Stultus Avis Newspaper (Online) Issue #1 26-8-23 This is the least reputable news site ever! We make news up! ----------------------------------------------------------- NOKEA IS BEST PHONE NOKEA is now the best phone in terms of specs. With 500 MB of ram, the NOKEA 1100 is blazing fast, beating even the Pear phone. Plus it's 2g internet support makes this even more useful as an on-the-go phone with Enternet Exploded Browser preinstalled. And of course don't forget that it has NOTASCAM App Store and the game Snake on it! News by NOKEA Propaganda Department. ----------------------------------------------------------- Weather Rainy, chance of basketball sized hail falling. Max temper- ature: 5725 C, Min temp: -173 C. Humidity: 94.5%. ----------------------------------------------------------- Information about Stultus Avis Stultus Avis is an untrustworthy newspaper that has now transitioned to online stuff. We will try to produce as often as possible but creativity juices are limited so we may publish about weekly. ----------------------------------------------------------- Man throws beyblade A man threw a beyblade so hard he toppled a neighbouring building. The shocking-ish incident happened in New Yolk city, in Bomb Neighbourhood. Coincidentally the building which has toppled is called The Beyblade. Areal Person, 42, was killed in the toppling. ----------------------------------------------------------- UTC is officially the best time zone UTC is now the best time zone as it is standardized and does not have Daylight Killing Time and actually makes sense plus the added flair of using atomic time :) reports The Untrusted News Network and Cat News Network. ----------------------------------------------------------- CatNET 2 kbps INTERNET! $367,058,536 per month! cheap! /------\ |router| - - - - - CATNET - - - - CAT Satellite --- INTERNET \______/ ----------------------------------------------------------- Crapmart - CHEAPEST STUFF EVER! CHEAP MODEMZ! ___________ $2,753 -> |chocolate| \---------/ ----------------------------------------------------------- Magazine? Nah. MEGAZINE! 2 pages long TOTALLYNOTASCAM MEGAZINE! $846*1083 Buy through mail with PO Box 1635728754 or call 1800-not-a-scam-please-buy or through www.notascammegazine. com.net.org.scammy.fishy.buyus.pleasebuy.co.in.tv.ly.dev. techsupport.memez.warez.gym.tree.youtubb.educationevery where.xyz.sketchy.rock.sunatmostphericburst.supernova. edu. ----------------------------------------------------------- NUKES'R'Us A new shop called NUKES'R'Us has opened in Newer York. It targets itself to kids wanting to annihilate their entire city. It is also aimed at adults who are willing to get vaporized so that they can have a bit of fun. It sells: Tiny Nuke - $1, blows up your house Smol Nuke - $19.99, blows up your neighbour's house with it Medium Nuke - $99.9999, blows up your neighbourhood Big Nuke - $1999, blows up city HUGE NUKE - $32,999, blows up earth GIGA - $735,673,867, blows up whole galaxy, for Jeff Bezos when he wants to live in peace ----------------------------------------------------------- Go to Los Angeles! This is a guide to go to Los Angels, the city of people and aliens! First you should head for a flight to LAX, aka Lax Safety Standards Airport. if you survive, you should get a rental car as drive as much as possible, to the countryside because rent prices in the city are $83668473775687867565 1777327948726467e696963652847. Once you have your "home", go to the city and get a 9-to-5 job where you will work until you die. Oh and eat more fast food so that your suff- ering will be ended sooner. ----------------------------------------------------------- Rent a movie at BrickBuster! _______ $1,475 per movie! |movie| REWIND OR ELSE |$1475| ------- ----------------------------------------------------------- Send your articles to us at caketheidiot@sdf.org. Original website where this file emerged (just in case you are using another site which hosts this): caketheidiot.tx0.org/saa001 .txt Suggestions and ideas also welcome :) ----------------------------------------------------------- ??? ???!!?????S?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!E!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!D!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!H!!!!!!!!!!!!!E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!P! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!C!!!!!!!! !!!!!O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ----------------------------------------------------------- Dogs barks A dog barked so hard it caused an earthquake of M7.5. The quake caused buildings to turn into cream. ----------------------------------------------------------- Really Great Website banana.fws1.com The uses of bananas.. REVEALED! EXPOSED! ----------------------------------------------------------- Are you fed up with your web browser? There is NO alternative Enternet Exploded Browser, the worst browser! ----------------------------------------------------------- Man burns up A man burst up in flames after drinking olive oil then started smoking but swallowed his cigarette because he saw a chicken flying and he was shocked by it. He died later that day. ----------------------------------------------------------- Authors: caketheidiot