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                        |__   __| |                        May 22, 2001
                           | |  | |__   ___                     Tuesday
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  (   `. .' )   |  ____|   |_|  |_| |_|\___|   |  _ \
   `\   ` .'    | |__ _   _ _ __  _ __  _   _  | |_) | ___  _ __   ___
     |   |      |  __| | | | '_ \| '_ \| | | | |  _ < / _ \| '_ \ / _ \
     |   |      | |  | |_| | | | | | | | |_| | | |_) | (_) | | | |  __/
     | 66|_     |_|   \__,_|_| |_|_| |_|\__, | |____/ \___/|_| |_|\___|
     |  ,__)                             __/ |
     |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-6163
     | |
     | \_,               T H E    S U N D A Y    F U N N I E S
     |   |
     |   |                  M I D W E E K    E D I T I O N
   .'     \
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         (_.===============================================._)

   The Building Contractor

   A building contractor was being paid                 .---.
   by the week for a job that was likely to             |#__|
   stretch over several months. He approached the      =;===;=
   owner of the property and held up the check         / - - \
   he'd been given.                                   ( _'.'_ )
                                                     .-`-'^'-`-.
   "This is two hundred dollars less than           |   `>o<'   |
   what we agreed on," he said.                     /     :     \
                                                   /  /\  :  /\  \
   "I know," the owner said. "Last week          .-'-/ / .-. \ \-'-.
   I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and        |_/ /-'   '-\ \_|
   you never complained."                            /|   |   |\
                                                    (_|  /^\  |_)
   The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind           |  | |  |
   an occasional mistake, but when it gets        jgs |  | |  |
   to be a habit, I feel I have to call it          '==='= ='==='
   to your attention."
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   How Do They Make Rubber Gloves?

   A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth.  He
   noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a
   story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

   "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

   She said, "No."
             _
         _  / |        "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have
        / \ | | /\     this big building set up with a large tank of
         \ \| |/ /     latex, and the workers are all picked
          \ Y | /___   according to hand size.  Each individual walks
        .-.) '. `__/   around for a bit while the latex sets up and
       (.-.   / /      dries right onto their hands!  Then they peel
           | ' |       off the gloves and throw them into the big
           |___|       "Finished Good Crate" and start the process
          [_____]      all over again."
   jgs    |     |

   His patient didn't laugh a bit.

   Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning
   her teeth because she burst out laughing.  The old woman blushed
   and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must
   make condoms!"
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   Ten Reasons Why Men Are So Lovable
    (otherwise titled Why Men are (somewhat) Better Than Toddlers)

            \\/////
            |6   6|      You almost never have to spoonfeed them
           (   _\ |         mushy cereal.
            |  =  |
            |\___/       When they fall down, they can usually get
        ___/|   |__         up on their own.
      /` | '----' |`\
     /   |        |  \   They CAN be left alone...but only for short
    /~%  |        ;   \     periods of time.
   /   /\/        |`\  \
   \  \ |         | /  / It actually is FUN when they get messy.....
    `\ \|         |/ /`     with your help...
      `\;         |/`
       (|         |)     They CAN dress themselves, you just don't
        |_________|         want to take them out that way...
         |    |  |
         |    |  |       They don't whine and whine about having
         |____|__|          to go someplace they don't want to
         \    |  |          - oh wait a second  ...nevermind.
          |   )  )
          /   |  |       They are EASY to put to bed.
          |___|__|
          \===|==|       Their shoe size doesn't change every
          /   `-.`-.        two months.
     jgs  \______)__)

   They almost never wake-up when you make a little noise near
   them (in fact, you can clang cymbals, ring phones, set off
   alarms and maybe even drop bombs)

   Two words - TRASH DAY
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                                                             _     .-.
        John Nunley  -  jokemaster@funnybone.com            ( `. .'   )
                                                             `. `   /'
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                 ASCII Art by Joan Stark                       |   |
                http://www.ascii-art.com/                      |   |
                                                              /     '.
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