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                        |__   __| |                      March 29, 2001
                           | |  | |__   ___                    Thursday
                           | |  | '_ \ / _ \
   .-.     _     ______    | |  | | | |  __/    ____
  (   `. .' )   |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
   `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___
     |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
     |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
     | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
     |  ,__)                             __/ |
     |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
     | |
     | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
     |   |
     |   |                    F R I D A Y    E D I T I O N
   .'     \
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          _                                                 _
         (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
         (_.===============================================._)

   Fresh Air Does It!
            ,,,,,
           _|||||_       Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday
          {~*~*~*~}      and everybody complimented him on how
        __{*~*~*~*}__    athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
   jgs `-------------`                                 _
   "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of         _/_\_
   my success," he cackled.  "I have been in the      \_/
   open air day after day for some 75 years now."    /\Y/\
                                                    || : ||
   The celebrants were impressed and asked how      || : ||
   he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness       (|---|)
   regime.                                           | | |#
                                                jgs  | | |#
   "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75      |_|_|#
   years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn (/ \)#
   pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was
   proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
          _                                                 _
         (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
         (_.===============================================._)

   $40 For A Donation

   A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer.
   The bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked "What's the problem,
   pal?"

   "My brother just told me that there's a sperm bank in his neighbor-
   hood that pays $40 for a donation."
                                         .-"```"-.          .--.
   "Yeah, so?"                          /         '._____.-'    '.__,
                                        \         .'""""`
   "Don't you realize?" the man cried.   '-.....-'
   "I've let a fortune slip through my fingers!"

          _                                                 _
         (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
         (_.===============================================._)

   The Speech Therapist

   Three Irishmen are being treated by a speech therapist for stutter-
   ing. The therapist is a real looker and very curvy. She is finding
   it very difficult to make any progress with the three men and so she
   decides to try a reward system. She tells the three that she will
   have sex with anyone of them who can tell her where they were born
   without stuttering.
               __
             ,%%%%         The first Irishman stands up, says,
            .%%%_/  ,_     "B-B-B-B-Belf-f-f-f-ast" and sits
            %%/(___//      down in disappointment.
            %%||))-'
          ,%%%)\(          The second Irishman says "D-D-D-Dublin"
          %%%/ \\          and also sits down with a sad face.
          ,%%\  ;
            % | |          The third Irishman says "London".
              | |
             /  |          In amazement the therapist immediately
       jgs  /___|          grabs him and takes into the next room,

   from where there are sounds of frantic lovemaking.  After half
   an hour they return and the Irishman has a stupid, satisfied grin
   on his face. Before restarting the session the therapist asks if
   there's is anything that any of the men would like to say.

   The third Irishman raises his hands and continues "D-d-d-d-erry"
          _                                                 _
         (_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
         (_.===============================================._)

   Man Gets 10 Months for Mooning Judge

            ,#####,         RUSSELLVILLE, Ark. (AP)
           #########        - A man who gave graphic expression to his
           #########        contempt of court got 10 months in jail
           #########        for mooning a judge.
           '#######'
          .--'   '--.       Robert White, 50, who is unemployed, was
        /`           `\     representing himself on a disorderly
       /  '-.  :  .-'  \    conduct charge Wednesday for allegedly
      /  |     :     |  \   causing a disturbance at a hospital.
     /  /|.--     --.|\  \
     \ ( /     .     \ ) /  White objected that he was being tried
      \ \|     |     |/ /   in a "kangaroo court" and began using
       \ \_____|_____/ /    foul language, witnesses said.  Then
       (_[I===I===I==]_)    he dropped his pants, bent over and
         |-|~~|:|~~|-|      gave Munical Judge Dennis Sutterfield
         | \__/:\__/ |      a view of his rear end.
         {-_  -:  _= }
    jgs  {_   /^\_ - }      Sutterfield cited White for contempt.
         { -_ } { - _}      The judge said it was the first time
         {_   } {_ - }      in his 14 years on the bench that he
         {____} {____}      had been mooned.
          (___) (___)       Source: Associated Press

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         (_.===============================================._)

                                                             _     .-.
        John Nunley  -  jokemaster@funnybone.com            ( `. .'   )
                                                             `. `   /'
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