_______ _ |__ __| | January 11, 2001 | | | |__ ___ Thursday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | | | F R I D A Y E D I T I O N .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. Did you know that each week more than 50 cartoons or funny pictures are published in The Funny Bone? If you're not receiving Daily Fun and Dirty Fun, then you're missing a lot of the fun! _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Modern Art .------------------....___ ,;;;, / / /'''---/;;;;;;,., jgs \ \__\...---\;;;;;;;" '------------------'''' ```` A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. _____ /| "What on earth," she inquired of the artist .-'@ & #`'-. // standing nearby, "is that?" / % 8 \ // | m () _ | // He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear \ 0 ( '-._/ // lady, is supposed to be a mother and '-.____'. y her child." "Well then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Asking For Directions The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his career when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy directions to the post office. _________ .`. `. After being told the way by the lad, the Reverend / \ .======.\ Graham thanked him, adding: "If you'll come to | | |______|| the Baptist church this evening, you can hear me | | _____ | telling everyone how to get to Heaven. | | / / | | | /____/ | "I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. | _ | | "You don't even know your way to the |/ \|.-"```"-.| post office." `` ||| ||| jgs `"` `"` _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Man Of The Month Dear Sir: We wish to thank you for your letter and Polaroid photo which we recently received. We regret, however, that we will not be able to use your photo as our "Playgirl's Man of the Month". .-=-. /\____) When rated by our AAW (Avaricious American Women) | / . .\ on a scale of 1- 10, your body was rated a minus 2 \( _>| (-2). The panel is comprised of widowed _) __/--""-.__ females ranging in ages from 50-75 .' ,__._ `''''-._ years of age who have been deprived / %% .\ ``''`;--.\ of sexual activity for a minimum / / ' _%- | .' \ of five years. / / \ _\- \ .' _ \ / -;_ \ _\- \_.' /' \ \ .-, To confirm your `--._'-.'. . %/)__.;___.;-.;_--. __.' / below average `. \ \ `"` ````` _._) rating, we submitted jgs )_/ '. _______...-`'----'` your photograph to `"""""` a second panel, the HUHA (Horny Undersexed Housewives of America), whose age range from 25 - 35. However, we could not get them to contain their laughter long enough to rate you. Please be assured, that should the tastes of American women deteriorate so drastically that a body such as yours would be in demand, you will be notified. Meanwhile, please do not call us, we will call you. Sincerely, PLAYGIRL INC. P.S. It pains us to inform you, that had your photo been used, the staple holding our centerfold together would have completely obstructed what you refer to as your "love tool of the 21st Century". _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Three Baseball Fans Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive. ___ .-"`` `'. The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap .' \ over her left breast, the second places his / \ Phillies cap on her right breast and the | _.-"-._ third fan places his Braves cap on her | __..-"` `. pubic area. '---'``-._ / ``--....-'` The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body. He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it. Then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it. However, when he lifted the Braves cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Braves cap once again and stared for a long time. As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him to ask why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia? He replied, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Braves cap." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to sunday-funnies-off@mail-list.com and your | | address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm