Always the end
--------------

I woke up suicidal this morning. Don't be
alarmed. It's the kind of chronic suicidality
that I often have, the kind that is more
disturbing than dangerous. A chronic nuisance in
my ability to function in the world.

I don't know why I woke up wishing I was dead. I
just did. All I can do in times like this is
push through. I trudge, I march, I refuse to
stop moving.

Everything in me screams that my entire life is
so empty and pointless it would be better to
just be gone.

But that will eventually fade. And when it does
I won't have stood still. I'll have kept moving.