Stultus Avis Newspayper issue 2, 30-8-2023 ##### # # ##### # # # ##### # # #### # # # # # # # # # ##### # # # # # # # #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### # #### ###### # #### #### # # # # # # #### # # # # # # # # # # # #### ####### # # # # # # # # # # # # # ## # #### (art generated by figlet) ----------------------------------------------------------- Woman drowns A woman drowned in the bathtub after she tried to become a fish. The "shocking" incident happened at LoonDon city, Britain. 66 year old Totes A. Real Person saw on Farcebook (she does not have a phone, she used a PC which ran MonkeyChunks Edged) that "Become a fish!" and followed it. ----------------------------------------------------------- New method of measurement A new method of measurement has been made: phone length. The length of a phone. And the unit of time is TekTek, which is the time it takes for a person to stop binging TekTek, ie. 7 hours. ----------------------------------------------------------- Camping video A camping video was published on YeaTubbe where a woman screams "HEY GUYS!" while a person gets murdered in the background. The very normal video was well received by critics and "normal" people alike. ----------------------------------------------------------- Where? Where is where? Where Where, a resident of Wheretown, Wherestan, went missing on 28 August. He was last seen in Wherey Neighbourhood shouting "WHERE?!". He is presumed dead as Wheretown was bombed by a nuke. ----------------------------------------------------------- New OS A new OS, MonkeyChunks Doors 11 has released today (30-8-23 ). It includes more spying functionalities and a totally not useless AI integration. ----------------------------------------------------------- Random website dart.com ----------------------------------------------------------- NEW NEW NEW! BUY 99 GET 0 FREE! GET THE CHOCOLATE BARS BEFORE _____ THEY GET SOLD OUT! |___| allergy warning: contains plastic ----------------------------------------------------------- PlastoNoodlez ________ Lots of plastic! |PLASTO| -------- Very Cancerous! 60% trans fat, 40% MSG ----------------------------------------------------------- SOMSUNG PHONE NOTE563875628891276 pro max turbo full speed deluxe full ultimate definitive peanut potato pool orange juice buy buy we human chicken hybrid dual battery charger triple screen million tomato wham beijing corn big time loss bubble inflation call window radiation, 99% off! ----------------------------------------------------------- Get informed with latest fake news! News to deceive! News to kill your opinion! GO TO caketheidiot.tx0.org/sa for more disinformation! hosted on SDF: Super Dog Force.. I meant Super Dimensional Fortress. ----------------------------------------------------------- New hotel A new hotel named Alcatraz Hotel has emerged. It is located on Alcatraz Island. The rooms are $0 per night on the condition that you stay for 2 years. It has been rated 4.8 star and reviews are "this is great deal" - Fake Revie- wer, "DO NOT COMTHIS IS GREAT MY BRAIN DID NOT GET HIJACK" - ?11!?. ----------------------------------------------------------- Stultus. For the Stupidest Among Us ___ ________ (o o) <-- |stupid| / \ -------- ----------------------------------------------------------- ASCII stickman! O This is Stickos, the mascot of Stultus Avis. | Stickos likes to do stuff. / \ ----------------------------------------------------------- NEW SONG Ladoo le lo- ji le lo- ladoo lo lo re- translation: take ladoo! please take ladoo! take ladoo please! ----------------------------------------------------------- The tale of Mr Fish Once upon a time there was a fish. Then it got eaten by a shark. The End. This informative educational emotional life changing story is a piece of art about love, hatred, unity, devotion and altruism. The fish fought bravely. It has the power to change lives. ----------------------------------------------------------- SEND HELP PLEASE----- Please ignore our slave writer screaming in the background. Stultus Avis was founded in july 2023. It has published 8 paper issues, and 2 electronic issues (including this one!) We offer premium insightful informative "journalism" to poison your mind and deceive you. ----------------------------------------------------------- Weather 68846969857 C, chance of dead rats falling down from the sky. And just a slight drizzle of rain (27 cm of rainfall, 98% chance of destroying your house) ----------------------------------------------------------- CatNET plans: 1. Cheap - 2 kbps - $837 per day _____ 2. Normal - 4 kbps - $9695 per day |cat| 3. Expensive - 250 kbps - $83653 ----- 4. Pro - 500 kbps - $837625 5. Ultimate-ish - 1 mbps - $1,786,695 6. Elon Mask - 3 mbps - $200,000,000 ----------------------------------------------------------- Message of the day (we didn't get any so we are making it up this time) "I like pizza on pineapple" - Anonymous Person that we did not make up (email caketheidiot@sdf.org to get your message published!) ----------------------------------------------------------- Do you want an obnoxious reminder of when the next STULTUS AVIS comes out? Probably no but still send message to caketheidiot@sdf.org (said this so many times!) to get one. Will totes not wake you up at 1 AM. ----------------------------------------------------------- Types of clouds 1. Cucumbus 2. Cucumber 3. Big Chungus 4. unknown ----------------------------------------------------------- Scamazon! Buy your socks here! Socks for $0.008 (6 second warranty!) 1000 scammers to get scammed from! Top notch fun! ----------------------------------------------------------- Your child is a genius! We are not trying to scam you or anything! Buy our AI Training Class, $8,776 per hour! We also teach how to scam people so your child can exploit hundreds of innocent humans every day. Call 1800-scammy-scammo-your-child-is-dumb - Ad by Genius Scams Corp. ----------------------------------------------------------- authors: caketheidiot Mail article suggestions and feedback and ideas to caketheidiot@sdf.org (how many times have I said this?!) Published 1 September 2023