I don't have an addictive personality. 

I get tired of stuff when it becomes 
too much to handle. But there are things
that stuck more than others...

I've smoked crack in the backstreet of 
Vancouver. This stuff is addictive, 
really addictive. I couldn't stop myself
all night. There were only 2 options for 
me. Wheter I ran out of money or I died.

But that passed. I only smoked 2 full nights. 
I can smell it now, anytime I walk in the
street of Vancouver. It has a distinctive
smell, really urban, in between exhaust 
and burnt plastic. Given the right situation
I'd probably try it again...

I took amphetamine for a few months in 
Montreal. We called the pill 'peaches'
and we got a batch that they called 
power peaches. It was really strong stuff
We would crush a pill to power and we 
could use the same pill for many parties.

I got sick of that too and just gave
up on it after a few months. Some of 
my friends back in Montreal have moved 
on to cocaine, and are still partying
like we were 20s. 

What I can't get rid of yet is pornography. 
It's not a problem really as I am not a
frequent user anymore, but it still lingers
in the background there. It's useless and
wasteful and I can't believe that I can't 
simply quit. As I work online and from home
I have access to it at all time. As I know
my way online I have access to everything
under the sun. 

There is a voice in me that's all fine with it.
It's not really a problem if it doesn't create
a problem in my life. But why can't I just quit?

It's actually the first time I write about this.
I feel this is quite taboo for a lot of people
while there isn't much discussion about it online. 

Our culture is so strange about sex and nudity
in general. I have the chance to live in a place
where public nudity is acceptable at least. But
in most place in Canada and the USA, there is a
lot of tension about nudity. 

Nudity = Sexuality therefore it's segregated to
pornography. There is no more sensuality, erotism
and everything in between. It creates a tension 
for a lot of people and a lot of abuse.
Online pornography only adds to the social issue. 
No one really talks about it, as it's so accessible.
It's normalized in a 'hidden' way, while we keep
an hyper sexualize marketing all around us. 

I contacted Sex Addicts in the past, but my 
behavior wasn't problematic enough to warrant
me going to the meetings. 

So this is my meeting, "Hello my name is Gef and 
I am a porn addict. I haven't used in a week now"

Hopefully my last one...