1.19.21

Hello again
Well, this has been a rougher than usual chunk of time. My supervisor at
work has  decided that  I need more  responsibilities, and  keeps making
this decision  every few days it  seems like. My workload  is already at
least 4x what it was just at the beginning of the year, and there are no
signs  of  that  slowing  down.  I try  to  explain  that  the  workload
overwhelms me,  but she won't listen.  Sometimes I get the  feeling that
I'm just incapable  of communicating with others. People  rarely seem to
understand what I  tell them, or at  least they don't act  like they do.
Even my  therapist sometimes seems  like she's  just asking me  the same
questions over and over for an entire session. I feel very alone. I read
a  book a  number  of years  ago  that has  stuck with  me,  I think  it
describes this  feeling fairly  well-- Ningin  Shikkaku by  Dazai Osamu.
This isn't a new feeling by any means  for me, but it has been some time
since  I've felt  it so  strongly. This  feeling of  total removal  from
humanity. I hope that I can get out of it sooner rather than later.

In lighter news, I have started  to put resumes out for openings working
in IT. I'm trying to keep my  expectations reasonable, as I don't have a
lot of the requisite work experience or traditional schooling that would
help me, but I'm hoping that my enthusiasm and willingness to learn come
through enough  to give  me a shot.  I'm mostly hoping  for a  help desk
position, but eventually I'd like  something less client-facing and more
challenging/rewarding. It at least gives me  some ray of hope that I can
leave this job and move on to something more personally interesting (and
possibly more lucrative,  but I'd be willing  to take a pay  cut for the
right position). I've  decided that if nothing happens by  the time it's
safe enough  to travel,  I'm just  going to  put in  my notice  here and
travel for a month or two, then focus full-time on honing my skills (and
my resume) for an  IT job until I can find one. I  normally do not think
it is a smart  idea to leave a job without something  else in the works,
but I have  enough saved up to live  off of for some time,  and this job
has gotten that  oppressive. In the million-to-one chance  that you know
someone looking to hire a 20-something  year old lady who has some light
scripting experience  and a  passion for  *nix systems,  networking, and
learning  about new  technologies in  the Southwestern  PA area,  let me
know!

-Vx