Happy Christmas Steve
---------------------

To explain I'm making a very dumb joke based
on the old "it's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve"
line that I grew up hearing about gay rights, 
further riffing on the way that people have
been joking about Christmas Adam being the
day before Christmas Eve.

Was this joke worth explaining? Probably not but
I felt like it anyway.

I'm in a strange mood today. I'm probably going
to actually take today off from all work and
we'll play FF9 together since we're almost done
with it. [We're so close to the Not Alone sequence]

I'm just grumpy and sad still, though. Yesterday was
hard. If you read my musings about success and 
metrics you gathered that I'm already in a 
depressive/reflective mood but then I found out
the camp I put together for this week was a total
shitshow. Literally every detail I was told about
it was wrong. The times were wrong. The ages of
the kids in the camp were wrong. The number and
nature of the computers on-site were wrong. Just
literally everything we prepared for was
completely, absolutely wrong. 

Now you might be thinking "well that's not your
fault, right?" but the problem is that I know
I *know* how my boss would react to all of this.
He treats everything as my fault even though he
was sitting there on the calls as I was told all
this wrong information. He'd tell me I should have
known to physically go on-site and double check
everything and not trust our partners to tell us
accurate things. Now, he wasn't going to do
this himself of course. At this point I'm not
sure what he does other than tell me I'm a fuck
up when things go wrong and be quiet for weeks
or months at a time when things are going smoothly.

At this point I write the curriculum and materials,
I handle payroll, I schedule and staff events, and
I meet with potential partners. 

He, uhh, berates me on monthly phone calls and gets
paranoid if he's not allowed to sit sullenly on
every meeting I have.

That's what he does. 

One of the points of contention lately is that I
still won't use the email address that 
a) doesn't have my name on it
b) he has access to
c) I know he will access if he thinks he needs to
d) belonged to someone else so the inbox is full
   of someone else's communications

He talks to me like I'm his property a lot of the
time. Until recently I was only paid around $800
a month for this job and I subsidized that with
a lot of other work. Lately he's been trying to
claim all that other work as his too and pushing
me to put it in the google drive he has. 

Now you might be wondering why I haven't quit.

I don't know. I don't really think I deserve
better, to be honest with you.