STULTUS Avis Propagandapaper Issue #5 By STULTUS DECEIVERZ 17 September 2023 issue. CC-BY-SA. ----------------------------------------------------------- New encryption algorithm A new encryption algorithm, Catastrophically Insecure has been created. Here is a message in it: 62537ilovesandwiches692654207 <- secret key, transmitted blah blah blah encrypted in plain text, of course stuff blah blah ----------------------------------------------------------- Buy our Acne Cream, 90% plastic Works 11% of the time ----------------------------------------------------------- Buy Time, our newest invention! $24.99 a pop! 13 Billion Years of content to watch: Watch the end of the DINEosaurs, the rise of humankind and the rise of the [CENSORED]. 2 second warranty. ----------------------------------------------------------- Transcription of com available! http://caketheidiot.tx0.org/com10923.txt ----------------------------------------------------------- Soiled Toilet Paper available at $2 per roll. With added diseases (polio included) Please do not disinfect Steps for unsafe disposal: 1. Go to municipal water plant 2. Find the pipe for drinking water 3. Throw it there 4. Watch the whole city get polio ----------------------------------------------------------- NEW II launch The No Extra Work Electric Boogaloo rocket lifted off from Garbageo Spaceport today. But at 2 minutes after launch, some popcorn flew in from somewhere, clogging up the exhaust systems, causing the Solid Rocket Boosters to explode, and the rest of the rocket to give up existing. /\ || || || === ----------------------------------------------------------- NEW III planned The NEW III rocket is planned for launch on 17 September 2023. Now with a budget of 229 million dollars, they hired Mafioso IT to do their IT and popcorn has been banned within 10 km of launch site. ----------------------------------------------------------- FartSure cereals: Guaranteed food poisoning, shortening of bones, weakening of.. basically everything. $92 per pack For an Unhealthy Planet! ----------------------------------------------------------- Plastic Fishes available at Babebb Mega Mart Fish with added goodness of plastic and minerals like iron, zinc, plutonium and uranium. ----------------------------------------------------------- CleenHands Soap: Kills 0.1% of bacteria, with added Ebola Virus. ----------------------------------------------------------- Uncle Samwich Needs YOU Sign up for Samwich Military at your nearest Sabway restoraunt _____ (aka. army barrack) and join |-_-| the Great Sabway Revolution. \---/ ----------------------------------------------------------- ePhone 15 ePhone 15 by Pear will release Monday. Crowd up the store, sleep outside it, and get the latest phone in the Eavesdropper (e) series, which is more advanced than the older Advertiser Heaven (a) series which consisted of a1 to a17 and "better" than the even older NSA (n) series. ----------------------------------------------------------- ePhone 15 Pro Max Deluxe Farts $2999 per phone. And buy the Smortphoen Subscription to actually use the thing for $10.99 per month. ----------------------------------------------------------- What is the thing that unites humanity? The thing that unites the whole of humanity, over ethnic, religious and language lines is.. children making a fit because they are being forced to leave some place. Made in com by feoh. ----------------------------------------------------------- Where is Stultus Avis produced from? Stultus Avis is made in com (r). Precisely in the COMplex. ----------------------------------------------------------- DuoLango: Join us in learning new languages! If you sign up you shall agree to the following terms and conditions of using the application/software: 1. I give up right to freedom and allow myself to be detained by the DuoLango Police. 2. I shall not leave the DuoLango offices and only speak my picked language for the rest of my life. 3. I allow myself to be mind controlled by DuoLango forever and to be used in DuoLango LLC's research voluntarily. ----------------------------------------------------------- Don't ----------------------------------------------------------- BR Codes: Better than QR codes: Step 1: Turn you URL into numbers (A = 1, B = 2, etc) Step 2: Turn into Hexadecimal Step 3: Done! Examples: AZAY -> 1-26-1-25 -> 1-1A-1-19 ----------------------------------------------------------- Buy LUCIFER Soap! $29.666! By the trusted brand DEVIL Corp. ----------------------------------------------------------- Watch FASHION PROPAGANDA SHOW live 11:30 UTC every day! Featured: Kim Barbarian and Friends ----------------------------------------------------------- Weather -1837 C, 101% chance of rain, chance of falling toilets. AQI: 7266, 64827482110323568803 kph, SPF: 64,658 ----------------------------------------------------------- NardVPN 30-second moneyback guarantee $525487619.99999999 per day ----------------------------------------------------------- Babebb Ice Creamz $14.99 per cup Scoop the Poisonous Filth (r) Flavours: Dirt Sand Cyanide Acid Mix Mercury Lead ----------------------------------------------------------- Go to BIG TIME HOTEL. $61527696942072 per night ----------------------------------------------------------- BadWill A new store, BadWill has been opened. In it people give old clothes to BadWill and allow other dirty people to buy them. Here is the process of selling: 1. Person donates 2. Sent to Infectinator 3. Ticks, germs and stains added 