I've had panic attacks in the past but I've 
learned to calm them down. Normally my 
mind is busy, then there are negative thoughs
intruding. So far, everything is fine, but
for a panic attack to be succesful, there has
to be some somatic feedback. 

Once the body starts to participate, when the 
breath starts to speed up, when the heart
starts to race, then the mind has more to 
grab on. 

"See I told you something is wrong"

More somatic experiences arise, the mind
spins out of control. Panic attacks have
a very distinc feeling to them. So I learned
to navigate this by relaxing, and sometime 
simply changing my mind, watching TV or
drinking warm tea while reflecting or drawing. 

But there is a new type of panic attack. (for me)
Noctural panic attack! 

These are so far the best! 

Calmly sleeping away, I get awaken
by my heart racing so fast for no reason.
I get out of bed, walk down, my heart is 
racing like I've been in a sparing fight. 
I try to calm down but the heart
keeps going up. Am I dying? 

Cold sweats all over my body, I feel 
faint, cold and shivery. Am I dying?
Take my pulse again, it's a little less
than 180, still way too high. Need more
oxygene, deep breath, run upstairs, 
tells my wife we need to go to ER...

A few minutes later, heart beat back to 
around 70... no more cold sweats. I'm still
shaking from the experience. No pain in the
chest, no arm pain. I can move freely. 
My mind is calm... I'm actually hungry. 

We ended up going to the ER anyway as 
this was such a shit show. All the vitals
were fine. There wasn't much they could do
at this point, wanted me to take some 
Adavan, but the doc say I should take
stronger benzos... 

Yes I'm under a lot more stress than 
I ever been in my life. I didn't know
my body was taking all that in. I'm 
stoping my cafein intake for the moment, 
and my one natural tobacco smoke a day
has to go for now. The idea of taking
a pill to solves all my problem is 
almost interesting. Taking a break from
my over-acive mind. Meditation does that, 
but I'm wondering what meditation on 
adavan would look like. I have one benzo 
here... I might end up taking it to see
what is does.