_______ _ |__ __| | November 5, 2000 | | | |__ ___ Sunday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, | | T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. See the end of this message for instructions on how to unsubscribe. For more humor visit http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) .-. Polish Bananas / | | / .'\|.-; _ Two Polish guys were taking their first train /.-.;\ |\| trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came ' |'._/ ` down the corridor selling bananas which they'd | \ never seen before. Each bought one. \ | jgs '-' The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." "Why not?" "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Trapped On A Desert Island _,._ __.' _) A man is trapped on a desert island <_,)'.-"a\ with a sheep and a dog. After a few /' ( \ months, the sheep starts looking really _.-----..,-' (`"--^ attractive to the man. However, // | whenever he approaches the sheep the (| `; , | dog begins to growl in a threatening \ ;.----/ ,/ manner. The man takes the dog to the ) // / | |\ \ opposite side of the island giving it jgs \ \\`\ | |/ / some food as a distraction. He runs \ \\ \ | |\/ back to the sheep only to find the dog `" `" `"` growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed-- and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight- fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds, "Could you take the dog for a walk?" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Wanna Have Sex Tonight? .-----------. ___ | | /_._`.__| |_ A husband and wife decided they `(|_|_m_______m_|_|) needed to use a code word to indicate |_______________| that they wanted to have sex, without /o o o o o o o o\ letting their children in on the /o o o o o o o o o\ idea, so they decided on the word ;[]o o o o o o o o[]; "typewriter." jgs | -============- | '------------------' One day, the husband told his five year old daughter, "Dear, go tell your mommy that Daddy needs to type The child went into the a letter." next room and told her mom what Daddy had said, and her mother responded, "Honey, tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her dad what her mom had said. A few days later, the mother told her daughter, "Honey, go tell Daddy that he can type that letter now." The child went into the next room and gave her dad the message. A few moments later, she returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) A Farmer And His Cute Little Filly ,_.-('--. .( '-.'.\'\_, A farmer buys a cute little filly that he / `-.`_;;-./(/=, plans on racing next season, but when gets |.-.-'.' .`.\ her home, his old stallion smells her and { .-.' \\,| wants her and starts kicking up dust. /-'./ '._ <| \) { -./ |\ | The farmer doesn't want {_/ \ | | her knocked up, because .--"""--..,___,.;' |( o/ she won't be able to .' | `"` race, so he calls / / the vet. _.-'| `-._ .' .'/| _ `\ The vet tells / .-'| \ , _.-`'-.__.' | / him to tie a |( / | | / `'------'` \ \/ / bed sheet around \ ) \ / /`._ /`-./ / the filly's rump |.' / )', \._ `\ \___ / to keep the / .'_.; \ \ `) | / /` stallion away. '._;.-,) `\ \/ | .-' / So, that day, the ( ) |_/ |_.' farmer does just that. .-' / jgs \_.' The next day, the farmer goes out to the corral to make sure the vet's solution worked, but the filly's nowhere to be found. The farmer follows her hoof trail to the neighbor's farm and sees the neighbor' kid out by their barn. "Hey boy, did you see a filly run by with a bed sheet tied around her rump?" the farmer asks. The kid replies, "No sir, but one dashed past here early this morning with a handkerchief sticking out of her butt!!" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to sunday-funnies-off@mail-list.com and your | | address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm