_______ _ |__ __| | April 10, 2001 | | | |__ ___ Tuesday | | | '_ \ / _ \ .-. _ ______ | | | | | | __/ ____ ( `. .' ) | ____| |_| |_| |_|\___| | _ \ `\ ` .' | |__ _ _ _ __ _ __ _ _ | |_) | ___ _ __ ___ | | | __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | | _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \ | | | | | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | | __/ | 66|_ |_| \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___| | ,__) __/ | |(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163 | | | \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S | | | | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N .' \ ( , ) You're subscribed to The Funny Bone's Sunday Funnies. '--' '-' A once or twice a week mailing of ASCII art illustrated jokes. Sometimes a bit risque but always funny. Did you know that each week more than 50 cartoons or funny pictures are published in The Funny Bone? If you're not receiving Daily Fun and Dirty Fun, then you're missing a lot of the fun! _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Lookin' For Love In All The Wrong Places .-. .-. .-.| .-./ | A friend of mine is a nurse and reported yesterday | \/ | / that she was taking care of a 92-year-old gentleman \ / /` in the hospital: "Gee, Mr. Benwaw, you don't LOOK `\ /`/` 92 years old!" jgs `\/` "Honey," he said, "you ain't looking in the right place!" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) ( Hunting Grouse .===. /-=(o=`. For centuries, the English have | ,__.-"`` had a love affair with all _/ : | types of hunting. Early one _..--""` : | morning, a fellow was blasting .-" : ' : | away at a clump of brush on ." : : ; a grouse hunt. ." : : / _,.-" : . : / Suddenly an outraged gentleman `---'=-.,_;` ' ,=' appeared and said "See here old `:=-=.=-=' man, you almost shot my wife jgs | /`| /` with that volley." |(__|(__ `^```^``` The hunter, properly shamed replied, "So sorry old chap. Here, have a go at mine, over there." _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Praise The Lord! .-"""-. An elderly lady was (_ _ \ well known for her ____ _ )= `) ) ,"";, faith and for her ()___>===(()====( ( (//``;\\ boldness in talking ||~\__ `) ( ) ;|| about it. She would || `==\--`.-; ;|| stand on her front porch and \\ / |`-._, ;\\ shout "PRAISE THE LORD!" , `---;` / `._`\\ ,/| >~~~~`._ `"` Next door to her lived |(| / ' `""---.....___ an atheist who would (| | '. ' _ . ``\ get so angry at her \ '-. '- . _ / proclamations that he would shout, \ '. - ._`\ "There ain't no Lord!" '. '. '-.. _/ jgs '._ - ._ _/ Hard times set in on the elderly lady `-..__ .-'` and she prayed for God to send her some `"'""` assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD! God I need food. I am having a hard time. Please, Lord, send me some groceries." The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!" The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "HA...HA. I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries. God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and saying, "PRAISE THE LORD!, He not only sent me groceries but HE made the Devil pay for them." PRAISE THE LORD! _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) An Everyday Survival Kit: -Toothpick -Pencil -Mint -Rubber band -Eraser -Candy Kiss -Band-aid -Chewing Gum -Tea Bag Here's why: Toothpick - to remind you to pick out the good qualities in others... Rubber band - to remind you to be flexible, .--. things might not always go the way /,:'/ you want, but it will work out... /.:'/ /---/ Band Aid - to remind you to heal hurt / / feelings, yours or someone else's... /---/ /.:'/ Pencil - to remind you to list your /.:'/ blessings everyday... '--' /\ Eraser - to remind you that everyone makes \/\ mistakes and it's okay... \/\ \\\ Chewing gum - to remind you to stick with it \\\ and you can accomplish anything... \\\ \\\ Mint - to remind you that you are worth a mint \\\ to your heavenly father... \/\ '.D Candy Kiss - to remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug everyday... Tea Bag - to remind you to relax daily and go over that list of God's blessings... _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) _ .-. John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' ) `. ` /' To unsubscribe from this mailing list send an e-mail | | message to sunday-funnies-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com | | and your address will automatically be removed. _|66 | (__, | For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)| http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/ | | ,_/ | ASCII Art by Joan Stark | | http://www.ascii-art.com/ | | / '. Copyright (c) 2000 The Funny Bone - All Rights Reserved. ( , ) '-' '--' ASCII Art Copyright (c) 1996-00 - Joan G. Stark please read guidelines for redistribution of ASCII art http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/please.htm