Jingle All The Way 2! by: -RoG- What in deh!? I have an ideah! It came to me in deh dreahm... God: "Arnold. You are not living your life the way I intended. You must bring joy to the fans of your movies once again! Forget about governing California... I'm going to sink that state with a big earthquake in a few years anyway! You must make a new movie! You must make... JINGLE ALL THE WAY PART 2!" Oh tank joo foah deh weezdom, Gahd! I will go make deh greatestest moovie of all deh times! JINGAL ALL DEH VAY PART 2! Hello mistuh Hollywood prodoosuh! Ahnold hieah! I want too make deh Jingal All Deh Vay seequal! Waht do joo mean it's stupid ideah? Gahd told me to do it in a dreahm! Do joo think Gahd is stupid too? WELL DO JOO??? Joo know waht? I don't need youah moneys! I have more of deh moneys than alls deh Hollywood prodoosuhs! I weel make deh moovie myself and den laugh as it runs ovah all deh otha moovies like my Hummah could run ovah youah stupid little howse! *click* Hello Liz! Liz honey! It's yoah Ahnuld! Rita Wilson: "Arnold? Arnold, for the 500th time, my name is Rita... Rita Wilson. Liz was just the name of my character in that 'Jingle All The Way' movie, ok? And stop calling me honey! How many times do I have to tell you we're not really married? It was just a movie!" So what's foah dinnah, honey? Rita Wilson: "What!?" Nevahmind all of dat and all of dees tings. Liz honey! I have some great nooz foah joo! I am goeeng to make deh new moovie! Jingal All Dee Vay part 2! Rita Wilson: "You've gotta be kidding me." Yeah! I am goeeng to be deh Hollywood prodoosuh! So will joo be in deh moovie with me? Eaaugaeagheagh! Rita Wilson: "NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!" How abouts I give joo lots of deh moneys! I will give joo deh hundrad meelion dollars! Rita Wilson: "A...hundred...million...dollars?" YES!!! Rita Wilson: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." So joo are in, yes? Rita Wilson: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." ... *click* I loves my wifes! But waht about my son? I need him in deh new moovies too! Last time I saved him as deh Teeurbo Man! Who knows waht I save him as dis times? I must go see him now in his bed! No sleepy times! Why did dat man and dat woman try to stop me from coming in to see my son? Who weure dey? I bet dey wanted to keel him! Look at him, so innocent and sound asleep in his littul bed. I love my son! I bet he will be so happy to see me agains! My son! I come to joo with a mission! A mission to save dee whole wide woehld from bad moovies! Jake Lloyd: "What are you doing in my room? Why are you here? Where are my mom and dad?" Dose weure not yoah parents, Jamie! Dey weure impostahs! Don't joo worry Jamie, I keeled dose impostahs! Jake Lloyd: "My name is Jake! And those were my real parents! Why did you kill them!? They were good people!" Do good people make joo go to bed dis early? No son of mine goes to deh bed befoah meednite! WHAT WILL ARNOLD DO TO MAKE HIS MOVIE HAPPEN? CONTINUE TO PAGE 2 TO SEE! CLICK HERE! ...CONTINUED Now we can seet heah all deh nite and talks about who is and isn't youah parents, or we can talk about all of deh moneys I am goeeng to give joo foah making deh moovie with me! Jake Lloyd: "Listen crazy man, I was in Star Wars. I have more money than I know what to do with!" Ahhh, but weure joo in deh other Stah Wars seequals? No! Because dey tink joo are not da good actor! But I believe in joo! I believe in joo, Jamie! Jake Lloyd: "Stop it! My name is Jake, ok? J-A-K-E. Not Jamie. JAKE! Understand?" SEEEEEEEEEQUALS! Listen to me Jamie! I am giving joo a chance at deh redemption! Joo can finally be in a seequal! Jake Lloyd: "Well technically the Star Wars film I appeared in was a prequel. But you're right, it would be nice to have a sequel in my film credits so I'll take you up on the offer. Can I look at the script though? Funny joo should bring dat up! We are goeeng to write deh script here and now! Do joo take good dictation? Jake Lloyd: "Does a bat shit upside-down?" Ahahahah! Eaaugeaeagheagh! and so Teeurbo Man saved deh... *** 30 minutes later *** day. We did it Jamie! We wrote deh greatest moovies! Eaaugeaeagheagh! I am goeeng to hire more actors foah deh moovie! Joo stay heeah and reheurse yoah lines! Ted! Joooooo sonofabitch! Phil Hartman: "No, this is Phil Hartman. Still suffering from movie delusions are we Mr. Schwarzenegger?" Ted! I am making Jingal All Deh Vay part two! Joo have to come be in my moovie! Phil Hartman: "I'd love to buddy, but you see... I'm dead. Yeah, it's kind of hard to be in movies when you're not alive