2024-02-05

I love California like you love your crazy uncle. Your crazy uncle
is fun to visit, says and does batshit insane and funny shit, and
you can't tell whether he's smoking crack or actually serious. He
also lives in a weird house and everytime you see him is either
flush with money or completely broke.

Anyways, today I'll talk about Brightline West which is the dumbest
private "high-speed" rail service. I quote high-speed because my
fellow gopher-ers that live in Japan or Europe would scoff at
125mph/200kph being high-speed rail...but I digress.

Brightline West is the proposed next venture of basically the only
successful privately owned inter-city rail company in the US. Their
first and only successful route so far is in Florida and goes from
Miami to Orlando. This is actually a decently thought out and useful
rail-line.

But we're here to talk about Brightline West in California which
is not as thought out as the Florida line and is hilariously dumb.

So Las Vegas and Los Angeles are like 2 peas-in-a-weekender pod.
Every weekend, Los Angelenos and anyone in the LA-metro area pour
into Las Vegas for a weekend of booze, gambling, and debauchery.
Of course this means that driving to Las Vegas from LA is literally
hell on earth. LA traffic is "the worst." I know a lot of other
americans will claim they have the worst traffic in the US but no
you are wrong. LA traffic is the shittiest, gnarliest traffic in
the country and that is absolutely saying something since we've
got pretty shitty traffic in some pretty big cities including where
I am in Texas.

And in particular LA traffic to Las Vegas (I-10 to I-15) is so bad 
that I would rather be kicked in my testicles for 3 hours straight 
than sit in that. lord have mercy. Oh sure you can try the "side
streets" or the "other highways" to avoid I-10 but even if that
makes a difference, whelp I-15 is always there to kick you in the
nuts. (Also dishonorable mention to I-5 from San Fran to LA. That
sucks big balls too. Shout out to LA-San Diego as well for sucking
ass.)  

Anyways, like any idiot with a map can deduce, building a high-speed
rail from LA proper to Las Vegas just makes sense. Except no-one
has had the guts to battle LA-metro's hellish politics and
landowners...until Brightline West. and so a proposed LA to Las
Vegas route was proposed and accepted(?)

But actually they never even made it into Los Angeles! No friends,
Brightline West *starts* in Rancho Cucamonga which is so hilarious
that I can't even right now.

The Inland Empire is NOT Los Angeles. Like are you kidding me man?
Are you really going to take the goddamn train if you live in
Inglewood or West Hollywood much less Compton or Santa Monica?!?

Just making it to the Inland Empire and Rancho Cucamonga station
is already half the goddamn battle to get to Las Vegas. You seriously
might as well take a flight to Vegas!

For those playing along, just get on google maps on any given Friday
afternoon around 5PM Pacific time and do a route from Union Station
LA to the Rancho Cucamonga Rail Station.

And see how long it would take you just to make it to the train
station. Hilarious! for even more laughs, do the route just using
public transportation and not even driving to Rancho Cucamonga.
Double Hilarious!

Oh California...keep smoking whatever it is that you smoke. hehe