your | | address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm