__ (__|_ |_|_ _ /\ o _ __)|_|_|| |_|_|_> /--\\/|_> Issue 3, Started writing: 1 Sep 2023, ----------------------------------------------------------- ISS shot down The ISS was shot down by a guy with a shotgun thinking "this random dot in the sky is totally what is causing my crops to fail". The bullet hit the solar panels. ----------------------------------------------------------- New Restoraunt A new restoraunt, Donkey Donuts has emerged. Here is its menu (non vegetarian!): 1. Donkey Soup (Now with extra donkey meat! $166) 2. Donkey Sandwich (With EXTRA plastic! $55) 3. Donkey Burger (100% trans fat! $773) ----------------------------------------------------------- DYNAMIC CLOUD COMPUTING AT MonkeyChunks Cumulus Cloud. We have no idea what cloud computing is! Trust us bro! ________ |server| <- untrustworthy -------- ----------------------------------------------------------- BRAKING NEWS: BRAKING NEWS Braking news! braking news happened! A roller coaster is flying and heading towards WASHington at a speed of 2 Mach. Right now it is flying over Boston. UPDATE: It has crashed into a pizza place. Thankfully the roller coaster turned to ashes well before it hit so there was only a wave of ash. ----------------------------------------------------------- Nothing happened Nothing happened at London, UK today. People are working and trying (unsuccessfully) to pay their rents. ----------------------------------------------------------- New domain ending A new domain ending, .scam has been created by Scammy Behemoth Corp. "This domain is for scammers like us" says Scammy Behemoth as the reason for registering the domain to the IANA (Interns and Arrests National Agency). ----------------------------------------------------------- Stultus Avis is based on the Earth! We love making news up. ----------------------------------------------------------- Buy Prangles Chipp now! ___ $953 per chip! ( ) *** ----------------------------------------------------------- New rocket launched A new rocket has been launched named NEW, standing for the No Extra Work. It is meant to monitor weather on planet EARth. It is definitely not a military satellite to beam a high energy laser to fry every single human, bacteria and animal. UPDATE: Scientists accidentally hired Scammo IT to do their IT stuff, and installed MonkeyChunks IIS (Is It Sad), and the software was so ancient it just gave up, killing the rocket's PC. The explosion destroyed most of Atlanta (aka. Atlantis). (NOTE: IIS is an ancient software used to serve stuff *inefficiently*. It has zero security) ----------------------------------------------------------- Yoga pose invented A new yoga pose, Break Your Spine Pose, has been invented. First stand and bend back a lot until you touch the floor. Now jump around. Your spine is now broken! Get someone to call the hospital. You will be bedridden for months and your back will never be the same again. ----------------------------------------------------------- Office destroyed An office building was destroyed by a person leaning on it too much. Turns out the building is made of drywall and broke down, and it was so weak only a cloud of dust was left after the collapse. There were no deaths and zero infjuries but sadly dust got into the coffee machine and broke it beyond repair. A funeral was conducted, and 7,334 people attended. ----------------------------------------------------------- Facts and stuff 1. Clouds provide shade 2. Don't try to touch an AM transmitter or else you will hear the sounds of the station and you'll get fried to death. 3. Discord sells your data (obviously, how do they gain their money?) 4. Never run sudo rm -rf. Please. Don't. ----------------------------------------------------------- 100 Lines! Stultus Avis is quite long! Continue being deceived by us, please pweeaase ----------------------------------------------------------- Buy a Cannon Printer now! $445. /--/ / / / / ----- shoots paper out of the printer! ----------------------------------------------------------- Vim is a good editor. Stultus Avis was made in it! _____ https://0x0.st/Hp4O.png is a screenshot |VIM| of how I made this article! ----- ----------------------------------------------------------- Twatter rebrands Twatter rebranded as F today. The blue bird was killed and replaced by a massive F logo. EMBRACE F EMBRACE IT OR ELSE YOU GET ELIMINATED ----------------------------------------------------------- author: caketheidiot Send your articles/feedback to caketheidiot@sdf.org.