01.08.28

And we're back!

It seems  like an infinitely long  time since I've updated  this, but at
the same time  it feels like it's  just been the same day  over and over
since then. There have been ups and downs, vaccines found, the election,
a birthday, the  new year, the coup attempt yesterday,  two deaths in my
life in  a short  period, but  still broadly  characterized by  the same
tedium, the same  pitfalls I always find myself in.  I've tried to throw
myself  into my  studies with  some success.  I've learned  a lot  about
networking, *nix systems and scripting since I posted here last, but the
motivation  to work  is fleeting.  Diet, a  regular schedule,  exercise,
these all help but there's no magic bullet for "I'm not as productive as
I feel like I could be," especially when the fruits of your study are so
intangible, or in the case  of studying for certifications, unfinishable
until testing centers start to open up  again here-- I know that I could
take these exams online, but  that would require installing Windows, and
I have heard many horror stories of the poor quality of online exams, so
I'd prefer to play it safe and wait. I've focused heavily on CCNA in the
hopes of  finding a networking  job, maybe  even in a  datacenter, which
would be ideal for me.

One thing that  has gotten my attention is a  podcast I've found, called
"Something Was Wrong". I listen to a lot of podcasts, but this is not my
usual taste. It's a nonfiction show  that is (so far, I've just finished
the first season) about a woman who found herself in a relationship with
a very abusive and manipulative man, and how she got out of it. It isn't
some wild,  true crime-style  show where  it turns out  the man  she was
seeing  was a  serial  killer or  some infamous  rapist,  but just  very
mundane  things that,  taken individually  and with  the benefit  of the
doubt, might  seem not noteworthy  or at  least excusable, but  taken in
gestalt, add up  to severe mental and emotional abuse.  The woman in the
show talks  about how she met  this man, how wonderful  things were, how
inch by  inch they  started to  turn around, and  by the  end of  it her
family  were  concerned for  her  physical  safety.  She also  talks  in
hindsight about red flags that she  ignored at the time, her friends and
family talk  about their experience, and  they even talk to  some of the
same man's other ex-partners who corroborate and add to the main woman's
experience. I think that these  kinds of stories are extremely important
for people, particularly  women, to hear and understand.  Anyone can get
into  an abusive  relationship  at any  age, in  any  culture, with  any
level  of education.  It isn't  a failing  of the  victim. I  think that
abusive people, when  they manipulate and harm people,  are exploiting a
vulnerability that  exists in most  other people's brains;  we generally
assume good  intentions from  people who  are kind  to us,  we generally
assume that people are telling the truth when it isn't obvious that they
aren't, we accept and come to expect  kindness from those who show it to
us, and these things can cause us to overlook or explain away concerning
behavior,  even at  the  point where  it's so  obvious  from an  outside
perspective or in hindsight. Again, I don't believe this is a failing of
the  victim,  because in  general  those  things  that lead  someone  to
overlook or  ignore abusive  behavior are normal--  most people  are not
abusive, and we can generally trust  our friends and loved ones will not
manipulate, gaslight, and  abuse us. It would be a  horrible way to live
otherwise. At  the same time,  though, I think it  is vital to  learn to
spot the warning  signs of an abusive relationship, and  to learn how to
seek help if you are in one.  A book that the podcast's host recommends,
which I  read through many  years ago  but also found  enlightening, was
"Why Does He Do That? Inside the  Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by
Lundy Bancroft. I'm probably going to  read through it again soon, and I
would recommend it to anyone who can  stomach it; being able to spot and
work against these sorts of situations could save your life or that of a
loved one.  One last  thing I  feel I  should point  out is  that, while
abuse  by  men  towards  women in  heterosexual  couples  is  (possibly)
the  most common  'form'  abuse takes  on,  it can  and  does happen  in
any  configuration  of relationship,  from  and  towards people  of  all
demographics, and it is something we should all be aware and mindful of.

Anyway, now that the  heavy stuff is over, I'm going  to attempt to keep
up better with this gopher page,  though of course I'm sure everyone who
has been irregular with a project says  that and only a fraction of them
actually follow through with it, so  only time will tell. Also, a couple
of people have  sent me emails in  the last however many  months; if you
are reading this I haven't responded to  your message, that is due to my
personal failing,  and nothing to do  with you. I do  appreciate reading
emails and talking with people from time  to time so do feel free to say
hello!

-Vx