Emotions are difficult
8/18/2023
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Part of the thing I've been having to learn how to
do the past few months as my partner Tor has been
so sick is actually, y'know, experience and show
emotion.

I'm normally the kind of person who stuffs
everything down and quietly crashes into a wreck
when everything is over, never particularly
talking to anyone about it because I don't Want To
Be a Burden.

But this has been such a long period of crisis and
I've been so stressed and pushed to my limit
trying to be there for them through everything, go
to every medical appointment, get their meds, keep
them company through nights of pain that were
literally driving them insane and delusional,
trying to still hold down my full time job.

This has meant that I've actually been too spent
for too long to keep stuffing everything down. I
tried. I fucking tried, okay?

So now I've had to actually do things like take
care of myself, cry in front of other people, show
fear, not always be the upbeat "everything is
going to be okay" person.

It's a weird experience.