4. Sell! ----------------------------------------------------------- Inutil Greentooth Speakers $1176 per unit Great* sound quality** ----------------------------------------------------------- Names of months Jamuary Fabuary Munch Joon Jupiter Augustus, month of roman stuff Synthember (Made by Cucumber on mastodon) Octuber, month of potatoes Nopevember, month of nope Deezember ----------------------------------------------------------- Do? Yes. Don't do? No. ----------------------------------------------------------- ePhone 15. Crap camera. Waste of money. ----------------------------------------------------------- Noekea: 45 year battery life Nuclear batteries $117 ----------------------------------------------------------- Get 20 years of futile protection for your windows. FutileProtekkt $72 per pack Excellance in Futility ----------------------------------------------------------- NEW I satellite remains FOUND The remains of the NEW I satellite was found by Mr. Wemadethispersonup Trustusbro today. He was walking along Madeup Beach and saw the debris. The recovered pieces include: in-flight computer (promptly destroyed to prevent the IIS* software from spreading), energy ray (damaged beyond repair) and the VOMIT satellite, which was meant to study Venus (recovered, repaired and will be relaunched in the NEW III rocket) * = It Is a Scam ----------------------------------------------------------- Odour Milk and Butter. Utterly Butterly Deadly $66 per gram ----------------------------------------------------------- Nikee Shoes Poisonous spiders inside Just don't Do It ----------------------------------------------------------- On contributing articles Well it turns out basically all of our mindless readers whom we like to vomit on don't have an email account. Sad! Introducing Stultus Avis Contributions For Brainless Social Media Users! Here is the account to send your trash ideas to: Discord (aka. Distrusted) - spcycake2 Ok. Not that many. But we don't use many. Oh and please send through email if you have it because we check the email more regularly than those social peedias. And here is the email: caketheidiot@sdf.org ----------------------------------------------------------- Abduction Services A new app offering cheap abduction services has emerged named Boober. Here is the process: 1. You order a Boober to abduct you. 2. Wait. Have patience, the van needs time. 3. You will be thrown into a van. 4. Once they get their fees, they will euthanize you. The service is a good deal for people wanting----------------------------------------------------- Introducing: Stultus MockMe Send an email to caketheidiot@sdf.org with subject line "Please Mock Me" and write your name in the body. We will include it in the next issue of STULTUS AVIS and poke fun at you. It is subject to the following terms: 1. That you accept that you shall be mocked in any way. 2. It is in CC-BY-SA licence (just like this megazine) ----------------------------------------------------------- What is AI? AI is a generative innovative cloud based [insert 6,728,377 ,692 other buzzwords] helpful computing system to assist you in providing new experiences for your customers and highly scalable solution for enterprise needs and digital transformation blah blah blah we have no idea what we are talking about agile secure we are spying on you and welcome the era of intelligent cloud blah blah blah AI alliance to enhance innovation, reshape professional services, incremental growth, destroying culture, destroying creativity, etc. Use MonkeyChunks AI Services at the low price of $9999 per day. Use the most agile cloud platform ever. We totally know what we are doing. Unleash creativity, blah blah blah ----------------------------------------------------------- Watch Whinie the Poo: Whining 4lyfe. $98 per ticket ----------------------------------------------------------- This work/piece of disinformation is under CC-BY-SA. For the dumbest of the dumb readers, it means you can copy, sell and change this issue IF you credit me (caketheidiot @sdf.org) or else we will send a party van to pick you up. ----------------------------------------------------------- MonkeyChunks Surfaced Poo 9.265274856519940002750176316912 A new MonkeyChunks Surfaced Poo has been released. Now with Widowed 12, it is an ultra portable EXTREEEM BATTERY LIFE device. It has 0.56 GB of RAM. At a reasonable price of $7612 per minute of usage. ----------------------------------------------------------- Widowed 12 Review Widowed 12 is a robust operating system with hundreds of useful features and AI integrations. The Edgy Browser will get even more extremely useful versatile innovative AI solutions, integrations and bloat. All in all, GREAT! BUY! BUY! BUY! ----------------------------------------------------------- HAHAHEEEHHEHEHEHEHHEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP ----------------------------------------------------------- ePhone 15. Innovation is Dead. 2.56 GB. With the Trust of Timmy Cooked ----------------------------------------------------------- Betaverse A new very innovative high-potential blah blah technology to trap billions of people inside their rooms for the rest of their life, says Maeta CEO Morc Sockerbugg. ----------------------------------------------------------- Coronavirus retires The coronavirus virus has retired to a retirement home in [withheld as corona is in witness protection]. "I am so tired of killing people. My time is over. This is a young man's game" says Mr. Corona. He is now spending his days knitting and flying kites. "It is fun" says he. ----------------------------------------------------------- Did You Know: AQI 5900+ is healthy ----------------------------------------------------------- Vomitus Sanscream SPF 3 Protects against sunburn Side effects: Gangrene, muscle rot, cancer, diabetes, loss of vision, weak muscles, weak bones, immunity decrease, death, potato ----------------------------------------------------------- Barfo ICE CREM ______ Now with REAL BARF |barf| <- Deadly! REAL BARF |____| Cheap-ish! REAL ICE CREM $5 per atom ----------------------------------------------------------- Greasy Fries Just like school food. $9.9999999 per greasepacket. 90% fats (of which 95% trans fat, 5% saturated fat) and 5% MSG and 5% mystery stuff ----------------------------------------------------------- Wages skipped All wage paying will be skipped from 17 September to 19 October 2024 to give new opportunities, drive the economy, fuel the digital transformation and give new experiences to every filthy worker. - By Joff Bozos, CEO of Scamazon. ----------------------------------------------------------- Buy the Wantendo Wyy for $999! Full DRM! You can only play games for 30 minutes after which they will be locked until you pay for the game again. Internet required. Wantendo Connectu Inutil Service required to play any games. ----------------------------------------------------------- NEW IV built The NEW IV rocket has been prepared just in case NEW III gives up existing again. But the rocket's boosters were bought from an online store called Wash.net (It has incredibly low prices, no idea why or how). ----------------------------------------------------------- Deer found in toilet A deer was found in a toilet belonging to Mr. Howard Fishy Smell. Mr. Smell was excreting intestinal waste from his anus when the deer popped up and sparred and killed him. Authorities say the deer got there by means of "teleportation or other quantum phenomena". The deer's name is Deero Gasso. It disappeared from PuPu Zoo on 16 September. ----------------------------------------------------------- Stultus Avis is the best source of information. It is a weekly collection of the week's events and happenings from all around the world. Many dumb brainless ugly inutil people waste their time reading this heap of cow dung and plastic and arsenic + kerosene mixture. We love to vomit on random people. ----------------------------------------------------------- Museum of Arrogance A new museum, Museum of Arrogance has opened. It caters to arrogant people, trying to see the Light of Arrogance, which is a massive statue of arrogance. ----------------------------------------------------------- DubbLubb TV: TV for your delight and death! $233 per day 2 CHANNELS! WOW! PREMIUM! LUXURY! BESPOKE! ----------------------------------------------------------- What Does This Word Mean? What does bespoke mean? It means some thing that wastes your money by luring you into the thought of luxury and turns you into a brainless consumer, like a good outstanding citizen (seeteezenn) ----------------------------------------------------------- Let's Decrypt! Destroy your web certs No HTTPS PURE HTTP By some shady person we found on 5chan ----------------------------------------------------------- Memenet. The newest invention by Blueberry ----------------------------------------------------------- StainedGlass Wandows 12 Where blue screens start with OH GOD!* * = made by quintin ----------------------------------------------------------- Youronal Kettles $11 ----------------------------------------------------------- Urinal Cakes $2 per cake ----------------------------------------------------------- Bop Haircutts We Cut Kids $55 per hair strand cut ----------------------------------------------------------- RATS Bakery EXPOSED RATS Bakery has been exposed for not adding the minimum amount of arsenic, which is 200 mg. It only contains 37 mg, not enough to kill. "This is outrageous! A company NOT poisoning its consumers! Waah Waaaaaah Wah!" says Garry Arson. Also, the prices are NOT 12 times the original cost price. ----------------------------------------------------------- Stultus Avis motto Stultus Avis motto is now "For the Brainless". ----------------------------------------------------------- Userbunchmarks, the best benchmarking thing ever. "AME is trash". ----------------------------------------------------------- Keep A Mosquito Keep humanity's worst creature for a low low price of $738! Plus with added malaria! ----------------------------------------------------------- Premium Classic Poisonous Taste $77 per chocolate bar. Bespoke. We have no idea what that means. ----------------------------------------------------------- Frontrooms Episode 2 has released today. To the awe of its stupid* fans, "Frog eaten, baby into monster! bacteria monster be alive and throw away frog body and baby revive frog and frog turns into a demon and terrorizes bacteria monster! CLICK NOW TO FIND OUT". ------------------------------------------- Yutubb information kit The annual Yutubb information press conference has revealed that 9.7 billion videos have been generated by the new VideoCreator 6.9 algorithm, which generates videos at a rate of 7369 per second. And it supports on-demand video creation, which allows Yutubb and partners to deliver new videos according to what the user searches for. After a user finishes watching, the video is purged. For Yutubb Shorter, a new addictive social peedia, videos are created instantly and there is no need for a user to search for the algorithm to generate the videos. For the usual mindless CONSUME MORE person, they will never ever search or seek out old videos. "Purging old, unwatched, non stimulating content is good because it frees up space for newer more stimulating and addicting videos" says Seal Mohan, CEO of Yutubb. ----------------------------------------------------------- Marker Zuckerburger scandal Fakebook CEO Marker Zuckerburger has been involved in a scandal involving the misappropriation of funds meant for improving children's education in Zimbabwe, instead spending it on yachts and SPF 108382+ sunscreen. The police arrested him on Friday but he was released under the "Billionaires can do any crime without punishments Bill, 2003". "Yachts are cool. Education can wait, luxury sunscreen cannot" says Zuckerburger. The funds were given to him by the NSA (Nose Saturation Ant). They totalled 223 billion america currency things we don't know what they are called please help. ----------------------------------------------------------- Assassin Toilets Watch the movie at your nearest movie theater or watch on Scamflixx. A father loses his son to drugs and his daughter is being held hostage by terrorists. His wife has been killed by the mafia. ----------------------------------------------------------- Tune in to 101 mHz to listen to FART RADIO. Featuring: 1. Music by DJ Toilet 2. News by Mr. Potatoe 3. Propaganda by Mr. Lived, reading out of Stultus Avis. Sponsored by NardVPN ----------------------------------------------------------- Q. Why is this issue a bit shorter than #4? A. My creative juices are a bit dry this week. Q. How can I submit articles? A. Help us by delivering some articles to caketheidiot@sdf.org. Stultus Avis is free but why not support our very *humble* propaganda operation by helping out! or try the discord address (I don't check it very often) at spcycake2. Q. Why are there no pictures? A. This is a textfile. Not a webpage. Meaning ONLY text. I like it this way. Easier to concentrate on deceiving. ----------------------------------------------------------- Attention spans Attention spans are dropping extremely quickly, warns Mr. Howard Imadehimup. The rise of TekTek is worrying for the traditional propaganda industry, as TekTek offers much more sensation than even the best tabloid newspapers. Do not use it. Save your "Dignity" also. ----------------------------------------------------------- Song of this issue Tuturututu! I like food! Do not touch Or else I will kill you! This is my food! This is mine! Do not take! Or else I will kill you! Food is my world Share it, but no take it! Do not take! Inspiration from the one in the previous issue ----------------------------------------------------------- Spyee- Teh next search engine! 15 queries per minute LIMIT $1 per query ----------------------------------------------------------- MonkeyChunks Phoen Paer Pair your Phoen to your spying device. Make calls, Send useless messages. Using your spying device has never been easier. Streamlined! $15 per month ----------------------------------------------------------- Get MonkeyChunks News & Death tab! Useless news! ----------------------------------------------------------- Go to Mount RushEvenMore! See the 5 founding fathers' faces that have been destroyed by a nuke a few years ago! $10 per ticket Open 2 AM - 2:30 AM ----------------------------------------------------------- Imperial-er system of measurement 14 inches per foot 1154 foot per mile 47.84272901183582551039247169108471 feet per yard ----------------------------------------------------------- Inflation Watch 707,633% daily inflation. 227% interest rate ----------------------------------------------------------- Inside Fakebook CONNECTING TO FAKEBOOK DATA CORP 5.2 CONNECTED > CREATE POST --QUALITY=ZERO CREATING.. "TEH EARTH IS BUTT-SHAPED" > APPROVED DONE. PUBLISHING.. > CHECK VIEWS 173627834628483599820018 VERMIN HAVE SEEN. > EXIT ----------------------------------------------------------- Do not buy cat. Cat terror of men. ----------------------------------------------------------- Antarctic ice at best Antarctic ice have decreased to the best levels ever says experts. "It's mind-blowingly happy news!" exclaims David Walnut. ----------------------------------------------------------- New football club A new football club, Peanut Mermaids have been founded by Jack Nothing. "This is a club full of peanuts" says Nothing, who also is a bit deranged. ----------------------------------------------------------- Did You Know? America is in America. ----------------------------------------------------------- Amieno is the best spamming platform, now with more bots! Third most addictive social peedia. Most toxic community ever. Watch it right when you wake up! Ad filled garbage! FTC non-compliant! ----------------------------------------------------------- Free bobux and VBux! Go to bet.ly/scamsforfree Send your credit card, email, address and real name to wewanttostalkyou@scamcorp.co.scam ----------------------------------------------------------- Get stalked NOW!!!! Call 1800-stalk-me-right-now and we will stalk you and for an additional charge of $10, we will waterboard you. ----------------------------------------------------------- Where Did This Thing Emerge From If you are reading this in the future, this issue was initially hosted on caketheidiot.tx0.org. ----------------------------------------------------------- author: caketheidiot