Dilip 12 Dec 2020 ======================================================================== My life in 2020 and the next 5 years. Every year for the past four years, I've developed a habit of reviewing my life and where I'm going. I've found that the act of writing down the details of my life has been beneficial. This year has wrecked all plans and has been very unusual - it's still worth going through all the plans I had for this year and to review how I did on each of these. My 2020 goals set in 2019. ========================== I'm looking at my journal for the goals I had set in 2019. I wrote I have too many goals - I must prioritize. After a quick glance at what I just wrote, my top priorities are 1. Lose weight. 2. Start working on a career change. 3. Cut spending. 4. Start dating and socializing. - I've had poor to mediocre success in progressing towards my goals. I managed to lose 10lbs by August, but I couldn't keep up the discipline to cook healthy food and to manage my calorie intake. I gained most of the weight I had lost, now I am only 3lbs lighter than when I started. I spent a lot of time thinking about changing my career. I decided that the best thing to do is to prepare for a GMAT exam and to write the test in 2021. I signed up for GMAT lessons, did my homework and completed the course. I did poorly in the practice exams during the course - I lost all motivation to progress. I know I must find some grit and grind through the GMAT preparation. This year has been expensive. I have been stuck at home, and I've had little motivation to cook food for myself every single day. My largest expense has been food, and I have spent a ridiculous amount on food. I have managed to avoid impulse purchases for most of this year. I didn't buy anything I didn't really need. LOL at trying to date when California has shut itself down in the middle of a pandemic. I have managed to develop new friends and managed to retain what little social contacts I have locally. But generally, I have completely failed at making any progress towards these goals. 2021 goals. =========== The most important goal for 2021 is to make sure I heal from whatever mental health issues I've developed over this year. Right now, I feel fine. I suspect that as the world returns to normal, I will discover that I have not actually been ok, that I've performed mental gymnastics to deceive myself to survive this year. This might not have happened, but I should not expect that I will return to a post-pandemic world easily. The second most important goal for 2021 is to fall back into healthy habits. Exercise regularly, eat healthy, lose weight, drink water and sleep well. The simple stuff. I want to go back to the basics in 2021 and spend the year getting good at the basics by consciously practicing good habits over and over till I develop muscle-memories. The third goal I set for myself is to go out and socialize when the world returns to normal. I can't handle loneliness for much longer. I should try and spend more time working towards more rewarding relationships. Finally, I want to follow through and write the GMAT in 2021. There's a lot of thinking to be done about actually pursing a career change, but that can happen later. I've invested a lot in preparing for the GMAT, I should follow through and write the exam. Beyond 2021. ============ I've discovered that I spend a lot of time dreaming about situations where I am acknowledged by people around me. Writing a novel so that I can be famous, or building a nice big house so that I can invite people over. I know that I am an ambitious person, and having big dreams is what makes ambitious people ambitious. However, I should really think hard about a simple life. Family, friends, community. If I have these and I enjoy it, will I really want to live a big life? I probably will, but for the sake of my future self, I should think really hard about steering my life towards the simple goals first. The big dreams will always still be there. The Cat Stevens song is playing in my head right now: Father and Son. It's not time to make a change Just relax, take it easy You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to know Find a girl, settle down If you want you can marry Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy. I was once like you are now An I know that it's not easy To be calm when you've found Something's going on But take your time, think a lot Think of everything you've got For you will still be here tomorrow But your dreams may not - Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam What I have discovered is that an important signal that I'll have something in life is that I would have wanted it at some earlier time. There have been many gifts in life that I didn't know I wanted till I had it, but those surprises will always be there. It is important for me to acknowledge that dreams and goals are important to how I function as an adult. I don't think I should set aside my dreams to settle down. I'll feel sad if I did that. Instead, I should add dreams of settling down to my other dreams, let these dreams merge and mingle and consolidate into a meaningful path forward. That should be my the way I grow in 2021.