_______ _ |__ __| | January 16, 2001 | | | |__ ___ Tuesday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | | | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. Did you know that each week more than 50 cartoons or funny pictures are published in The Funny Bone? If you're not receiving Daily Fun and Dirty Fun, then you're missing a lot of the fun! _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) The Magic Trick _,,,_ _ /////\\ _ |\ | \|\ _ // e e \\ / `|~\|_/|~\|_) _ (" > ") _ \_, |_)|_) \\.=-=.// \/ ) _ |\ / | \|\ \--\\\7///--/ /\/ _ |_)|~\ |~\ /`--`"""`--'\/ / |_)| \ / : \ / |\ |_) During a recent vacation in \ '-.,_ `-' |~\ Las Vegas, a man went to see `-._/__)======_____, a popular magic show. After jgs ((=====)) one especially amazing feat, _ |`"""`| _// a man from the back of the `\,_('> |= | (') theater yelled, "How'd you do \~_) |= | ( '-. that?" -'= `-...-` _/-_(_)o "I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my wife!" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) A Gift For The Wife Trying to make up for bad behavior, a man went to the shopping mall to buy his wife a gift. "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," he says eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size." _.-._ | | | |_ "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her | | | | | hand in his. | | | | | _ | '-._ | "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just \`\`-.'-._; slightly smaller than yours." \ ' | \ .` / "Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl | | inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. |_ | `-./ "Now that you mention it," the man replied, "She also needs a bra and panties." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) The Special Sandals This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring and passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentle- man with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like great desert camels". Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god that he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied, "Just try dem on, Saiheeb." Well, the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years - raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down oOOO() ()OOOo his pants and grabbed a firm hold on the / _) (_ \ Pakistani's thighs. The Pakistani then began | ( ) | screaming, "YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!" \__) (__/ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) The Barber Shop Shave After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small Southern town decided he had enough. He told his wife that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. | / / / / / He put on his hat and coat and went to the \ | / / / / / barber shop, which was owned by the pastor \ _ _ of the town's Baptist Church. The barber's \ \ / \/ \ wife, Grace, was working that day, so she .-\ \o/\o/_ performed the task. ( ( \ '- ,____/ Grace shaved him and sprayed him with | | lilac water, and said, That will be $20." | '--;-' | __/ The man thought the price was a bit high, jgs | / but he paid the bill and went to work. / `--.`\ The next morning the man looked in the <__ '-'. mirror, and his face was as smooth as it `"""""``` had been when he left the barber shop the day before. Not bad, he thought. At least I don't need to get a shave every day. The next morning, the man's face was still smooth. Two weeks later, the man was still unable to find any trace of whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he returned to the barber shop. "I thought $20 was high for a shave", he told the barber's wife, "but you must have done a great job. It's been two weeks and my whiskers still haven't started growing back." The expression on her face didn't even change, expecting his comment. She responded, "You were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to sunday-funnies-off@mail-list.com and your | | address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm