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                       |__   __| |                    January 23, 2001
                          | |  | |__   ___                     Tuesday
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    | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
    |  ,__)                             __/ |                         
    |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
    | |         
    | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
    |   |      
    |   |                  M I D W E E K    E D I T I O N 
  .'     \      
 (    ,   )    You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies.
  '--' '-'     A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated 
               jokes.  Sometimes a bit risque but always funny.
 Did you know that each week more than 50 cartoons or funny pictures
 are published in The Funny Bone?  If you're not receiving Daily Fun
 and Dirty Fun, then you're missing a lot of the fun!
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                          Rules For Writers

              ________________________________.--------.
        _.--'\\                          \ \ (__________`;.__
       <)    ||                          | |              |__)
   jgs  `'--.//__________________________/_/_____________.'

   1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
   2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
   3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
   4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
   5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
   6. Be more or less specific.
   7. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are
     (usually) unnecessary.
   8. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
   9. No sentence fragments.
  10. Don't use no double negatives.
  11. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out or
     mispeld something.
  12. Eschew obfuscation. 
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                  Bumper Stickers For Homemakers


  -A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And
   This Kitchen Is Delirious
                                             ________  .====
  -No Husband Has Ever Been Shot            [________>< :===
   While Doing The Dishes                              '====
                                             ________ ___,,,,,,,
  -A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out       [________>__________\
   The Trash And Gives The Impression
   He Just Cleaned The Whole House           ________   .==.
                                       jgs  [________>c((_  )
  -If we are what we eat, then                          '=='
   I'm easy, fast, and cheap.

       _.:::::._       -A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
     .:::'_|_':::.
    /::' --|-- '::\    -Thou shalt not weigh more than thy 
   |:" .---"---. ':|    refrigerator.
   |: ( O R E O ) :|
   |:: `-------' ::|   -Blessed are they who can laugh at them-
    \:::.......:::/     selves for they shall never cease to be
  jgs':::::::::::'      amused.
        `'"""'`  
                      -A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life

  -Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out

  -Housework Done Properly Can Kill You

  -Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and
   Gone On To Lead Normal Lives

  -My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
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                           The First Date


  It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date.  He's
  a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door,
  the girl's father answers and invites him in.

  "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he asks.

  "That's cool" says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're
  planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably
  just go to the soda shop or a movie.

       .-""".          Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two
      /  .--.)         go out and screw?  I hear all the kids are
      | (  ^>^         doing it."
      \__, _(
       _ ) ( _         Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise
     /` `\__/ \  ,|/_  to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat
    /`\ .__ _/`\//``   it. "Yeah," says Carries father, "Carrie
   / / \    / \_/      really likes to screw; she'll screw all
   `\\  )==(           night if we let her."
    /|)`    `\
     /\_   _, \        Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up,
    /   '-< )_,\       and immediately revised his plans for the
   /       //=\\\      evening. A few minutes later, Carrie comes
   '._        _.'      downstairs in her little poodle skirt and
      `";";;"`         announces that she's ready to go.
        |_||
   jgs  )_||__         Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby
        L  \--'        escorts his date out the front door.
         `'-'     
  About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly dishevelled Carrie rushes
  back into the house, slams the door behind her, screams at her
  father, and says...

  "DAMMIT, DADDY! THE TWIST!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!"
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