Stultus Avis SomethingSomething, Issue 16! 10 December 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------- Worst scandal ever: Poogate A new scandal, Poogate has erupted after dog feces were discovered in a swimming pool in Austin, Texas. Hundreds of people were shocked and disgusted by the incident and 7 suspects have been arrested. We will provide more updates as the situations develops (degenerates?). ----------------------------------------------------------- Song of this issue Introducing a new type of music: STULTUSIAN. Here is one: Duck fly rat man! Drunk fart hole! Police wing maker! Writer baker! Laughing water deep! Idiot telephone service pie! First line must have 4 words, second must have 3, third must also have 3, fourth must have 2 and fifth line must have 4. Melodic beauty! Here is a review of this song: "The flying duck and rat man.. this thing changed my life. This is the most incredible piece of art ever created in the entire history of humankind and has the potential to solve global warming and bring world peace. The idiot telephone service line was the most meaningful to me. This incredibly well composed melody helped me beat depression, cancer and my brain has expanded 20%. I recommend it to each and every organism on planet Earth. Even my cat has become a lot smarter due to hearing these miraculous lines. I call on every government worldwide to spread this song and save it for future generations so that they can too enjoy the great feeling of enlightenment that I have experienced and to sing it every moment of our lives. It feels great to be in this state of complete calm and pleasure". Review by Paul S. Tuturututu. ----------------------------------------------------------- Sacred verse "A man with shapely buttocks can steal food unpunished, but a man who strays from the path of idiocy shall be punished with eternal pain" ----------------------------------------------------------- Walmart-Target War: 400 dead in fire caused by napalm Over 400 people died in a fire caused by a napalm bomb in Target, North Carolina. It was dropped by the Walmart Genocide Force. "We protest this disgusting act against Target dignity!" screeches Lewis, a Target community leader. ----------------------------------------------------------- PEDOVISION Weight Measurer (it actually exists) ----------------------------------------------------------- Average meme Nobody: Mario: SKIBIDI RIZZ GYATT GO COMMIT DIE ----------------------------------------------------------- TERRORIST BURRITO @ 0.99 The waiters are friendly! ----------------------------------------------------------- BrickCALCULATOR: Breaks every 3 months! 2 second warranty* *Damages caused by explosion, defect, bombs, dropping, bird droppings, etc are not included. ----------------------------------------------------------- BrickCALCULATOR destroys building The Khali Building was destroyed today after someone threw a BrickCALCULATOR, which weighs over 10 kilos, after it presumably broke. Police are investigating the incident and if you have any information about this incident, please call 1800-not-mafia-honeypot. 103 people died in the collapse and 458 were injured. Out of these, 20 people died in the building, 4 from falling debris and 79 from the ground collapsing on a subway line running underneath. ----------------------------------------------------------- Apple accused of overpricing drugs Apple has been accused of overpricing its Premium Meth Pro Max by the Affordable Drugs Federation. We have done our own investigation and here are our findings, compiled after months of research, interrogations and kidnappings. The price of the Premium Meth Pro Max meth pack is $1,492 per gram, whereas the price on the market is $203 per gram. This is a blatant ploy to exploit addicts and should be liquidated. Apple declined multiple requests for comment. "This is disgusting! And their meth is of very bad quality" shrieks Larry Badmouth, a certified crybaby. ----------------------------------------------------------- Stop Bullying Movement founded The Stop Bullying (ineffectively) movement has been founded by Ken B. Ully, a professional lazy person. Here is its advice to stop bullying: 1. Never stand up for yourself 2. Ask the bully to stop 3. Cope 4. Tell a teacher ----------------------------------------------------------- Hundreds of brains fried by video Hundreds of brains were fried today by a video of [REDACTED FOR SAFETY] on the platform TingTong. It is about [REDACTED TO PREVENT YOUR BRAIN FROM MELTING]. All of the victims had their brains turn to a delicious mush. Here is a recipe: 1. Obtain 3 teaspoons of mush. 2. Roll it up into balls. 3. Fry in oil. 4. Enjoy! ----------------------------------------------------------- 47 dead from eating brain mush 47 people died and 271 people were injured after eating the popular brain mush recipe. They got intense diarrhoea and vomiting and died soon after. ----------------------------------------------------------- author: caketheidiot