!Offline loves and fears
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rawtext.club:70/~xiu
2023-02-19
Eora/Sydney, New South Wales
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Today we went for an almost three-hour hike on elevated
country. I've not had an easy way to charge my fruitwatch
while on this trip, and have been quite happy to leave
home without it even though it means not having hike
stats afterwards. It wasn't my Siri piping up every now
and then with unsolicited "split pace" reports, which I
felt a bit smug about -- promise I'm not judging
anyone here; I just feel a little accomplished about
having overcome a habit.

I realised when we got home that my phone had gotten
stuck in Panorama camera mode while in the backpack. It
was hot to touch and the battery was nearly flat, so I
left our Airbnb without it. It's concerning how weird it
feels to go out without a phone. We just went for dinner
and a movie, but over the course of the evening, these
were the feelings I registered:

 * The urge to pick up my device and text my mum.

 * Guilt at not responding to new texts in group chat.

 * An overall fear that people are generally mad at me
   for not replying to texts more quickly.

 * Relief at the futility of this guilt/fear because it's
   not like I could do anything about it in the moment
   anyway.

 * Frustration at being trapped in a culture that sees us
   so tied to our devices and being 'always on'.

 * Paranoia that without this culture, I would lose
   connection to my loved ones.

Complicated, no?

Being offline-first while on this trip has been lovely. I
don't feel overwhelmed by the amount of things to check
and read, even though I have a full-to-bursting inbox,
loads of articles in my feed reader, and oodles of
noodles in offpunk[1]. Something has taken the edge off
the old sense of urgency, at least for the time being.

At the same time, I realise it's a bit of a cheat to call
this being "offline-first" because my travel companions
are all very online and I can just turn around and ask
them stuff. Perhaps it's more correct to say
"offlineish".

Speaking of which, it's time to wind down before bed.
Good night, smolweb.

[1] gemini://rawtext.club/~ploum/2022-11-15-offpunk17-sourcehut.gmi