from KeelyNet 04/02/93
       courtesy of David Grant


         TOP TEN THINGS THAT WILL GET YOU THROWN OUT OF A RETIREMENT HOME

       10. Using the fire extinguisher to give your wheelchair a jet
           assist.

        9. Laughing hysterically when "O 69" comes up in Bingo.

        8. Vicious body checks during hall hockey games.

        7. Growing dope in the window box.

        6. "Lusty Grandma" T-shirt.

        5. Gag chattering teeth in your neighbor's glass of Efferdent.

        4. Midnight beer runs to the Pic-N-Tote.

        3. Calling  Medic-Alert,  yelling,  "It's fallen and I can't get it
           up!"

        2. Hogging the remote control- switching to MTV during commercials.

        1. Panty raids.