Stultus Avis Newspaper, issue 14 19 November 2023. CC-BY-SA 4.0 International Licence (:D) <- crazy ----------------------------------------------------------- Airpoo Rentals: Get abused by some weird guy! Destroys communities! ----------------------------------------------------------- Most evil Yutubber award The most evil Yutubber award has been given to illumanipulation, a Yutubber who abused her partners and even slandering other Yutubbers. "I am proud to receive this prestigious award!" tweets illumanipulation. "I had a lot of fun abusing them!" she adds. She has also plagiarised.. a lot. ----------------------------------------------------------- New video A new video has been released, Cooking Kids Part 71. In it, Jimmy S. Tealer cooks a 6 year old. "I am honoured to appear in this prestigious column" says Tealer. ----------------------------------------------------------- Duckspeak Stream Here is some (impure) duckspeak "journalism": A gaming news site has cooked pizza noodles pasta with the help of boiled calculators and human hair. Hundreds of people cooked food along with the gaming site. Cricket tournament won by a cricket team and, speaking of cricket, cricket has a person known as a baller who throws a ball. In other sports, balls are kicked by foot, known as football. Duck DUck dUUCK DUK. DUK ARMY MARCH TO YOU LOCATION IN 30 MINUTE. A piece of 77% pure duckspeak: Half cook cockroach popsicle center talk in sack with sack and beef pork chicken mix in pot very smell taste pop rat jump ----------------------------------------------------------- How to lose all your life savings 1. Invest ALL YOUR MONEY in PoopoCoin 2. TO THE MOO- I MEANT TO THE CORE OF THE EARTH 3. Voila! ----------------------------------------------------------- Most Americans lose life savings after PoopoCoin crash 87% of Americans have lost their life savings after investing in PoopoCoin which crashed on Thursday. "I invested everything, following the advice of Elon Musket and CyberCryptoCoinCrapp" says Paul P. Pee, an investor and professional idiot. "I am proud that some stupid people actually fell for it and even promoted it to other swin- I meant *consumers*" says Ken E. Viles, founder of PoopoCoin. "I am also thankful to CyberCryptoCoinCrap for promoting my scam" he adds. The field of crypto is full of great scamming opportunities. We have made one as well! STULTUSCOIN! We will not rugpull. We promise you :) ----------------------------------------------------------- The solution to homelessness The solution to homelessness is digging pits in the ground and calling them homes. These homes will be 20 by 20 cm big and if the person wants to upgrade beyond this EXTREMELY high allocation, the person can pay $5,937 for an additional 100 square cm. "Innovative idea rat turtle pond land" says Robert C. Raze, a random crazy person we found and abducted on the street. For an additional $100, a roof will be given and the hole home will be deepened to 3 meters from 10 cm. "What a deal! This will solve homelessness!" exclaims Wendy F. Raaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, a bystander who got murdered shrtly after our interview. No idea who did that heinous crime :) ----------------------------------------------------------- Cure to Alzheimer's found The cure to Alzheimer's has been found by Andrew C. Munney, an office worker. Here is how the cure, called NoMoreForget works: a knife is dug into the brain and brain matter scooped out. "I recommend people to give patients anaesthesia before practicing the miracle procedure" says Munney. "How will the brain shrink if does'nt exist? No way! I don't know why nobody has done this before" he adds. Scientists have been trying to find the cure for it for decades. "Wow" says David S. Burgertron, a prominent-ish scientist at the Institute of Saying Wow For No Reason. ----------------------------------------------------------- Tourists stranded Hundreds of tourists were stranded at London's PITA Airport after all the pilots and ATC personnel had a party and had a hangover as a result. ----------------------------------------------------------- WHY IS STULTUS SHRINKING? It turns out, creative juices fluctuate over time and the editors don't have much time to write (1h30m per day). But the quality has probably improved so not that bad. ----------------------------------------------------------- author: caketheidiot