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July 26th, 2022 - Procrastinations
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Today I'm supposed to get back to the grindstone and
continue my InfoSec training. I'm just having a hard
time getting myself there. I talked a little bit, in 
a previous entry, about how I'm approaching
motivation vs discipline, and I'm trying to stick to
my guns here.

I don't have a lot of motivation today. I didn't get
good rest last night and was up until almost 5am, 
unable to fall asleep. I ended up back on my laptop,
configuring my DE and apps in the usual bellyfire I
find myself in when it comes to configuring and
customizing a new Linux install.

But, as we spoke about the other day, motivation is
not something that can be counted on. It's too
fickle. I need to focus on discipline -- because I
don't feel like doing my studying today, I need to
really push myself to do it regardless. Extra
effort is required, so today will be an "extra" 
kind of day.

On a side-note, I've stopped going to my favorite
BBS. I'm having a crisis of confidence, the sysop
told me about some cool easter-eggs I could find,
but now I'm feeling awkward about visiting. What
if I can't find those easter eggs? Does that make
me a poser?

I hate how easiy my brain walls things off over
the smallest amount of expectation or pressure. I
really love BBS's and I don't want my stupid
fucking brain ruining it for me. I'm going to
have to suck it up and push myself to go on there
and put effort into finding these things, so I
can stop worring myself and get back to enjoying
the world of BBS'.

Man, I hate my brain.

- diviniti