The eclipse that I didn't see

Last partial eclipse was in October 2023.

I participated in a Huachuman ceremony, 
with a small group of people in a small 
retreat center a couple hours drive away. 

How hard it was to get to that ceremony!
At every step of the way, I didn't 
want to go. I kept on saying:

"Keep going, you can always turn back
 before you arrive, but you can't change
 your mind if you've never left."

Driving to the ferry, you still can turn back, 
on the other side of the lake, you still can turn
back. After a coffee and breakfast, you still can
turn back... And then I arrived. 

It was a powerful journey. Difficult, but
powerful. This time around, it was different. 

I was excited to go. I made time for it. 
I wanted to be there. Again, it was right before
an eclipse, and the same group showed up. 

Huachuma works in a strange way. It makes me
cry a lot. I cry for myself, and for others. 
I feel the others a lot more, and if I resist
the process, a lot of tension, darkness, 
unease happens. It will make me dizzy if 
I don't let myself being carried by the plant. 
It makes me open to experience the world
in a different way and to accept it. 

For example, we were in a house, where the 
'man of the house' passed many years ago.
But his presence was really strong in the 
ceremony. Instead of being a weird thing
that we don't talk about, it was openly 
discussed, and observed. He wanted to be 
part of the ceremony. He wanted to be there
with us. 

There was a crystal bowl that was
representing him and we brought it in our
circle. One of the participant received 
some teaching from him. While burning 
the offerings, these small tornadoes of
smoke were created when talking about him. 
He was around, affecting our reality, 
and was welcomed. Huachuma put us in a 
state that make this event normal and 
part of the experience. 

Huachuma brings me in peace with the part
of myself that doesn't have a voice most
of the time. This playful, connected, gentle
and healing self, which deeply knows what is
best for me, even when I don't want to accept
that reality. 

We created a powerful ceremony, filled with 
yoga nidra, chi kung, sound healing, chanting, 
massage, resting, good food and a lot of emotional
release and sharing. It's a completely different
way to be with the medicine then I've previously
experienced. 

Often in Huachuma or Ayahuasca ceremonies we sit
all around a circle, to sing or share, but most
of the work is done alone, separated from each
others. The shaman might come to you to help
you during a 'passage' but apart from that 
all the participants are separated. 

This time, we all melted in a chaotic shared
community. It was creative, beautiful and highly
healing on many layers. 

Some strong teaching I took back from the
weekend: 

+ You have to heal others to heal yourself. 

+ Healing is not a process only for the one.
We are suffering as a group, and the healing 
has to happen in our communities. 

+ There is no such thing as being 'infected' by
someone else energy. We're sharing the burden
and we have to do the work together. 

+ I play the 'white male' archetype
role in my relationship and I'm sick
of it. I have to find a way to move 
from that. 

Huachuma doesn't fix me, I don't feel enlightened
after a ceremony. I feel more down to earth and
a bit wiser. What I've been shown during the 
ceremony cannot be unseen, therefore I have to work
on it, the real work that start once the ceremony is over.