_______ _ |__ __| | October 24, 2000 | | | |__ ___ Tuesday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | | | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe. For more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Halloween Math , _))._ /`'---'`\ What do you get if you divide the circumference | <\ /> | of your jack-o'-lantern by it's diameter? | \ ^ / | \ '-'-' / Pumpkin pi. jgs '--'----' If you enjoy The Funny Bone PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/cgi/recommend.cgi/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Top 10 Halloween things that sound dirty... But Aren't! _ /\ )\ _ __)_)__ .'`--`'. )\_ .-'._'-'_.'-. / ^ ^ \ .'`---`'. .'.' /o\'/o\ '.'. \ \/\/\/ / / <> <> \ : ._: 0 :_. : \ '------' _J_ | A |: \\/\_/\// : | _/)_ .'`---`'. \ <\_/> / : :\/\_/\/: : / .'`----`'./.'b d \ _?_._`"`_.'`'-:__:__:__:__:-' /.'<\ /> \: 0 | .'`---`'.`` _/( /\ |:,___A___,|' V===V / /.'a . a \.'`---`'. __(_(__ \' \_____/ /'._____.' |: ___ /.'/\ /\ \ .-'._'-'_.'-:.______.' _?_ \' \_/ |: ^ | .'.' (o\'/o) '.'. .'`"""`'. '._____.'\' 'vvv' / / :_/_: A :_\_: \ / ^.^ \ '.__.__.' | : \'=...='/ : | \ `===` / jgs \ : :'.___.': : / `-------` '-:__:__:__:__:-' 10. She's a goblin! 9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack. 8. Let me see your bag....OH!-You're having a great night! 7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head. 6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch 5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer. 4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts. 3. Have your mom check it .-. before you put it in .-. /___\ your mouth. /___\ /.....\ /.....\ /:::::::\ .-. 2. You scared me stiff! /:::::::\ /#########\ /___\ /#########\ ########### /.....\ 1. He's got Candy spread ########### `"""""""""`/:::::::\ out on the living room `"""""""""` /#########\ floor! jgs ########### `"""""""""` If you enjoy The Funny Bone PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/cgi/recommend.cgi/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Houses To Avoid At Halloween 10. Any house that seems .-"""""-. to be imploding into / \ a space-time wormhole. .-. | _ _ | .-. (_. '._ | |_\ /_| | _.' ._) 9. Any house made of '-._'-.(_ A _).-'_.-' food. '-._| _____ |_.-' jgs _.-'_\`"""""`/_'-._ 8. Any house whose only .-.-'_.-' `-----' '-._'-.-. entrance goes to the (,_.'` `'._,) basement. 7. Any house where the high tension wires suddenly stop right above it. 6. Any house that has ornamental lawn hyenas. 5. Any house that growls "get out." ,-~-, ,-~~~~-, /\ /\ 4. Any house where the (\ / ,-, \ ,' ', / ~~ \ furniture seems to be \'-' / \ \ / _ # <0 0> \ walking across the '--' \ \/ .' '. # = Y =/ living room floor. \ / \ \ `#-..!.-' \ \ \ `\ \\ 3. Any house that looks ) /> / \ \\ like a giant pulsating / /`/ /`__ \ \\__ orb floating 3 feet jgs (____)))_))) \__))) off the ground. _.-; '.-' / 2. Any house with various and extremely / L realistic statues in the front yard of \_ .'`. people in odd "running away" poses. / \ .----' '----. 1. Any house that wasn't there only a '---. .---' minute ago... / \ /_ _\ | || | jgs |_||_| If you enjoy The Funny Bone PLEASE recommend it to a friend. _ http://www.funnybone.com/cgi/recommend.cgi/ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Some Advice For A Safe Halloween __ _ _ __ _..--"" ."""--._ ( \.---./ ) _.--""". ""--.._ .-'` ' . `'-.'. \/ e e \/ .'.-'` . ' `'-. .'` ' '.\ \ ^ / /.' ' `'. /__ ' . \`\/`-"-`\/`/ ' ' __\ ` '. .' __ . _ \{ }/ _ ' __ '. .' ` '--' '-. . /` \ { } / `\ ' .-' '--' '-' | { } | '-' \ //\ /\\ / jgs '._ // '-' \\ _.' (('. ) .')) \( / `"` When it appears that you have killed a monster, NEVER check to see if it's dead. Never read aloud from a book that summons demons. Do not search the basement when the power is out. If your children suddenly speak in Latin or in another persons voice, shoot them immediately. This will save you both a lot of grief in the long run. Use lots of bullets. .'``'. ... When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER :o o `....'` ; pair off or go it alone. `. O :' `': `. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, `:. `. tomb, or crypt. : `. `. `..'`... `. If you searched for something that `... `. caused a loud noise and find out jgs ``... `. that it's just the cat... `````. ...GET THE HELL OUT! Do not check for short circuits in appliances that start operating by themselves, just get out! Do not take anything from the dead. If a town looks deserted, there is a good reason. Do NOT stop to look around. Don't fool around with recombinant DNA unless you know what you are doing. ______ .-" "-. Stay away from certain geographical / \ locations, some of which are, Amityville, | | Elm Street, Transylvania, The Bermuda |, .-. .-. ,| Triangle and any small town in Maine. | )(__/ \__)( | |/ /\ \| If your house is built upon an old (_ ^^ _) cemetery, move in with the in-laws \__|IIIIII|__/ immediately. This also applies if the | \IIIIII/ | previous inhabitants went mad, or died \ / in some horrible fashion or have performed `--------` jgs satanic practices. If you run out of gas at night on a lone road, do not go to the nearby, deserted looking house to phone. If you suspect the tank is still half full, shoot yourself immediately. You are going to die anyway and will most likely be eaten. _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to sunday-funnies-off@mail-list.com and your | | address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm