The term is almost here
9/15/2023
=======================

Ten days till my first full-time faculty term
starts.

I'm not going to lie I'm scared shitless that I'm
going to fuck all of this up.

I mean that's a normal feeling, right, when you've
got a new job that's potentially a Big Career,
right?

Like I can get tenure in just a couple of years if
I'm not terribly bad at my job, at which point I'm
going to have stability for the first time, well,
ever.

So it's a lot of pressure to not fuck it all up,
but unfortunately there's no obvious way to take
all that pressure and turn it into raw
productivity. Instead it just kind of makes you
more likely to have moments of paralysis and a bad
case of the oh-dear-gods.

But, on the other hand, like I've been teaching
college classes on and off for literally my entire
adult life.

Maybe it'll all be okay?

I had some moments of peace yesterday because I
sat in a grove of sequoias because I couldn't
concentrate at all after a few too many work till
22:00 panic days.

I wish I could just live among trees all the time.