anymore. Tends to put a kink in the works..." Joooooo sonofabitch! Name yoah price! Phil Hartman: "You just don't get it, do you? I'm a figment of your imagination, Arnold. This isn't real. You're just remembering a scene from the original Jingle All The Way movie where I spoke with you on the phone. But none of this matters since you never listen to logic and reason." Be in my moovie Ted! Phil Hartman: "Heh, sure thing Arnold. Sure thing..." Everyting is weurking out! I am goeeng to make my moovie! Sinbad: "Hey man! What about me!? I was one of the best things about the original Jingle All The Way movie! How come you haven't called me yet! I had to find out from that Jake Lloyd kid! That's cold man, real cold!" Oh... yeah... Alfonso, right? ... Sinbad: "It's Sinbad damnit! I wanna be in the movie!" Prove it. ... Sinbad: "I'll choke this bitch to death if you don't let me be in the movie! That enough proof for ya? Huh? HUH!?!?" Sinbad: "Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!" Okay, okay! SHADDAP! Joo can be in deh moovie! Sinbad: "Hey man, you know I was just kiddin' back there right? I wasn't gonna strangle her, I just really need the work. All I have right now is the warmth of my booze." Well den, why don't joo spread deh holiday warmth! Sinbad: "Now you're talkin' my man! Drink up! So what's my role in this new movie gonna be anyway?" Well, in deh script I had deh mailman and my son switch places! So joo would be my son and deh kid would be deh mailman! Everybody in deh woeld will love it! Sinbad: "Haha! Whatever you say man, just keep on drinkin' so we can negotiate my salary in a little while!" Jake Lloyd: "I'll drink to that!" Eaaugeaeagheagh! Don't joo look at me like dat! He vas an impostah! I had to do eet! JINGAL ALL DEH VAY! Sinbad: "Hey man, whatever... just as long as I still get a paycheck 'n all. But DAMN! You really choked the life outta that kid! I never seen nobody's eyes pop out like that! And nobody even cared! Did you hear those people in the coffee shop chanting your name while you choked him? I swear to god man, you can do no wrong!" Yeah... I need to go promote my moovie now. Without joo. ... Okay everybody, leestan up! I am making a new moovie! I am doing deh seequal to Jingal All Deh Vay! Joo all need to go see dis moovie foah deh good times, okay? Clerk: "Waaahhh! We didn't even like the first one!" How can dis be? Clerk: "It wasn't entertaining!" ... *gulp* Now leestan up! I'll make joo both eat dose weurds, but I hope joo leave enough room foah my fist because I'm goeeng to ram it into yoah stomachs and break yoah goddamned spines! ... Clerk: "Ohhhhh! Wait! Did you say Jingle All The Way? We thought you said the Star Wars Holiday Special! No, Jingle All The Way is one of our all-time favorite movies! We can't wait!" Jingal All Deh Vay 2 is goeeng to break all deh records! Wait! Come back lady! I need to tell joo all about Jingal All Deh Vay part 2! Sinbad: "Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!" Yoah not fahnny. ... Oh my Gahd! I forgot about deh reindeeah! How can I make deh moovie without deh funny reindeeah!? Reindeeah! Be in my moovie or I will hit joo again! Reindeer: "Eeeeeuuuuuuuuuu!" Okay, dats it! See you at deh party, reindeeah! *thwap!* ... Aww, did I kill joo? Yoah a choir boy compared to me! My moovie will still be deh greatest one of all deh days! I deseurve a drink! JINGAL ALL DEH VAY! Hey honey! Deh big moovie premeeuh is tonite! Rita Wilson: "What!? That's impossible! Are you insane? We haven't even started filming it yet!" Oh yeah... I decided not to film anyting new foah deh moovie, but instead just show deh original moovie and put a big numbah two on deh title! People will love it! Rita Wilson: "You can't do that! That's not a sequel!" Sinbad: "Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!" SHADDAP! SHADDAP! SHADDAP! It's my moovie and I will do what I want wit it! Jingal All Deh Vay 2 will be a hit! Here's to me and Jingal All Deh Vay 2! *a few hours later* Stupid traffic! I am trying to drive my Hummah to my moovie premieah at deh drive-in theatah! Get out of deh vay stupids! Haha! I drived deh Hummah right through all dose tiny cahs! Dey can't compare to deh Hummah powah! A cop? Joooooo sonofabitch! Cop: "Alright son, just walk in a straight line while touching your finger to your nose." I'm a cop joo idiot! Cop: "You are?" I'm detective John Kimble! Cop: "Oh my bad! Carry on, detective!" OFF I GO TO SEE JINGAL ALL DEH VAY 2! *the next day* EVERYBODY LOVES JINGAL ALL DEH VAY 2! Sinbad: "Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!" the end.