The day after Christmas
-------------------------

I haven't slept more than a couple hours at a time
in a couple of days. I'm tired and worn down but
things are fine.

I'm just still feeling very pessimistic about my
jobs, about myself, about so many things.

I'm not trying to whinge, though, so let's talk
about the good, let's talk about the things I'm
doing to make my life better.

I've been trying to get better about asking for the
space I need to do things, about scheduling out my
time so I don't lose as much.

Sometimes I feel stupid that all these little
things are still so hard for me but I'm a person
who needs routine, who needs schedules, who needs
rules in order to not just spin in executive
dysfunction staring off into space thinking
"there's something I need to be doing there's
something I need to be doing there's something..."

But I have so many responsibilities now that I need
to do everything I can to keep on top of it all and
I am, y'know?

I just bought a big whiteboard calendar so the
three of us can write down the stuff we need to do
every day and what our schedules look like, to make
time feel more real and solid.

I'm getting back to proper bullet journaling. I've
even set up a wiki here at home we can use to start
documenting for of the things we're working on and
needing to do and remember.

I talk sometimes about how I use the service
Beeminder to try and keep myself on top of things
but it only works if you have the proper foundation
to keep track of things otherwise you just find
yourself scrambling to half-ass all your goals
which ends up being far more demoralizing in the
first place.

Every year I manage to do better than the year
before but this coming year I need to be 10x better
than I ever have before.